For some reason, women ask a lot of questions. I don't know why exactly, but it seems like at some specific age, little girls are given a book with a bunch of questions to ask their boyfriends and soon-enough husbands to ensure that his head stays spinning at every possible turn. I don't assume its malicious or even intended to drive us bananas, they just do. There are 5 in particular in that book that all men know too well.
1) What are you thinking about?
You know, until you asked, I was probably thinking about something but at the very moment you asked, my mind went blank. So I'm actually thinking about nothing. But not only nothing. I'm thinking of the concept of nothing, as in, "how can I be thinking about nothing?" But, yep. It's possible. You know how I know? Because I'm doing it. Unfortunately, telling you that I'm thinking of nothing will not suffice. Even though it's true.
2) How does this dress make me look?
It makes you look like you have a dress on. Now, most men are visual creatures. You will be able to tell how you look in that dress without us saying anything. Just look in our eyes. If they open very wide, we're thinking "wow" and "now take it off." If our eyes stay the same or we quickly return to what we were doing, well you probably don't look how you hoped. I'm still going to say "great" but it's probably just to answer your question. By the way, this question is the precursor to...
3) Do I look fat?
If you have to ask, you probably do. Also, never ask a question you don't really want the answer to. We're men, we'll realize you didn't want the answer AFTER we tell you, at which point we'll back peddle with tremendous speed. It's a lose-lose for everybody involved.
4) Why did you do that?
I don't even know what that means, but I do know that when you say "that" it implies you don't like something I'm doing. The only problem with that is you expect ME to know what you're talking about at that moment and answer with some justification. Which would be fine except I'm going to want to say, "because until you came along, this was perfectly normal and acceptable behavior." Pretty much, I just want to live.
5) Don't you think we should talk about this?
No. Actually I don't. But you seem to think that we should which means that we will either talk about it now or later and since I don't know what I'll be doing later and wouldn't want to interrupt that event, let's just get it out of the way.
Ladies, though we will answer all questions, some we never look forward to. I know you won't change your life with this information, but just be a little sympathetic to your dude. He'd really rather be watching a game.
You know, until you asked, I was probably thinking about something but at the very moment you asked, my mind went blank. So I'm actually thinking about nothing. But not only nothing. I'm thinking of the concept of nothing, as in, "how can I be thinking about nothing?" But, yep. It's possible. You know how I know? Because I'm doing it. Unfortunately, telling you that I'm thinking of nothing will not suffice. Even though it's true.
2) How does this dress make me look?
It makes you look like you have a dress on. Now, most men are visual creatures. You will be able to tell how you look in that dress without us saying anything. Just look in our eyes. If they open very wide, we're thinking "wow" and "now take it off." If our eyes stay the same or we quickly return to what we were doing, well you probably don't look how you hoped. I'm still going to say "great" but it's probably just to answer your question. By the way, this question is the precursor to...
3) Do I look fat?
If you have to ask, you probably do. Also, never ask a question you don't really want the answer to. We're men, we'll realize you didn't want the answer AFTER we tell you, at which point we'll back peddle with tremendous speed. It's a lose-lose for everybody involved.
4) Why did you do that?
I don't even know what that means, but I do know that when you say "that" it implies you don't like something I'm doing. The only problem with that is you expect ME to know what you're talking about at that moment and answer with some justification. Which would be fine except I'm going to want to say, "because until you came along, this was perfectly normal and acceptable behavior." Pretty much, I just want to live.
5) Don't you think we should talk about this?
No. Actually I don't. But you seem to think that we should which means that we will either talk about it now or later and since I don't know what I'll be doing later and wouldn't want to interrupt that event, let's just get it out of the way.
Ladies, though we will answer all questions, some we never look forward to. I know you won't change your life with this information, but just be a little sympathetic to your dude. He'd really rather be watching a game.
Oh man...does this list hit the spot or what...I couldn't stop laughing as i continued to read on. #1 major co-signage on that one...I find myself thinking about "nothing" all the time. I guess it is a Man-thing..
Let's flip this around. Just sit there until he asks a question. That could be awhile especially when sports are on, but let's try it out.
My boyfriend asks me what I am thinking about all the time. I think it really means "OMG! You are being WAY too quiet. Are you mad at me?!" Most of the time, I am not mad or unhappy at all. If I am mad or unhappy, it generally has nothing to do with him. I think he has dated some seriously evil women because he constantly expects me to be angry at him. We've been together a year and a half and I think he's waiting for the "real me" to come out. No such luck, dude. This is the real me. I am not raging, spiteful, jerk.
It's either that or the screaming at the TV during sports games has him confused.
I have been married to my husband for 13 yrs and he STILL prompts me to ask .
#? What are you doing? AND
#4 Why did you do that?
I truly think it's his way of saying "I love you" odd? yes. causes raised eyebrows and giggles? always
#4
Oh.. and he has the same reaction as the "I don't know what THAT means"
"THAT" (9 times out of 10) means
What I am looking at while I am asking why you did "THAT".
100% of the time answer "WHAT?"
and then gets this bewildered look as if I am suddenly speaking in a foriegn language.
All the while, my eyes shift back and forth from him to "THAT"
Then he gets a "well crap, I'm busted" possum grin which in turn causes my raised eyebrows and giggles.
lol these made me laugh so hard. #1 can apply to girls to, cuzz I do it all the time. I wonder why people never believe that you might ACTUALLY be thinking nothing when they ask "what are you thinking?" I assume everybody does think nothing at some point and is then asked the silly question "what are you thinking?" , and us girls nag waaaay too much when they say nothing. especially moms. Honestly I think we all know we are annoying. (I hope, for guys sake)
#1 is my favorite question, but I only ask it if there's been too much silence. Basically it's my way of saying, "You're boring me to death soooo I'm gonna try this as a convo starter" LOL. Maybe I should come up with another question. lol
I don't know if you've ever watched the british tv show Coupling (if not, you should, its hilarious). In one episode of it, the guy is being driven crazy by his fiance who says "where are you going" at the slightest movement like its set of by a motion detector and the girl is driven equally nuts by the fact that any time one of them has to make a choice he just says "its up to you"
now that ive written all this i'm not sure what point i was trying to make, but i'll post it anyway. oo, i know, you should watch coupling so you know what im talking about. it can be found on netflix or where ever less mainstream movies are sold.
5) Don't you think we should talk about this?
My boyfriend and I have turned this into a joke. Whenever we talk about something frustrating or annoying that happened at work or whatever--we look at each other and say "do you need to talk about it?" or "how did that make you feel..mmhmm mhmmm". I find this annoying it's a leading question which means WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS it's such a trap. If I want to talk to my man about something uncomfortable I start with THAT not a false question in which he has no option. Sure, he still doesn't want to talk about it but it's not like I made him think I wasn't going to :)
P.S. How did you know about THE book?!