Dalton was wrong.
In the classic redneck ass-kicking movie, Road House, when bar bouncer Dalton (Patrick Swayze) opts to have his knife wound stitched up in the ER sans anesthesia, he lays this nugget of pugilist-slash-philosopher truth on his doctor (Kelly Lynch):
"Pain don't hurt."
Sorry, Dalton, but millions of women who have given birth beg to differ. Pain do hurt--so much, in fact, that it can turn the most dainty mom-to-be into a cross between Sil (full-on alien version) in Species and Regan in The Exorcist. And, like the latter, moms in labor tend to say things that, well, aren't exactly tactful. Things like these, my favorite eleven quotes from the delivery room, as reported on this Reddit thread.
11) "Burn all the Elvis records."
10) "I'm having a puppy!" (looking in mirror at baby crowning)
9) "Sew it up all the way, doc. We won't be using it anymore."
8) "THIS FUCKER BETTER BE WORTH IT!"
7) "Yay! Barbecue tonight!" (as placenta is delivered)
6) "THE NEXT ONE IS COMING OUT OF YOUR DICK!" (to husband)
5) "Is that mine?" (when presented with newborn)
4) "I am a Klingggggggonnnnnnn! Aaaagh!!!"
3) Husband: "Do you want anything from the lounge? Ice chips or something?"
Wife: "Talk to me again and I will FUCKING KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!"
2) "I have officially decided that I do NOT want to try fisting" (as doctor reaches inside her to turn baby into position)
1) "Put a gun up there and shoot it!" (after hours of excruciating labor)
How about you, GuySpeak readers? Got any funny quotes from the delivery room to add?
Related links:
So, You Think You're Ready To Have Kids?
Why I Love Women Of A Certain Age
Music Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned
In the classic redneck ass-kicking movie, Road House, when bar bouncer Dalton (Patrick Swayze) opts to have his knife wound stitched up in the ER sans anesthesia, he lays this nugget of pugilist-slash-philosopher truth on his doctor (Kelly Lynch):
"Pain don't hurt."
Sorry, Dalton, but millions of women who have given birth beg to differ. Pain do hurt--so much, in fact, that it can turn the most dainty mom-to-be into a cross between Sil (full-on alien version) in Species and Regan in The Exorcist. And, like the latter, moms in labor tend to say things that, well, aren't exactly tactful. Things like these, my favorite eleven quotes from the delivery room, as reported on this Reddit thread.
11) "Burn all the Elvis records."
10) "I'm having a puppy!" (looking in mirror at baby crowning)
9) "Sew it up all the way, doc. We won't be using it anymore."
8) "THIS FUCKER BETTER BE WORTH IT!"
7) "Yay! Barbecue tonight!" (as placenta is delivered)
6) "THE NEXT ONE IS COMING OUT OF YOUR DICK!" (to husband)
5) "Is that mine?" (when presented with newborn)
4) "I am a Klingggggggonnnnnnn! Aaaagh!!!"
3) Husband: "Do you want anything from the lounge? Ice chips or something?"
Wife: "Talk to me again and I will FUCKING KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!"
2) "I have officially decided that I do NOT want to try fisting" (as doctor reaches inside her to turn baby into position)
1) "Put a gun up there and shoot it!" (after hours of excruciating labor)
How about you, GuySpeak readers? Got any funny quotes from the delivery room to add?
Related links:
So, You Think You're Ready To Have Kids?
Why I Love Women Of A Certain Age
Music Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned
About 16 hours into a very painful 18 hour labor, I said to my husband, "I changed my mind. I don't want to have a baby now. I want to go home." The pain was obviously keeping me from thinking clearly.
With my first child I was determined not to have any meds. I wanted a totally "natural" experience. Riiiight. Fast forward 22 hours, no food or drink for 28, and 3 hours of just pushing and I was a woman on the edge. My doctor comes in (smelling of an expensive dinner) and I grabbed his tie, pulled him close, and said, "If you don't get this thing out of me RIGHT NOW I am cutting it out with a rusty spoon. And then I'm moving on to your balls. Are we clear?" He laughed rather nervously, went to pull away and apparently (I don't remember this) I reached for his arm and tried to bite him.
I was in surgery with an epidural on board 8 minutes later.
My mother had me and my twin brother naturally. When the doctor put an oxygen mask on her, she ripped it off and shouted, "I don't need oxygen, GIVE ME DRUGS!" She also threw a shoe at my father.
"my feet are really numb, too bad they're so far from my uturas!".....in response to.my Dr. Asking how my epiduril is working...(it never did work!)