I talk about signs a lot here on GuySpeak. I've posted blogs about signs that a guy likes you, signs that he's not into you, red flags, green flags,
and everything in-between. I do this because these posts are all about
behavior, and a person's actions are the most trustworthy thing about
him. Also, you ask many questions about guys' behavior--if he does this,
does it mean that?--so it's an enduring hot topic. That's why I'm
writing about it again.
If you suspect that a guy isn't into you, here are five behaviors that prove you are right.
1. He doesn't ask you out
"No shit, McNeal!" Yeah, I know, but I get a question like this almost daily: "Three months ago he said he liked me and wanted to take me out but he hasn't called. Is he not into me?" Some of you want to believe that there are other reasons that a guy doesn't call: he's busy or he forgot or he got picked up on an outstanding warrant. But there's only one reason: he's not into you. A guy who wants to go out with you will ask you out. Period. If he hasn't asked you out, he's not into you.
2. He talks about another woman constantly
His ex. His bff. His mom. That new girl in class, what's her name again? We talk about what's important to us. If he's with you but he's always talking about some other woman, he's into her, not you.
3. He shows little interest in getting to know you
A guy who is into you wants to find out who you are. He asks about your life, your family, your childhood, what makes you happy, what's bugging you, what you're doing this weekend. He listens when you talk and remembers the important stuff. If all he ever cares about is when you two can get horizontal again, he's not into you. You can't f**k your way into his heart.
4. He makes excuses for his lack of interest
"I'm not relationship material." "You deserve someone better." "I'm still hurting from my last breakup." "It's bad timing." "I've got a lot going on in my life." "I need a break." These excuses and hundreds like them mean only one thing: he's not into you. This is how a guy can tell you he's not ready for a relationship, then two weeks later he's dating someone else. He was ready for a relationship, just not with you.
5. He says, "You're like a sister to me."
It's a compliment, but if you're hoping for a romantic relationship, these words mean it's never going to happen. He cares about you, but not in the way you want.
I've said it before, and it bears repeating: when the words and actions don't match, believe the actions. If a guy is into you, you'll know it. If he's not, you'll know that, too. The trick is having the guts and good sense to believe it.
If you suspect that a guy isn't into you, here are five behaviors that prove you are right.
1. He doesn't ask you out
"No shit, McNeal!" Yeah, I know, but I get a question like this almost daily: "Three months ago he said he liked me and wanted to take me out but he hasn't called. Is he not into me?" Some of you want to believe that there are other reasons that a guy doesn't call: he's busy or he forgot or he got picked up on an outstanding warrant. But there's only one reason: he's not into you. A guy who wants to go out with you will ask you out. Period. If he hasn't asked you out, he's not into you.
2. He talks about another woman constantly
His ex. His bff. His mom. That new girl in class, what's her name again? We talk about what's important to us. If he's with you but he's always talking about some other woman, he's into her, not you.
3. He shows little interest in getting to know you
A guy who is into you wants to find out who you are. He asks about your life, your family, your childhood, what makes you happy, what's bugging you, what you're doing this weekend. He listens when you talk and remembers the important stuff. If all he ever cares about is when you two can get horizontal again, he's not into you. You can't f**k your way into his heart.
4. He makes excuses for his lack of interest
"I'm not relationship material." "You deserve someone better." "I'm still hurting from my last breakup." "It's bad timing." "I've got a lot going on in my life." "I need a break." These excuses and hundreds like them mean only one thing: he's not into you. This is how a guy can tell you he's not ready for a relationship, then two weeks later he's dating someone else. He was ready for a relationship, just not with you.
5. He says, "You're like a sister to me."
It's a compliment, but if you're hoping for a romantic relationship, these words mean it's never going to happen. He cares about you, but not in the way you want.
I've said it before, and it bears repeating: when the words and actions don't match, believe the actions. If a guy is into you, you'll know it. If he's not, you'll know that, too. The trick is having the guts and good sense to believe it.
Question on point one: "A guy who wants to go out with you will ask you out. Period. If he hasn't asked you out, he's not into you".....
What about really shy or insecure guys? I've heard plenty of stories of the type "I've had a crush on her for months, but haven't gotten up the courage to ask her out" or "I should have asked her when I had a chance" and so on.
What about the possibility that he hasn't asked you out, but wants to or doesn't know how you'll react? Any tips on figuring out if this is the case?
I think most guys who say that are full of it. Even a shy guy will work up the nerve to ask out someone he really wants to date. If he can't, do you really want to date someone with no balls?
I have an incredibly shy guy, it took MONTHS for him to get up the nerve to kiss me, but even so he went to extraordinary efforts to see me and talk to me as often as he could. We were dating without dating forever before one day he just blurted out I can't believe I haven't kissed you yet, and we've been together ever since. Yes it was frustrating, and yes there were times I drove myself crazy wondering if he liked me or we were just friends, but if I'd really looked objectively there were signs from day one. Even the shyest of the shy, the ones who can't even ask you out still let you know in their behavior. ACTIONS ACTIONS ACTIONS
boooonnggggggg! fry pan to the head "I've got a lot going on in my life"
says it all.
What about the opposite? His actions show that he cares...seeing each other regularly, introducing you to his friends and family, planning trips and experiences in the future. But when you talk about it, he says he's not ready for more.
Actions speak louder than words. Period. If he's into you, you'll know it-- you don't have to do anything. In fact, it's best if you DON'T question it so much. You could say something goofy, have spinach in your teeth and your skirt on backwards and if he's into you, really into you, he will still think you're adorable.
"You can't f**k your way into his heart" is one of the best pieces of advice on this topic. It should be taught to youngsters since high school.
Heck, if I had realized this way earlier in my life, it would have saved me a lot of trouble :)
Omg I could not agree more! I personally dated a guy for 4 years, unofficcially of course, because all he had were those excuses and trust me if it was possible to F your way into a guys heart it would have worked for me. Such a good lesson to learn, sex doesn't equal emotions.
Great post, Cary. When friends come to me with these kinds of questions, I always say look at his actions. If you pretend that you cannot hear the words coming out of a guy's mouth and look strictly at his actions, then you have your answer. Actions do indeed speak louder than words!
So I have a guy that asks me out, almost every weekend, and when we do get together, asks all kinds of questions about me and my family, etc. He never talks about other girls, and we have awesome chemistry. Lately he's been asking me out, then canceling last minute. Most confusing guy ever.
I almost included mixed signals on this list.
Cool. That's what I thought!
Cary....so awesome...and right on the F'g money. Many of us have seen the red flags, like a freakin parade right in front of us...but we explain away his actions, and rely upon words which we twist and misinterpret to coddle our fragile self-esteem. Rejection sucks, so many of us have settled in the past for bits and crumbs of a relationship rather than nothing at all. It's sooooo wrong. I know. Much easier when one's self esteem and confidence are in tact, and on alert.
Funny though, when I first read your reply, I pictured Chris Rock in Rush Hour, saying "Do you understand the words coming outta my mouth?!?!!!"
Obviously we need to.
Thanks :)
So simple but true. So many girls (myself included) are guilty of over-analyzing men and thinking that they need to decode every single thing a guy says or does, when most of the time these obvious signals are smacking them right in the face. If a guy likes you, he'll show it. If he doesn't, there will be signs, and you're better off moving on instead of trying to claw your way into his heart. Not to stereotype my own gender, but it seems like girls really do make things more complicated than they have to be.
Amen Megan!
Before i started dating my boyfriend i was sifting through men. One guy acted like he was interested he always wanted to take me out but that day never came. Another guy claim i was his friend but he wanted a relationship and i didn't like him. He was still living with his ex. They lived together for twelve long years. I wondered how can people live so long without marrying. Then i met my boyfriend. I didn't like him at first. He pursue me for nearly two months then i started having feelings for him. He always asked me out, took me to lunch and share his entire life with me. He gave me all his attention whenever we meet. It was as if i was the only person in the world to him. The connection became stronger and when we became official bf and gf the love grew. We were crazy in love and we still are. He is the best man i have ever known. Its like he is the only man i ever had. Our communication is strong, we find time no matter how we are busy. I am the happiest woman.
When a man is interested and really want you in his life there is no doubt. He tell you and show you. Men love to act and if their action is double move on. If i can find the right one after passing through hell with men so can anyone. When he come into your life you have few questions to ask all he will want from you is your love, you and attention. There is no big puzzle to solve.