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5 Simple Ways To Win A Guy

This week on Guyspeak, our blog theme is "How To Win A Guy" -- a good choice considering all the questions we get from readers about how they can get a guy to notice them, like them, ask them out and/or commit to them. Every day this week, one of the guys here will chime in with his two cents, so be sure to check the blog page daily.

I was lucky enough to draw first dibs, but before I give you my opinion, let me remind you of a couple of things you already know: one, every guy is different, so what works for one might not work for another. We're going for broad tendencies here. Two, you can't really make anyone like you. Some guys will like you, some won't. C'est la vie. There's no magic formula that works on every guy.

So, take these for the general suggestions they are, and don't hate me because I'm beautiful if they don't work on your guy. Or do hate me. Whatever. I can take it.

1) Be yourself

It's not rocket science. Just be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not.

There are guys out there for every type of girl, so be yourself and get a guy who fits you. Or fake a personality that isn't you and get a guy who's a terrible match, then watch the relationship fall apart when you get tired of faking it and your man wonders why you suddenly changed.

2) Know yourself

How can you know what you want in a mate when you don't even know who you are? A lot of self-awareness comes with age, but, in the meantime, get to know the unique individual who is you: what you like, what you want in life, what you value.

We all know women who say they have bad taste in men. I think the reason is often that they don't really know who they are, so they either pick guys who are a bad fit or let their guys define them and then resent it later.

A good time to learn about you is when you don't have a mate, so appreciate your single days for that reason if no other.

3) Be nice

Even Dalton (Patrick Swayze) in Road House knew this. Be nice, he told his fellow bouncers, over and over again (bouncers can be kind of dumb). Same goes for romance. Be nice. Not just to the guy you like, but to everyone. Not only is it a better way to live, but it makes you more attractive.

Nobody wants to date a beyotch. A hot beyotch can get laid, but the layer probably won't stick around long.

Also, as the old saying goes, if you're nice to your guy but mean to the waiter, you're not nice. Be kind to everyone. It's the right thing to do, and rare enough these days that people notice it.

4) Be confident

What's the best way to get a guy to notice you? Sleep with him. No, no, I'm kidding. Talk to him. Just talk to him. If you like a guy, go up to him and introduce yourself. What have you got to lose?

Self-confidence is a turn-on, and sometimes guys need to be thumped on the head to notice what's right in front of us. When your subtle hints of attraction don't work, take the direct approach. We'll always remember the girl who came up and introduced herself to us.

Same goes for dating. If we already know you but we haven't asked you out, ask us out first. Yes, you risk rejection, but so what? Life is full of rejection; better you should get used to it now.

If you don't have confidence, fake it. That's right, fake it till you make it. Yeah, I know, that goes against "be yourself," but we'll make an exception here, because the more you fake it, the more natural and real it becomes. Confidence is nothing more than a state of mind, available to anyone. Take it. But don't confuse confident with cocky. Nobody likes cocky.

5) Take care of yourself

Everyone interprets this differently, but I'm talking about things like good health (both physical and mental) and balance and self-respect. I'm not going to tell you that things like working out and drinking water and meditating will snag a mate. What they will do is make you the best that you can be (gawd, I sound like an Army commercial), and that's sort of the overall theme here: taking care of you is step one. So you can win a guy? No, so you can be happy and healthy and enjoy your life. The fact that it will make you more attractive to guys is just gravy.

Good luck.



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14 Comments

Bev

Excellent advice, Cary! I couldn't agree more. You often find romance when you're not looking for it, and when you like yourself others are bound to like you, too!

user-pic

Thank you for incorporating "Road House" in your answer! :)

nickie

awesome as always :)

Daisy

Well said! I totally agree that it is important to take care of yourself first and find the things that are important to you and what makes you happy. A man is much more likely to be attracted to someone who is happy and enjoying life than someone who is unhappy and who doesn't even know what she wants. Being nice is good advice for everyone, I think. The attitude and outlook that you have can make a huge difference in how people react to you.

Megan

Be open to receiving love and that is what you shall get. - Jesus

I paraphrased, but I think he said it best.

Ash Heart

Guys really do like it when a girl is confident!!! I have to learn on being nicer to everyone though. :(

user-pic

When does the book come out Cary? You know, the one that you need to write!

user-pic

Brilliant! I'm obsessed with this website and this is my favorite post to date because it is so right on. You nailed it.

At 30 years old I've learned each of these lessons at some point in my, say, 10 years of dating. I had an entire 3-year, marriage-bound relationship end because we both failed at #5. At 23 years old in a new city, I didn't make enough effort to develop my own interests, hobbies and social life. I had no balance between MY life and my life as his girlfriend. Balance is so vitally important to a successful relationship.


Cary McNeal

Thank you all for the kind words. Who wants hot cocoa?

chrocs

Me! Rejections sure are wearing on me but thanks to you I know I'm on the right path.

Daisy

I want some too, please. Don't forget the marshmallows! =)

user-pic

Wow...where do they make them like you? Is it in America? It's America isn't it? Why aren't Canadian college boys like you guys? Then I wouldn't have to have a secret crush on hot professors. Ah life....

Tiana

College frat boy douchbag mentality isn't limited to Canada, my dear. It's spread far and wide.

Some grow out of it, some don't. Obviously you're better off without the ones who don't grow up. ;)

babygirl west

AND professors are hot b/c they're smart... you'd still crush on your profs even if /when you find a good guy in college

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