The new year has begun and the distant memories of last year's relationship failures are giving way to butterfly-like new visions of failures not-yet-seen. Yes, there is no time like the present to set goals that you have no intention of keeping for the future. Nowhere is this more prevalent than resolutions. I tend to view New Year's Resolutions as more of a "I hope I do this, but if I don't, there's always next year" mantra. With that said, how about I, the Girls' BFF, provide a few resolutions for you women to ponder when it comes to relations and relationships with the less than fairer sex?
Mmkay? Splendid. Imsoexcited.
1) Stop chasing men who stand in place. What does that mean? I see so many women running after unavailable men or men who are willing to do anything they can to do nothing for them, it almost brings a tear to my eyes. Lucky for me I wear my sunglasses at night so nobody sees it.
2) Be happy with yourself - and I'm not just talking about self pleasure either. If you build it, they will come. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. Basically, don't worry, be happy - and good things will come to those who wait.
I like clichés.
3) Dance like everybody's watching you - just be good at it. Because men like confident women (and women into voyeurism too, for some odd reason).
4) Smell the roses and seize the day. If you see a worthwhile man who is the opposite of all the scum buckets you've dealt with, don't hestiate...POUNCE. Pouncing is actually really fun as long as you don't miss your mark. Oh, and DO NOT AGITATE THE TIGERS. No Roy.
5) Be coy. Yeah, you should pounce. But you should also pretend that you didn't do it so that we (men) have to do all the work. Hey, gender roles worked in the 1500s, why rock the boat?
That's a joke.
6) Smile more often so that people may see you smiling more often. Men like smiling women. It makes us think we have a fighting chance. Also, it makes us think that you do not eat people.
(By the way, it doesn't mean walk around looking like a clown. You are allowed to be pissy. Just, ya know, don't be pissy if you want us to talk to you.)
7) Don't settle for guys you know are wrong for you. Should be obvious. However, statistics, reality shows, Tila Tequila, and family court indicate that common sense just ain't that common. If you get a red flag, pay attention to it, is what I'm trying to say.
8) Give the best love that you can. It's better to give than to receive - yeah, okay. That sounds like something guys tell women all the time for some of that downlowlovin. However, if you're going to commit to somebody, don't be afraid of being hurt. Everybody gets hurt. I just hurt my hand typing this. Do I love my hand any less? No. Because I love my hand with all my heart. See?
9) Trust. It's hard to trust people who might burn you. So I suggest staying away from people with lighters.
10) Learn from your past mistakes. Your relationship went bad for a reason. Try to remember why and DON'T DO THAT AGAIN no matter what it was. And try to stay away from men who like to wear your panties. It never ends well with those guys.