What, you think we don't know jerk behavior when we see it? We do. You
think we like it when a few idiots try to ruin it for the rest of us? We
don't. If you're a guy reading this list and you do anything on it, grow up already.
File under Random and See, We Aren't All Alike.
1. Tell a woman you're interested when you're not and then vanish
You were too scared to tell her the truth, now she's writing Guyspeak and asking, "Why are guys so mean?" And we'll have to answer the question 11 times before she believes we aren't all like you. Nice going, asshat.
2. Don't wash your hands after you pee
I'm sorry you were raised by wolves, but consider embracing the concept of evolution. No, I won't shake your hand. Not gonna high-five you, either, because that's a high-six when you count the penis all over your hand. By the way, how were those chicken wings? Finger-lickin' good?
3. Talk trash about your mama
She might be the Devil herself but we don't want to hear it. No self-respecting man dogs out his mother to his friends. Whatever your beef, it's between you and her.
4. Bump and run
Are you a man or a feral cat? You don't just get to knock up a woman and disappear like the child isn't your responsibility. Actually, on second thought, she's probably better off without you around. But would it kill you to pay child support? Yeah, we know, you "hate that stupid bitch," but that's too bad. Should've thought about that before you got her pregnant. Now man up and do what's right by her and your child.
5. Spit in public
What kind of inbred doofus walks around spitting everywhere? I see this all the time, and from all different types of guys. The other day I was leaving a movie with friends when we heard that nails-on-a-chalkboard sound of someone sucking phlegm into his mouth from the deepest recesses of his sinus cavity, and loudly. We all turned at the same time to see a respectable, well-groomed older gentleman -- think of your father -- who, with a thunderous PFTHOOOOT!, hocked the mother of all loogies about five feet out in front of him. Then he wiped the corners of his mouth like nothing happened and went on his merry way. The fuck?! Thanks, Dad. I wasn't hungry anyway.
6. Live and breathe for sports
Sports are nice diversions--I like watching football--but if your entire life revolves around catching the game on TV and wearing team gear every day, you need to trade that life in for a real one.
7. Be rude to the server
Dude, that was SO badass how you told off that poor waitress who forgot your extra Béarnaise. PWN3D!!!! One small problem--that was my sister, and now she's crying, so I need you to step outside with me for a chat.
8. Burn rubber when the light turns green
Whoa there, Dale, Jr.! We didn't know it was a race. We concede--we're no match for you and your mom's Taurus. Never mind what we think. The tire salesman loves you.
I could go on but guys also don't like it when other guys talk too much, so this will have to do for now.
File under Random and See, We Aren't All Alike.
1. Tell a woman you're interested when you're not and then vanish
You were too scared to tell her the truth, now she's writing Guyspeak and asking, "Why are guys so mean?" And we'll have to answer the question 11 times before she believes we aren't all like you. Nice going, asshat.
2. Don't wash your hands after you pee
I'm sorry you were raised by wolves, but consider embracing the concept of evolution. No, I won't shake your hand. Not gonna high-five you, either, because that's a high-six when you count the penis all over your hand. By the way, how were those chicken wings? Finger-lickin' good?
3. Talk trash about your mama
She might be the Devil herself but we don't want to hear it. No self-respecting man dogs out his mother to his friends. Whatever your beef, it's between you and her.
4. Bump and run
Are you a man or a feral cat? You don't just get to knock up a woman and disappear like the child isn't your responsibility. Actually, on second thought, she's probably better off without you around. But would it kill you to pay child support? Yeah, we know, you "hate that stupid bitch," but that's too bad. Should've thought about that before you got her pregnant. Now man up and do what's right by her and your child.
5. Spit in public
What kind of inbred doofus walks around spitting everywhere? I see this all the time, and from all different types of guys. The other day I was leaving a movie with friends when we heard that nails-on-a-chalkboard sound of someone sucking phlegm into his mouth from the deepest recesses of his sinus cavity, and loudly. We all turned at the same time to see a respectable, well-groomed older gentleman -- think of your father -- who, with a thunderous PFTHOOOOT!, hocked the mother of all loogies about five feet out in front of him. Then he wiped the corners of his mouth like nothing happened and went on his merry way. The fuck?! Thanks, Dad. I wasn't hungry anyway.
6. Live and breathe for sports
Sports are nice diversions--I like watching football--but if your entire life revolves around catching the game on TV and wearing team gear every day, you need to trade that life in for a real one.
7. Be rude to the server
Dude, that was SO badass how you told off that poor waitress who forgot your extra Béarnaise. PWN3D!!!! One small problem--that was my sister, and now she's crying, so I need you to step outside with me for a chat.
8. Burn rubber when the light turns green
Whoa there, Dale, Jr.! We didn't know it was a race. We concede--we're no match for you and your mom's Taurus. Never mind what we think. The tire salesman loves you.
I could go on but guys also don't like it when other guys talk too much, so this will have to do for now.
How do you know if a guy doesn't wash his hands after he pees?
I see it in the men's room all the time. Guy pees, flushes, walks out. Sink? What sink?
My brother complains about this all the time to me. He tells me about 80% of the men that uses the restroom DO NOT wash their hands.
Thats pretty disgusting.
And how freaking hard is it to flush the toilet?
I am not interested in having stuff you left in there splashing up when I have to flush for you.
GREAT list, Cary! I want to post a copy of this list in every men's room in the country. (Well, not ME personally, I'd get some guy to do it for me.)
Living in the South I see spitting in all its various incarnations -- into soda bottles, vienna sausage cans (thanks, Grandpa), and out of the windows of speeding pick-up trucks. They are all nasty but when a guy spits on the street, I just want to smack him HARD upside the head. And then go tell his mama.
Thanks, RGR.
The loogey description made me queasy...
Then you would have loved hearing it in person.
You know, I have a nice lil' sporty car and sometimes I like to step on it at green lights. But here is the thing... I don't do it when there are other cars around. It's my own private lil' moment.
Just as bad as not washing your hands, those guys who briefly run their hands under the water obviously to merely be seen washing their hands.
love that you put the asshats in the number 1 spot lol keep calling them out! and answer those questions more than 11 times please! the true asshats that do this sadly have their own heads too far up their asses to realize you are speaking to them. or they do, but they don't realize they've been an asshat till someone's heart has already been broken. i have met FAR too many guys like this ugh *sigh* i have good reason not to give up the faith though : ) but i'm tellin ya, they don't make it easy that is for damn sure. asshats! ugh now i'm all mad again lol thanks for the laugh as always.
what kind of homofag writted this pile of shit?
A "homofag" who knows proper grammar, capitalization, & spelling.
Thank you for the waitress part. I haven't been insulted so much in life, since I took a job in a bar to pay for college! :'(