I was asked a question this week by a woman confused as to why she wasn't being approached by men. My answer was simple: approach the men. The rules of courting have changed, and will continue to change. Once upon a time, guys and dolls had rules. The guy would throw out a line, and the dame would wince, coo, or go blind. Then the poor sad sack would slink back to his barstool, keeping an eye on his drink, and an eye out for another bird who'd let him sing his song.
This dance still prevails today. Many men pay a hefty sum to learn seduction techniques from so-called "pick-up artists." I've written about how much I despise these fork-tongued STD's in leather pants, but I've softened. "Pick-up artists" don't really teach magical ways to convince women to offer up their lady fruits. It's self-help marinated in Axe Body Spray. The best way to pick-up a stranger is to inhale a mess of booze with that stranger and that usually results in bad sex. Pick-up lines, or "sets" as I believe the pick-up community calls them, are simply conversation starters. Self-esteem boosters. In this context, they work.
Granted, men still bear the burden of rejection more than women. It's still a bro chase chick world. But that's changing. Men are becoming more coy, and stand-offish. Women more confidant. It's like the genders are switching roles in many ways. But if you're a woman who is befuddled as to why there aren't any guys sweating you, then take the advice I've given tons of guys at Maxim or on the radio: practice. The more you practice, the luckier you get. The more you approach people, and talk to them, and genuinely act like you're a person who listens and has a sense of humor, the more likely it is you'll eventually bump into someone who is hungry for what you're cooking.
So, ladies, here are 15 pick-up lines you can use on guys to start a conversation.
1. Hi.
2. My name is ______. What's your name?
3. So, do you beer pong here often?
4. Was your father a demolitions expert? Because your eyes are dynamite.
5. If you were a woman, I'd say you have a pretty smile. But you're a man, so your smile is, um, bitchin'.
6. Am I dead? Because you're either an angel or a fearsome zombie killer.
7. Are your hands and feet tired? Because you've been freerunning in my mind all night.
8. You want beer?
9. Ice cream is my kryptonite. What's yours?
10. Hey, I just noticed you staring at me. Was that a "wow, she's beautiful" sort of stare or was it the creepy "I want to live under her bed" kind?
11. Please tell me you're not a vegetarian.
12. I like to think of myself as very open-minded. For instance: I can learn to love a man who's seeing an Xbox.
13. I love The Baseball Show! How many rundowns does your mansquad have?
14. Can you point out the biggest, douchiest swamp donkey here so I can avoid him? Thanks.
15. You're cute. I like cute. Whats your name?
Number 10 made me giggle rediculously.
I'm sorry but that post you wrote about girls asking guys out doesn't NOT solve the problem of men not approaching. I know you're not going to like this John, but I JUST want to be treated like a LADY. I am not going to be asking boys out on dates. I am very friendly and chatty, and I need a man who's masculine and confident. To me, having to ask a guy out is like settling for a date with a wimp. I'm not that desperate! I just want a strong, social, confident guy. Its a BAD sign if he can't come talk to me if he likes me. I know "times have changed" but I'm very feminine and I want a guy with confidence and his sh*t together.
I completely agree. Men are always telling women that if a guy likes a girl he will do just about anything to get. If that is really the case, then why do us girls have to do the asking? But when we make the first more, they think we are pushy. I want a man who has the balls to ask me out.
And maybe a man wants a girl to have the balls to ask him out. Confidence is hot ;)
Hmm, on the one hand I guess what you're saying makes sense - if you want a confident guy waiting for them to ask is an easy way to weed the others out. (I'm not particularly looking for a confident guy, but different strokes!) On the other hand, I know a ton of confident guys who are really attracted to confident women. Maybe the (confident!) guy of your dreams was planning on just hanging with friends tonight and not chatting up ladies, or just didn't see you, or (casually) had his eye on another girl. Just because he didn't go up to you doesn't mean he isn't confident or attracted to you - all he needs is for you to refocus him! :D
He's not saying that women have to ask men out, just that women shouldn't be afraid to approach men and start a conversation.
Yes. I sometimes do that first move in a nice way (when I'm really curious about a guy). And they liked it. That didn't make me less of a woman. I think it's just confidence. And JDV is just answering a question here, of someone having a problem with this. So it doesn't apply to every girl.
I want to disagree with the girls above, a little encouragement goes a long way. Courtship isn't a test, to see who gets the rutting rights (I hope not), but hopefully a great way for two people to get to know each other. From a guy's perspective a look a cold indifference can be taken in a number of ways. 1. She totally rocks me, but she's too embarrassed to show it. Or 2. She really doesn't give a monkeys, and she has totally owned you. Or 3. She's a snooty cow, and I really should be looking elsewhere or just drown my sorrows in some drink.
The problem is, we get mixed messages all the time and there are no rules, so if you are a guy and you are looking for polite conversation unless you work in a shop it ain't gonna happen.
'Would you like fries with that?'
>Pause
'No, ok oh well, there's cream over there. (Pointing inanely)
Well I agree with you Ed that encouragement goes a long way. Plus, I never give cold indifference to guys I like. You dont want the girls who give mixed signals anyway.
There's a huge difference between being friendly and having to to do the asking yourself. I will of course be friendly and encouraging, but I'm not going to do the asking for the guy.
Also, I dont really understand your shop comment. Considering the fact that women are more than half the population, it shouldn't be that difficult to find one to make polite conversation with.
Girls...it's our job as the "hunted" to make the hunters think that we're interested in them by approaching them. That way, the hunters can still get their "hunting fix" by pursuing us...even when in reality, we're the ones that approached them first. So go stick your arrogant "old fashioned" ways down the drain and start playing the field to your advantage.
P.S. I don't need any furious feminists coming out of the woodwork to rebut my claim; I'm just making an observation... Am I right, boys?
right
Hell no. I don't want to be "the hunted." That sounds degrading and a bit pathetic. If someone sees me and likes what they see then they can come and chat, and likewise if I see someone I like the look of, I'll go over and initiate things myself.
Dating rules are basically for cowards, or people with low self esteem. If you like the look of someone, just go up and talk to them! Chances are they'll be flattered you've approached them whatever sex they are. Silly Ginger, it's the 21st century. :) I don't WANT a man who still feels that whole hunter/hunted thing should be the name of the game.
Pick-up lines may not work on a "hunter" type guy. However, if you want a hunter type guy but are not getting approached, maybe you should rethink what you actually want as your end result. In other words, do you simply want to be hunted or do you want to do whatever it takes to find a real and healthy relationship? Cause pick-up lines are just about meeting people...and the more people you meet, the better your chances at finding someone who "clicks"- hunter or no.
P.S. I loved Ed's comment.
OK, call me old fashioned, but in my opinion, women do like to be hunted, but not shot and gutted on the dance floor. Pursuit is exciting, being sweetly caught is romantic, but what is it like for the man? Men aren't in competition with women, (i.e., the hunter against the ellusive Elk) they (and this is not their fault) are in competition with other MEN. Other men can steal their job, their car and their girl! So, the heat is on in a social situation. You, by approaching HIM FIRST, have handed him an immediate and much appreciated victory over every other male in the place. Unless he's a conceited ass, right then and there, he doesn't want you going anywehere, and you have an opportunity to ask what you want, say what you want and actually have a conversation!
Ladies, take off the tieras and see them for who and what they are, more fragile than can be imagined and embattled more than they show. YOU are somehow a "comfort food", but yet think that being "bad cabbage" is somehow good for him - sheesh.
I am a 51 year old woman that has no problems at all getting a date (without a sex fest required attachment), because I am comfortable with who they are and appreciate them. And they return the favor in spades. Men are awesome.
you spelt confident wrong :) unless that's the american way of spelling it.
btw i really do like the whole 'hungry for what you're cooking' thing and number 4!! a whole lotta genius :D
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Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
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I thnik that this is a good one "HEy i lost my teddy bear can i sleep with you tonight" Hehhee
Girls guys aren't the smartest people in the world so we need to show them we're interested! Helloooo! Please girls we all have had this happen to us! You are totally checking out a guy and he is checking you out but he doesn't do sh*t about it because he is waiting for you to grow some balls
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