That's right, 99. Some are my own, some are culled from other sites, all I agree with. Well, most; some are jokes, obviously.
As you read these, remember the thing about red flags: they are warnings of potential problems, not necessarily deal-breakers. No one is perfect, so you will probably have a red flag or two with just about any guy. It's when you start having four, five, eight, ten red flags that you need to think very hard about where your relationship can go.
You might not agree with all of these. I'm okay with that. We all have different tolerance levels; one woman's red flag is another woman's dealbreaker and a third woman's non-issue. Like most things, it's subjective.
Now, let's git 'er done.
1. He says, "Let's git 'er done."
2. He's rude to the waitress.
3. He's habitually late.
4. He disparages his own family.
5. He talks too much about money, politics or religion.
6. He refers to his exes as bitches, whores, fat pigs, c**ts, psychos, etc.
7. The breakups were all their fault, not his.
8. He can't drink without getting drunk.
9. He wants lots of high-fives. "You like beer, too? High-five!"
10. None of his relationships lasts longer than a couple of months.
11. He's been married and divorced more than once.
12. He's hiding something. "Only call me on this number."
13. He doesn't hold the door, help you with your coat, walk you to the car, etc. No manners.
14. He takes phone calls during your date.
15. He refuses even to try sushi.
16. He expects you to split the check on the first date.
17. He's "not really into books."
18. He's never traveled beyond his home state.
19. He talks about his mother all night.
20. He talks about his ex-wife all night.
21. He talks about Jesus all night.
22. He tells you why he's going to the restroom. "I gotta drain the weasel!"
23. He refers to things he doesn't like as "gay."
24. He routinely uses words like "fag," "queer," "dyke," or "rug muncher" to describe a gay person.
25. He uses racial slurs or tells racist jokes.
26. He has bad hygiene.
27. He's too primped: manicure, eyebrows waxed, hair bleached, etc.
28. He has no sense of humor.
29. He hates kids and animals.
30. He has no hobbies. Watching football doesn't count.
31. He wears skinny jeans
32. He wears guyliner.
33. He one-ups you a lot.
34. He knows everything and won't let you forget it.
35. He talks about himself all the time and asks few questions about you.
36. He isn't open to points of view that differ from his.
37. He frequently answers, "It's complicated" in reply to a question from you.
38. He won't see a "chick flick."
39. He starts lobbying for sex on the first date.
40. He asks to borrow money.
41. He won't make a move even when it's time to make a move.
42. You've dated for several months and haven't met any of his friends, family or co-workers.
43. You catch him in a lie.
44. He sometimes won't answer your phone calls or return your texts.
45. He criticizes you early on.
46. You have to initiate every date.
47. He calls you his girlfriend by your second date.
48. He comments too much on what or how much you eat.
49. He never wants to go out. "Let's stay in."
50. He has Playboy centerfolds hanging on the back of his bedroom door.
51. He tells you how much money he makes.
52. He tells you what he spent on his home.
53. He tells you what he spent on his car.
54. He tells you what he spends on hookers.
55. He has a child(ren) that he "doesn't see that much."
56. He lives at home and seems to be in no hurry to leave.
57. He doesn't know how to do laundry, mop a floor, clean a tub, or make a simple dinner.
58. He uses the phrase "women's work."
59. He never invites you to his place. What's he hiding?
60. He's generally negative; everything sucks.
61. He likes the mirror too much; he's vain.
62. He's a narcissist: everything is about him. What you said earlier about men, were you talking about him?
63. He drives a fancy car but rents his home.
64. He drops a lot of not-so-subtle brags on himself: "I hated to take a break from writing my memoirs and training for the decathlon, but when a good friend like Matt Damon asks you to help him build thatch huts for the poor and disenfranchised in Sri Lanka for a month, how do you say no?"
65. He has more clothes than you.
66. He refers to sex as "hitting it."
67. His ex is still in the picture.
68. He checks out other women when he's with you.
69. He's vague about what he does for a living.
70. He's not interested in physical activity beyond sex.
71. He talks trash about everyone, even people he calls friends.
72. He gossips too much.
73. He says you remind him of his ex.
74. He says you remind him of his sister.
75. He says you remind him of his mom.
76. He says you remind him of Mick Jagger.
77. His friends are jerks.
78. He's sensitive--too sensitive. Coffee commercials should not make anyone cry.
79. His life is filled with endless drama.
80. He has never been to the theater, symphony, ballet or opera. The Pink Floyd laser show does not count.
81. He belittles your opinion.
82. He blames his bad temper on you. You provoked him.
83. You have wondered (even once) if he has a drinking problem.
84. He can't be serious about anything.
85. He's never wrong about anything. He'll say "I'm not perfect," yet he never admits mistakes.
86. He openly admits being unfaithful to an ex.
87. He openly admits liking country music.
88. He has trouble articulating his feelings.
89. He has trouble looking you in the eye.
90. He seems threatened by your relationships with other men and makes jokes about them. "Who's that, your new boyfriend?"
91. He disappears for days or weeks at a time.
92. He constantly quotes his therapist.
93. He's 45 but only dates women who are 25 and younger.
94. He makes a comment about your weight.
95. He can't go a single day without working out, ever.
96. He can't hook up the cable to the DVD to the TV without printed instructions.
97. He owns anything at all with a Confederate flag on it.
98. He spits in public.
99. Nothing is ever good enough: "Yeah, that was good, but you should have done this or that or the other."
Got any to add? Of course you do. Let's hear them.
Sources: eHow, YourTango, eHarmony, The Frisky, Every Day Better Living, LovesAGame, BettyConfidential, Glamour.
As you read these, remember the thing about red flags: they are warnings of potential problems, not necessarily deal-breakers. No one is perfect, so you will probably have a red flag or two with just about any guy. It's when you start having four, five, eight, ten red flags that you need to think very hard about where your relationship can go.
You might not agree with all of these. I'm okay with that. We all have different tolerance levels; one woman's red flag is another woman's dealbreaker and a third woman's non-issue. Like most things, it's subjective.
Now, let's git 'er done.
1. He says, "Let's git 'er done."
2. He's rude to the waitress.
3. He's habitually late.
4. He disparages his own family.
5. He talks too much about money, politics or religion.
6. He refers to his exes as bitches, whores, fat pigs, c**ts, psychos, etc.
7. The breakups were all their fault, not his.
8. He can't drink without getting drunk.
9. He wants lots of high-fives. "You like beer, too? High-five!"
10. None of his relationships lasts longer than a couple of months.
11. He's been married and divorced more than once.
12. He's hiding something. "Only call me on this number."
13. He doesn't hold the door, help you with your coat, walk you to the car, etc. No manners.
14. He takes phone calls during your date.
15. He refuses even to try sushi.
16. He expects you to split the check on the first date.
17. He's "not really into books."
18. He's never traveled beyond his home state.
19. He talks about his mother all night.
20. He talks about his ex-wife all night.
21. He talks about Jesus all night.
22. He tells you why he's going to the restroom. "I gotta drain the weasel!"
23. He refers to things he doesn't like as "gay."
24. He routinely uses words like "fag," "queer," "dyke," or "rug muncher" to describe a gay person.
25. He uses racial slurs or tells racist jokes.
26. He has bad hygiene.
27. He's too primped: manicure, eyebrows waxed, hair bleached, etc.
28. He has no sense of humor.
29. He hates kids and animals.
30. He has no hobbies. Watching football doesn't count.
31. He wears skinny jeans
32. He wears guyliner.
33. He one-ups you a lot.
34. He knows everything and won't let you forget it.
35. He talks about himself all the time and asks few questions about you.
36. He isn't open to points of view that differ from his.
37. He frequently answers, "It's complicated" in reply to a question from you.
38. He won't see a "chick flick."
39. He starts lobbying for sex on the first date.
40. He asks to borrow money.
41. He won't make a move even when it's time to make a move.
42. You've dated for several months and haven't met any of his friends, family or co-workers.
43. You catch him in a lie.
44. He sometimes won't answer your phone calls or return your texts.
45. He criticizes you early on.
46. You have to initiate every date.
47. He calls you his girlfriend by your second date.
48. He comments too much on what or how much you eat.
49. He never wants to go out. "Let's stay in."
50. He has Playboy centerfolds hanging on the back of his bedroom door.
51. He tells you how much money he makes.
52. He tells you what he spent on his home.
53. He tells you what he spent on his car.
54. He tells you what he spends on hookers.
55. He has a child(ren) that he "doesn't see that much."
56. He lives at home and seems to be in no hurry to leave.
57. He doesn't know how to do laundry, mop a floor, clean a tub, or make a simple dinner.
58. He uses the phrase "women's work."
59. He never invites you to his place. What's he hiding?
60. He's generally negative; everything sucks.
61. He likes the mirror too much; he's vain.
62. He's a narcissist: everything is about him. What you said earlier about men, were you talking about him?
63. He drives a fancy car but rents his home.
64. He drops a lot of not-so-subtle brags on himself: "I hated to take a break from writing my memoirs and training for the decathlon, but when a good friend like Matt Damon asks you to help him build thatch huts for the poor and disenfranchised in Sri Lanka for a month, how do you say no?"
65. He has more clothes than you.
66. He refers to sex as "hitting it."
67. His ex is still in the picture.
68. He checks out other women when he's with you.
69. He's vague about what he does for a living.
70. He's not interested in physical activity beyond sex.
71. He talks trash about everyone, even people he calls friends.
72. He gossips too much.
73. He says you remind him of his ex.
74. He says you remind him of his sister.
75. He says you remind him of his mom.
76. He says you remind him of Mick Jagger.
77. His friends are jerks.
78. He's sensitive--too sensitive. Coffee commercials should not make anyone cry.
79. His life is filled with endless drama.
80. He has never been to the theater, symphony, ballet or opera. The Pink Floyd laser show does not count.
81. He belittles your opinion.
82. He blames his bad temper on you. You provoked him.
83. You have wondered (even once) if he has a drinking problem.
84. He can't be serious about anything.
85. He's never wrong about anything. He'll say "I'm not perfect," yet he never admits mistakes.
86. He openly admits being unfaithful to an ex.
87. He openly admits liking country music.
88. He has trouble articulating his feelings.
89. He has trouble looking you in the eye.
90. He seems threatened by your relationships with other men and makes jokes about them. "Who's that, your new boyfriend?"
91. He disappears for days or weeks at a time.
92. He constantly quotes his therapist.
93. He's 45 but only dates women who are 25 and younger.
94. He makes a comment about your weight.
95. He can't go a single day without working out, ever.
96. He can't hook up the cable to the DVD to the TV without printed instructions.
97. He owns anything at all with a Confederate flag on it.
98. He spits in public.
99. Nothing is ever good enough: "Yeah, that was good, but you should have done this or that or the other."
Got any to add? Of course you do. Let's hear them.
Sources: eHow, YourTango, eHarmony, The Frisky, Every Day Better Living, LovesAGame, BettyConfidential, Glamour.
A guy I dated for a bit had 11 of these. Good thing I ditched him!!!!!
Don't agree with the country music thing... alt country is good music.
Kinda like number 7, but I would like to add: The breakups were all his fault, and he admits it. Never good.
Also, 98. is SUCH a deal-breaker for me.
Great list, Cary. #76 would be a definite deal breaker for me. You always make me laugh. Thx. :-D
I spose some of these can apply to daddies too...my dad does quite a few of these and mom (and me) go through hell at home.
Cowboy boots. Proves he either likes the country or is country to the core. Not good. He continues to live on a farm (even if he doesn't anymore) where there is no such thing as victory because there's always more chores in the morning. Nothing is ever truly "finished".
He lived in a small town all his life. He's closed minded. Tends to be sexist and very "this is the way it is done and there is no other way to do it" (can apply to a variety of situations)
He never moved around as a kid. Changes are extremely frightening. often unwilling to take risks.
Does everything for you and acts sorta like your bodyguard. Sure, sweet at first but if you enjoy your freedom get away fast. Otherwise you'll be stuck playing computer games all day wishing you could do housework but he won't let you because it's his way of showing he "loves" you. Interesting prison.
I could probably think of a ton more, but here are some.
Hey, I think your dad would get along with my dad! :/
Ladies…, are these things YOU do too? Let’s all revisit the list & see how many red flags WE put out. Rut Row...
I don't think I saw this one on the list...
-Every other word out of his mouth is a curse word and he has no problem swearing in front of little kids.
Woo, my boyfriend passes!!
And I agree with SWSNBN - I dated a guy who swore like a sailor, regardless of who was around. It didn't bother me at first, but then he got angry when a parent was offended he'd been swearing loudly around kids. Not cool!
Wellllllllll shit. A whopping 26 items could apply to my boyfriend. Ha. I sure know how to pick 'em!
I was actually holding my breath reading through the list!
*big sigh of relief*
Lets see....from growing up around my dad and what I know of his past, he does the following:
2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 11 (4 times if you count my mom), 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 24, 25, 30, 34, 35, 36, 38, 39, 43, 45, 48, 50 (actually it's Penthouse dating back all the way to about 1960 and he has ALL of them still plus a large stash of porno movies), 57, 58, 60, 62, 68, 70, 81, 82, 85 (except that my dad didn't even utter the words "I'm not perfect"), 86, 88, 89, 90, 93 (he always looked for women way younger than him), 94, 98, 99.
Wow! My mom sure can pick em! The ONLY thing I can say for my dad is that he never drank...Which is why I think my mom picked him. Her other 2 husbands were alcoholics. I think all she saw was "not a drinker" and ran with it. She stayed married to him for 27 years. WTF?
My husband does nothing on this list. :)
Things to add to the list (some are obvious):
* They hit you
* They try to isolate you from your friends, family, and having any kind of social life outside of him.
* They cheat on you and/or hit on your friends and family (my dad was the champion at this one!)
I'd like to just add, these list of things are exactly why I haven't spoken to my dad or seen him in over 3 years.
I guess I'd also like to add name-calling. The final straw for me was when he told my 4 year old daughter "you're a fucking little asshole" because she wouldn't let go of the pencil she was holding onto and writing with when he tried to take it from her.
Yeah. Buh-bye.
You're getting into deal-breaker territory now. Red flags can be overlooked, depending on how bad you consider them to be.
Oh yeah. My dad was deal-breaker territory when my mom met him. And ever since he name-called my daughter he's been kicked out of my life. I gave him a chance to respect my boundaries, but he didn't like that idea, so I made him go bye bye. :)
OK how about this one? I've been too hurt in the past so I have a problem trusting anyone. RUN AWAY!!!
One to add to the list blowing you off and acting like it was a not big deal.
Wow, my most current ex had about 40 of these traits!! I wont list them all and I'm sure that if I actually thought about it I could probably add a few more to the list, but all I can say is that they were not all apparent at first. They slowly crept up in the relationship until one day it almost felt like I got slapped up side the head with the realization that things were just not ok and I needed to figure out a way to get out of that situation. My current bf has 3 of these traits, but I don't feel that they are true red flags for me.
He makes crude comments about your mom. To her face. The first time he met her.
Deal-breaker!
Keep in mind that these are just my opinion. If your guy has 15 of these and they don't bother you, great.
I think #4 can be okay as long as the complaints are reasonable. I dated a guy whose brother was a drug addict and whose parents stole from his bank accounts. Honestly, I would have been a lot more concerned if he hadn't pointed out that he thought those things were bad. At least I knew that he knew that they were unacceptable.
But I agree that if he's just like, "My mom is making me do chores! She's such a bitch!" that's a red flag.
:P My bf has like 20-something!!! But I don't really care, they're minor things to me :) And he has so many great qualities that it's easy to get over these ''red-flags'' haha
Totally agree with Marie. My boyfriend has a few of them but the ones he has dont bug me at all. And I dont get what everyones problem is with guys and farms? Not all guys raised on a farm are sexiest, racist etc...
It can totally depend on how they were rasied. I was raised on a farm and Im neither of those. This list defintely shows how different some girls prioirites are.
Oh, #9. There's nothing inherently wrong with high fives, imo. But a guy who wants them probably is just looking to be friends. My very first crush would give high-fives all the time. At the time I was flattered, but as time passed I realized all we really wanted in each other was a friend.
My ex has 25 of these lol
#27 yes!!!!
any guy whose eyebrows are more plucked and fixed than mine is automatically gone!
also, guys who get offended by jokes too easily (tying into the sensitive one.)
My husband has 19 of these traits... no wonder he's soon to be my ex...
I agree too, that some of these are just annoyances, while others are deal breakers... for me the deal breakers out of the 17 were 7, 34-36, 81, 82, 45, 62. These happen CONSTANTLY... no more......
when he complains and whines more than you do
100. He doesn't show common courtesy to women who can do nothing for him...like elderly women, ugly women, women in customer service positions, etc. - just like being rude to the waitress, but it's in general.
I would add that if he has a child(ren) and has had to be taken to court by his ex to make him pay child support. Deadbeats are more than just a red flag.
he pees in public!
100. He pees in public!
p.s. My last ex had 21 (not including the "peeing in public")!!!
100. He pees in public!
p.s. My last ex had 21 (not including the "peeing in public")! And I stayed with him for a year! hahaha
Country Music? How is that bad, it is a genre of music. It should be rap. lol. But everyone is entilted to thier own opinnon. I LOVE country music. It sounds very good, and it is not a bad thing ether.
How about, he gets caught watching porn on his phone...while you're in bed next to him...on your honeymoon. A friend of mine is married to a guy who did that.
I is sad. My bf has 4 of these. Except when he tells me he's going to the bathroom, he says he's going to do some paperwork. No idea where he got that. He has no paper in his bathroom even for reading. Oh well. None of these things are deal breakers for me.
My own deal breaker would be laughing at you when you're sad/hurt.