(This one originally ran last January and got a ton of good feedback. It's also the kind of list that bears repeating from time to time, so here you go.)
"There's this guy," the question always starts, "and he does this and he said that and sometimes he does this other thing," you continue. Then comes the actual question, one we get at least twice a day, every day:
"Does this mean he likes me?"
Not that it isn't a valid question. Some guys can be hard to read. Not as hard as women, but still a challenge. Problem is, there is no way to know absolutely if a guy likes you, short of him saying so (and even then he might be lying). Every situation is different, every guy is different, and there are always exceptions.
But here's the good news: there are things most guys do when they like a girl that can give them away. If a guy does one of these things, it probably doesn't mean much; if he does 4-5 of them, then there's a good chance he likes you. Not a guarantee, but a good chance. You just have to know what to look for.
Most of these won't surprise you. Some might. Consider it a refresher.
He smiles at you. A lot.
He laughs at your jokes, even the crappy ones.
He defends you to others.
He asks questions about you and your life beyond the generic "How you doin'?" or "Good weekend?"
He jokes about dating you.
You catch him staring at you. Your face, that is--if he's staring at your boobs or butt, it could just mean he's perving on you.
He's awkward whenever he talks to you. The first time I talked to my wife, I walked into a parking meter. Luckily for me, she found it adorable.
He always uses your name when he talks to you. He knows your name and likes to say it.
He calls you by a nickname/pet name.
He asks you to "hang out" some time. (To a guy, the word date can be like garlic to a vampire, so they'll say "hang out" instead. Whatever you call it, it still means he wants to be around you.)
He calls you on the phone. Most guys hate talking on the phone. If a guy calls you, it means one of three things: you're his best friend, he needs help with his homework, or he has the itchy pants for you.
He acts more respectable and mature when you're around.
He compliments your appearance. "You look nice today" is guyspeak for "I'm attracted to you."
When he cracks a joke, you're the first person he looks at for a reaction.
He tries go get into the same classes as you.
He asks your friends questions about you. He knows they will probably report back to you, but he doesn't care.
He touches you, even subtly--a hand on your arm, a pat on your back, a grab of your shoulders. Humans are naturally drawn to things that attract us--we want to look at them, touch them. If you find a guy's hand on you, especially more than once, that's a huge giveaway that he likes you.
He asks you what you think about certain other guys. He's trying to find out if you like anyone.
He shares an iTunes playlist with you: the 21st century version of making you a mix tape.
He asks your advice about other girls. This one could go either way, but getting your take on relationships could be his crafty way of finding out what you like and don't like. Or maybe he's just trying to make you jealous.
He notices and remembers things about you that most people don't. Your birthday. What you wore on a certain day. Your favorite TV show. When and where you met your best friend. What you had for lunch yesterday. Average Joe won't remember that shit, even if you tell him. Hot For You remembers all of it (but if he knows stuff about you that you never told him--creeper alert!).
He asks you out. A no-brainer, yes, but you would be surprised how many times I've gotten the question, "This guy asked me out. Is he into me?"
I hope this helps. Feel free to ask the question again. We may or may not refer you to this list.
"There's this guy," the question always starts, "and he does this and he said that and sometimes he does this other thing," you continue. Then comes the actual question, one we get at least twice a day, every day:
"Does this mean he likes me?"
Not that it isn't a valid question. Some guys can be hard to read. Not as hard as women, but still a challenge. Problem is, there is no way to know absolutely if a guy likes you, short of him saying so (and even then he might be lying). Every situation is different, every guy is different, and there are always exceptions.
But here's the good news: there are things most guys do when they like a girl that can give them away. If a guy does one of these things, it probably doesn't mean much; if he does 4-5 of them, then there's a good chance he likes you. Not a guarantee, but a good chance. You just have to know what to look for.
Most of these won't surprise you. Some might. Consider it a refresher.
He smiles at you. A lot.
He laughs at your jokes, even the crappy ones.
He defends you to others.
He asks questions about you and your life beyond the generic "How you doin'?" or "Good weekend?"
He jokes about dating you.
You catch him staring at you. Your face, that is--if he's staring at your boobs or butt, it could just mean he's perving on you.
He's awkward whenever he talks to you. The first time I talked to my wife, I walked into a parking meter. Luckily for me, she found it adorable.
He always uses your name when he talks to you. He knows your name and likes to say it.
He calls you by a nickname/pet name.
He asks you to "hang out" some time. (To a guy, the word date can be like garlic to a vampire, so they'll say "hang out" instead. Whatever you call it, it still means he wants to be around you.)
He calls you on the phone. Most guys hate talking on the phone. If a guy calls you, it means one of three things: you're his best friend, he needs help with his homework, or he has the itchy pants for you.
He acts more respectable and mature when you're around.
He compliments your appearance. "You look nice today" is guyspeak for "I'm attracted to you."
When he cracks a joke, you're the first person he looks at for a reaction.
He tries go get into the same classes as you.
He asks your friends questions about you. He knows they will probably report back to you, but he doesn't care.
He touches you, even subtly--a hand on your arm, a pat on your back, a grab of your shoulders. Humans are naturally drawn to things that attract us--we want to look at them, touch them. If you find a guy's hand on you, especially more than once, that's a huge giveaway that he likes you.
He asks you what you think about certain other guys. He's trying to find out if you like anyone.
He shares an iTunes playlist with you: the 21st century version of making you a mix tape.
He asks your advice about other girls. This one could go either way, but getting your take on relationships could be his crafty way of finding out what you like and don't like. Or maybe he's just trying to make you jealous.
He notices and remembers things about you that most people don't. Your birthday. What you wore on a certain day. Your favorite TV show. When and where you met your best friend. What you had for lunch yesterday. Average Joe won't remember that shit, even if you tell him. Hot For You remembers all of it (but if he knows stuff about you that you never told him--creeper alert!).
He asks you out. A no-brainer, yes, but you would be surprised how many times I've gotten the question, "This guy asked me out. Is he into me?"
I hope this helps. Feel free to ask the question again. We may or may not refer you to this list.
How many of these things do you think a guy will do just to hookup? I know it's not an exact science, but are there any clues for knowing if he just wants in your pants and is just willing to go through the motions to get there?
Yeah.... I had a guy show most of these "signs" while spending every evening together for the better part of six months (we "weren't dating" and there was no sex). At no point did I pressure him for anything. Prior to our first convo about "us" I mentioned I would like to see him more, and on a more exclusive level. He said he knew, but said he'd had a bad history as a boyfriend, didn't want to hurt me. I didn't press it.
He told me the 2-3 nights we hung out were "a lot" and that he wasn't attracted to me and I should try and find someone else to spend all that time with. I told him that was fine and stopped initiating all contact. A week after that convo? He started inviting me to do stuff and before I knew it, we were seeing each other every night. If he wasn't crashing on my couch, I'd fall asleep on his. He was texting me all the time. Random stuff about nothing. "I saw/heard something funny", pics of innocuous nothings. I was getting the constant stream of "you're special", "I like you a lot, please don't ever think I don't", "I'd rather spend time with you than anyone else", "I feel like I can tell you anything" "Sing to me"... I'd catch him staring at me all the time. He'd look to me for reactions when he'd say something funny or clever. He'd play with my elbow when he'd sit next to me at an empty table for six or put his hand on my leg, very smooth. He sought my opinion, was genuinely impressed with my knowledge. He initiated a handful of make-out sessions (all PG-13), which I stopped about two months in when he told me he didn't want to be exclusive "but we can still kiss and make out and stuff". I took care of him when he got sick. He would suggest movies to watch together (he usually picked rom-coms). He was jealous of convos I'd have with other men, randomly proclaim that all my men friends were gay and/or mysogynists.
After months of that, I told him I couldn't hang out all the time anymore since nothing was going to happen ("How many times are we gonna talk about this?" he asked "Well, this was my first time bringing it up, compared to the three times you did"), and I needed to not feel guilty when I went out with someone else (I'd never stopped turning down invites for dinner/coffee with other guys. I didn't flaunt it). When he continued the flirty banter and I reciprocated lightly, he said it made him feel "awkward" when I joked that way, given my feelings for him, he said. "Oh, you mean with the same joke you used yesterday?" I told him I couldn't do any of it anymore and stopped contacting him, full stop. He continued to contact me in some way every week for two months. The "attempts" were usually BS FB posts to my and others' posts. When I'd had enough of that, I defriended him from FB. The day after I defriended him, he sent a BS words with friends request. I declined it. Been a week, haven't heard from him since. Don't expect to, kinda hope he doesn't.
Honestly, other than the making out stuff early on, there was nothing I did that I would not (or have not) done for any other friend. But it seemed obvious to me that I, the one with the 'feelings', was more capable of being "just friends" than the one who once told me he was "emotionally vacant". I swear, if it looks/walks/quacks like a duck, it's a duck. But it seems this duck was calling himself a horse.
A guy friend told me, "I don't know about this one... If he was playing you, he did a good job of it. Cause even I'm not so sure!!" (and this guy friend? TOTAL player!!)
It sounds like he is manipulative, but you are too smart and strong-willed to fall for his nonsense. Or maybe he's just VERY confused and too immature to figure out his own feelings. Either way, good for you for cutting off contact. I imagine it would be nice to feel a sense of "closure"--I've been through something similar before--but I doubt you'll figure this one out for at least the next decade! Don't waste your time dwelling on it; instead, use the lessons the experience taught you to better prepare yourself for the next adventure. :) And thank you for the story, it really made me wonder!
Wow... that was really long. Sorry. I'm still living that dream. Trying to figure him out. I don't think I ever will.
Guys can be SO weird! I have this guy that I'm trying too figure out too. Our situation was messed up from the beginning as I have a bf and then my best friend pegged him and basically attacked him and made out with him. Then, I met up with him a few times and we made out, he spent the night at my place (no sex) and then we spend NYE together. I've since seen him twice, both in casual bar situations. The last time he texted me around 11pm and said let's just chill and hang out. I don't hear from him during the week, only on weekends. He's really sweet and cuddly (hold me all through the night and says he wants to squeeze me "to death") and I defintely get the sense that he likes me but I could be wrong. I think he thinks my bf situation is shady for sure and his relationship was a bad one where they broke up after living together. One of my friends asked him why he's not dating me and he apparently said he doesn't know what he wants cause he got out of a long one recently. We have a connection and he's the first guy in a LONG time that's sparked my interest. Should I continue to "hang out" and see where things go or just let it be since he doesn't know what he wants...???
Don't waste your time with that one. If there really is a connection there, he'll come after you.
Also, do you really want to deal with the baggage of his very recent, bad relationship and breakup?
Are you still with your bf? If you're considering this other guy, get rid of the bf you're with. Then hang out with the other guy you seem interested in. If he;s truly not ready, there's nothing wrong with being friends. Right now, he's feeling iffy which is normal when one gets out of a longterm relationship. They need to get used to not having someone else and that can take time. But having cool people to hang out with is never a bad thing. But it's never a good idea to start gaining feelings for someone else if you're currently with someone else. THat's all sorts of issues right there.
Take some time out, think about what you want. If you really wanna see if it's possible for something with this new guy, who seems to really make you interested, then do the right thing and spare the drama. It's always possible that nothing could happen with this new guy right away and sure, you may be alone, but it's better in the long run than staying with someone you may not be happy with.
If you do go after the new guy in your own way, it's best to figure out what's up. He could be using you for some playtime (and shame on you for making out with the guy when you have a bf, that's not cool honestly) but some guys can run on different time schedules, hence why he seems to contact you on weekends. He could just be trying to take it slow.
These all seem like common sense. I want to know how you know when a guy is in LOVE with you before he may say it!
I think this is a great list. Relationships are tricky because you both have so much at risk, so much to lose or so much to gain. When you are feeling unsure of yourself and trying to get your footing, it helps to have some guidelines to go by. These guidelines can help you figure out if that guy you're so crazy about really is feeling the same way you are. There's no absolute guarantee, of course, but for the most part I think this list is very accurate and very helpful for those who are wondering where they stand.
The guy I wrote about? Sent me a text on VALENTINE'S DAY!!! WTH?!?! Mid-afternoon. I responded "HVD to you too", then nothing more. JHC, really?!
Hmm.. this is confusing. I have a couple of guy friends who are just really, and I mean REALLY nice. They don't really say no - and if any of their lady friends ask them to do anything for them, they just drop whatever they're doing.
So yeah, sometimes, if I see the ones up there, I don't really think it's a sign a guy likes me, because I almost always think that maybe the guy is just really nice... right?
ok i know it has all the signs and stuff but im still confused about this guy!!! like half of the signs apply here. he used to REALLY like me and he told me he didnt anymore. a lot of my friends think he still does.even my mom. and some of my guy friends say that guys tell girls they dont like them anymore just so theyre friends dont make fun of them anymore... im so confused! does he like me or not...? i dont know!!!!!!!!! help!!!!!!(: