What are the defining moments in a relationship? Depends on who you ask.
Women's Health magazine ran a piece recently titled 15 Defining Moments In A Relationship, which I was drawn to because, as some of you might have noticed, I like lists. This one was a bit too girly for my taste, though -- no surprise, since it was written for a largely female audience. Sure, a guy would probably put your first kiss, first morning after, or first fight on his list, but no dude thinks of the first time grocery shopping or first doctor's visit together as a defining moment, sorry.
That's why I'm going to give you some guy milestones (guystones? Nah, sounds like a testicle problem). But first, the Women's Health list:
First talk
First kiss
First time he calls you his girlfriend
First morning after
First time someone says "I love you"
First "we"
First fight
First trip together
First grocery shop
First control (of his car, iPod, remote, etc -- lame!)
First talk of a future together
First time you stop primping for him
First doctor visit
First time caring for something together
First talk of a commitment
So there's that. I don't know about you, but I think I just ovulated. So let's get some testosterone in here pronto.
Some milestones you might find on a guy's list:
First loan
Hey, every guy comes up short sometimes. The first time you spot him a 20 is a joyous occasion, because now he knows you carry cash and don't mind helping him out in a pinch. But if he's dumb enough to ask for singles before a night out with the guys, cut him off.
First fart
Sooner or later a guy just has to let one rip. The sooner you get used to it, the better.
First bailout
Not the government kind, the jail kind. He had a few too many and ended up in the clink. It happens. If you love him, you'll be right down with a cashier's check for five G and will believe him when he says he has no idea what this whole "solicitation" business is all about.
First time he touches your boobs
Sweet Jesus hallelujah. Every guy remembers this moment for every girlfriend or cheap one-night stand he ever had.
First time he looks like a fool
He got in that guy's face at the bar and got his ass beat right in front of you. Oops. But hey, you still want him, and a good dentist can replace those teeth, so he's happy.
First time he sees your "O" face
"O" hell yes. Who's the man?! He is. C'mon, say it.
First time you see his schlong
He's been ready to show it to you since the first date, now it's showtime. Whether your eyes widen in appreciation or you giggle, it's a defining moment, so for god's sake don't giggle because that can haunt a guy for the rest of his days.
First time he gets dumped
Actually, no, a guy would never put this on his list. He wants to forget it ever happened, and, no, those weren't tears, his contact lenses were acting up.
How about you? What are your relationship milestones?
Women's Health magazine ran a piece recently titled 15 Defining Moments In A Relationship, which I was drawn to because, as some of you might have noticed, I like lists. This one was a bit too girly for my taste, though -- no surprise, since it was written for a largely female audience. Sure, a guy would probably put your first kiss, first morning after, or first fight on his list, but no dude thinks of the first time grocery shopping or first doctor's visit together as a defining moment, sorry.
That's why I'm going to give you some guy milestones (guystones? Nah, sounds like a testicle problem). But first, the Women's Health list:
First talk
First kiss
First time he calls you his girlfriend
First morning after
First time someone says "I love you"
First "we"
First fight
First trip together
First grocery shop
First control (of his car, iPod, remote, etc -- lame!)
First talk of a future together
First time you stop primping for him
First doctor visit
First time caring for something together
First talk of a commitment
So there's that. I don't know about you, but I think I just ovulated. So let's get some testosterone in here pronto.
Some milestones you might find on a guy's list:
First loan
Hey, every guy comes up short sometimes. The first time you spot him a 20 is a joyous occasion, because now he knows you carry cash and don't mind helping him out in a pinch. But if he's dumb enough to ask for singles before a night out with the guys, cut him off.
First fart
Sooner or later a guy just has to let one rip. The sooner you get used to it, the better.
First bailout
Not the government kind, the jail kind. He had a few too many and ended up in the clink. It happens. If you love him, you'll be right down with a cashier's check for five G and will believe him when he says he has no idea what this whole "solicitation" business is all about.
First time he touches your boobs
Sweet Jesus hallelujah. Every guy remembers this moment for every girlfriend or cheap one-night stand he ever had.
First time he looks like a fool
He got in that guy's face at the bar and got his ass beat right in front of you. Oops. But hey, you still want him, and a good dentist can replace those teeth, so he's happy.
First time he sees your "O" face
"O" hell yes. Who's the man?! He is. C'mon, say it.
First time you see his schlong
He's been ready to show it to you since the first date, now it's showtime. Whether your eyes widen in appreciation or you giggle, it's a defining moment, so for god's sake don't giggle because that can haunt a guy for the rest of his days.
First time he gets dumped
Actually, no, a guy would never put this on his list. He wants to forget it ever happened, and, no, those weren't tears, his contact lenses were acting up.
How about you? What are your relationship milestones?
I think one that stands out for me was the first time we met each other's families. When I first met his family, it nearly ended our relationship because they were so totally different from my own family. I felt like running then and there. They nearly scared me off!! I won't go into details, but it was definitely memorable. The first time he met my family was memorable as well. We survived, though, in spite of our families.
Another defining moment for me was when he proposed to me. I would hope it was one for him as well.
When we were first married, my husband had a running joke of sorts that he repeated at least once nearly every day for the longest time. Whenever he did something, he would say, "This is the first time I'm________ as a married man." Then he would fill in the blank with whatever it was he did whether it was "taking the trash out" or "seeing a rainbow" or "cleaning mud off my shoe." Eventually he stopped saying it every day, but once a week or so he would mention it. As time passed, he said it less and less, but every once in a while, even now nearly 25 years after we were married, he will sometimes realize he is doing something for the first time "as a married man," and he will mention it. Like most long term couples, it is just one of many private jokes we share.
I really like your new profile pic, Cary! You look great! :-)
I'm actually pretty sad seeing how different those lists are. Do guys honestly feel that the first time we call them our boyfriend is less important than the first time they cop a feel? Or are spotted $20? That's really saddening.
Of course not. It's humor.
Well, I guess everyone has their moment to look incredibly foolish on the internet.
Don't worry, you'll survive it.
Okay, kill me for the sap I am, but I always remember when he first calls me his girlfriend, especially since I make him say it first. This is not an evil mind game, I swear. I figure (right or wrong) that if he says it, he must be ready for going-steady commitment. We all know what happens when the girl says it first! But I always remember the girlfriend thing for the romantic gesture it is.
BTW, to the naysayers who get mad at the above comment and bare their piranha teeth at the lack of feminism, you may consider me old-fashioned. I do possess a backbone; it holds me up quite nicely. Everyone has their own ways of doing things.
Being largely outspoken and wildly inappropriate can, at times, really blow up in my face. When my sense of humor goes spectacularly wrong it can be pretty mortifying for all involved, so the first time a girl really sees that side of me and still wants to be with me is a pretty big thing for me.
Other than that, I remember little things more than big things. Stuff like the first time she falls asleep in my arms while watching tv, or the first time she nurses me back to health, or the first time she introduces me to a secret hobby, stuff like that.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to punch some robots or orcs or something to regain my masculinity.
ahh the secret hobby! That's so awesome.
I think this is so cool! If it makes you feel any better, my sense of humor is also wildly outrageous; I've had more than one boyfriend complain about it. Only one didn't, but then he cracked me up on a regular basis nearly the whole time we went out. The ending was explosive, but at least it wasn't boring. I would rather go out with someone totally hilarious and a little crazy than some stick-in-the-mud who was too serious about life.
BTW, I think your list is really sweet. It in no way detracts from your masculinity. So go kick robot ass if you must, but that's not why you are loved. It's the glimpses of the real person. :)
Hey John Connor! Damn, you're good. Absolutely loved the list! Remembering her falling asleep in your arms...it doesn't get any better than that!
I vote Mannon as a new guyspeak panelist.
Did I hear right that you're from Down Under? I'm gonna' have to start reading your comments with an Aussie accent and attitude from now on! :D
That's incredibly flattering, thank you!
And yes, you're right about the Aussie thing, accent and all! ;)
NP, MP. (I'm just a self-proclaimed WYSIWYG and call them as I see them.) I certainly hope the girl you are seeing at Uni knows what a gold mine she has in you and I'm not necessarily talking about your wallet...
Here's hoping! ;)
I guess I'm not very girly because I don't remember any of those firsts with the exception of "I love you." Those I remember from everyone who has ever mustered the courage to tell me! Good memories....
The rest, though - I think they just happened organically enough that I didn't pay attention. I'm sensitive but not overly sentimental, oddly enough. ;)
I would say: First embarassing hangover.
Everything leading up to the first embarrasing hangover is pretty key. If they're still there for the hangover, you've got something special!
I remember the first kiss, first "I love you," and of course, the first morning after. Everything else on that "girl's" list is ridiculous. I mean, "first 'we'?" Please, that must be a joke.
Ummmm yeah. I'M a girl, and I think more than half of that girlish list is crap. First DOCTOR'S visit? wtf? First 'control' makes girls sound really nasty and scary. Okay, maybe some are, but I'm not that stereotypical.
First kiss and first "I love you" are really the only ones that stood out for me. I can't even remember the date I told him I loved him, but I remember exactly how it was.
HAHA @ first time he touches your boobs. Suddenly I'm recalling a few really joyous faces, with chuckles.
I have a few moments that stand out in my relationship. He's my highschool sweetheart so he's my first real boyfriend and my first for several of these.
When he told me he liked me
First time holding hands while walking
First kiss
First orgasm
First "I love you"s
First fight
First time he cried in front of me
First time sleeping in the same bed
First vacation together
I think there are a few others, but these are the ones that seem generic to relationships in general.