The guys are all grown up this week, explaining what it means to be a real man, a real husband, a real friend to someone grieving and a "shockingly" sophisticated lover. It's all in this seductively mature edition of GuySpeak's Best of the Week!
Reformed Player says:
Just because he looks like a man, talks like a man, adjusts his joint while standing in the all-you-can eat crab leg buffet like a man doesn't mean he's a man. A man knows when to play, and when to get shit done. A man can ice a bro, but then takes care of business. He cringes at the thought that college were "the best years of his life." Because the best years of his life are always ahead of him. Man does not live on beer, boobs, and bacon alone. Now... are you so sure your resident X/Y chromosome is a man? Or a man who looks like a man, but is in fact, full of tiny, itty-bitty, marshmallow-high doucheballs?
Well, here are fifteen signs your dude is also a man. A real man:
1. He earns his right to be lazy.
2. He understands that tears aren't weakness. That's just how courage sheds excess water weight.
3. He will brave a hailstorm of Biblical proportions to buy you tampons. In fact, soaking wet, he will stride up to the counter at the all-night drug store and boldy slam the box of "heavy flow" and be all "Whut? Also: this bag of Goobers."
4. When he's wrong, he says he's wrong. Just like Baby's daddy.
5. He never stabs a rival in the back. He'll look them in the eye, coolly tell them what's coming and stab them in the face.
6. He knows that, in an emergency, he can fill in for AC/DC's Brian Johnson.
Gal Pal says:
Read the rest of John's hairy, chest-thumping, testosterrific list at the link above. Another sign your guy's a real guy? He marries his hero. Keep reading ...
How do you know if you've married the right person?
Funny Guy says:
My wife is currently asleep at 3 in the afternoon in the next room. That's because she just got off a 30-hour shift on medical rotation, her first ever. I haven't seen her in a week, and I'll probably have to go to work again before she gets up. I'd say she looks like an angel, but angels don't usually have the blood of miraculously resucitated patients spattered all over them. Okay, neither does my wife, but one day, SHE MIGHT, and that's a lot more than most of us can say.
These are prime years, too. She's really bangin', and that's not going to last forever. In a very real sense, she's stripping years out of her youth and distributing them among the needy of the world, and all in exchange for nothing more than quite a bit of money (we are told, one day, when the loans are paid off).
Some would call that too much. Call it overly generous, stupid, crazy, moronic, idiotic, foolish, foolhardy, or rash. And by "some" I mean me, although only when she's asleep like this. Even though our lives are moving quickly at the moment, and that means time apart, I've never felt more secure in my marriage. There are a lot of components to that--too many and too minute to elucidate coherently--but today I feel like I stumbled on a big one.
To put it Internet-ly, if Guyspeak is ever reduced to a Twitter feed, I'll still be able to give the best advice in the world when it comes to finding the right partner: Marry your hero.
Gal Pal says:
What if your hero's already taken? Should you go for the nerdy side-kick? The evil mastermind? The femme fatale? Wait for the sequel when the hero's now being played by some new chiseled face? A hero's great, ladies, but keep your options open!
Wise-Ass says:
I don't know how long is too long, but it's definitely longer than two weeks.
Your boyfriend has experienced one of the most traumatic things a person can experience, the death of a loved one. He's reeling right now and it's going to take him time, obviously, to grieve.
Anger is part of grief, which is why he cut you off. He hates the world right now for taking his brother, and you are part of that world, even though he loves you. He's just blinded with fury and sadness.
You seem to understand this, and kudos to you for that, and for being willing to wait for him. That is love in action--not just empty words. I'm sure it's disheartening to be shut out when you want so badly to help him, but there's little you can do until he comes out of shock. Just give him the space he needs, and let him know that you are there for him when he's ready to talk.
How long this will take, I don't know. People grieve and heal in different ways and over varying lengths of time. The death of a sibling is huge, so prepare yourself for a long process. Only you can decide how long you're willing to endure it with him. If you were as happy and in love as you say, then he's worth it.
Gal Pal says:
My heart breaks for both of you. Your boyfriend clearly needs time and space to even begin to process this horrible loss. I think your best option is a real, pen-and-paper letter explaining that you will always be there for him when he needs you and when he's ready. That you'll love him from afar until he's ready to have you close again. That you can't begin to understand what he's going through, but you want to hold his hand (if only in spirit) while he's suffering. Then, while you wait for him to answer, go to your friends and family. Spend every precious moment you can with them.
Girl's BFF says:
If by domestic disclipline you mean a relationship where one party (usually the husband, I assume) has the authority over the other and has the ability to discipline (via spanking, etc) and/or back up that authority, by any means necessary, then I take issue with it.
Let me say this: to each his own. How you chose to live your life and marriage is up to you. Hakuna matata. However you asked what I think about it. Frankly, I think its the most asinine non-sense I've heard in a long while. Picture me putting my wife across my knee and spanking her for not having my laundry done? That would never work in my house. Mostly because I LOVE (!!!!) doing laundry. The only time I want to spank my wife is when we're pleasuring eachother with fly swatters and spatulas. You know, during Thanksgiving and such.
So if this is something you are okay with and don't mind being apart of, by all means, do your thing, but there's no way I could suggest or subject any woman I loved to that non-sense.
Gal Pal says:
What do I think about this? Run for your life, my dear. And I mean that quite literally.
Mystery Man says:
Well he's up to something, and it's one of two things:
1) As you said, he may be trying to downgraded your relationship to just a friendship. Although, when you say you guys have sex from "time to time," it suggests to me that this thing is pretty casual anyway. Or...
2) He is trying to make you jealous in hopes of converting this thing into a more solid boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Gal Pal:
Are you serious, Mystery Man? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but guys simply aren't that complex. If they want you to be their girlfriend, they ask you, they don't try to make you jealous. (Women have the monopoly on that little game.) This dude is friending you like nobody's business. Tell him you're done hooking up with him. Then describe in great detail the new piece of equipment you're trading him in for.
Chic Geek says:
Not if you don't ask first. Nobody likes a surprise Shocker. Though I guess that's sort of redundant. The name implies that when it happens, it's a shock to the system. Even those who are into the pleasure/pain thing appreciate being asked. If you don't ask first, you might get The Kicker.
When it comes to inserting digits in sensitive areas, the number one rule is communication. Also, hand sanitizer. Lots of it. Seriously, I don't want you handling my Subway sandwich post-Shocker delivery. And trim your fingernails. She'll appreciate it.
On a related note--ever notice how the hand formation for The Shocker is pretty close to the Vulcan "Live Long and Prosper" salute? Also, the metal "devil horns" and the classic surfer "hang loose" sign. It's all a matter of finger placement. Think about that the next time you see your friend throwing up a headbanger sign in a party photo on Facebook.
Gal Pal says:
Perhaps they should call it the Come Long and Prosper salute? Sorry, that was...shocking. Thanks for playing (and shocking me each week), guys and girls!
GP, I've always heard it called "The Spocker"
The Rocker - 1 and 1
The Shocker - 2 and 1
The Spocker - 2 and 2
The Show Stopper... you don't want to know.
Imgonna -- that is hilarious. I'm going to print that on a little index card and carry it in my purse.
I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this blog. Keep up the great work.
hahha I agree