I'm getting ready to propose to my girlfriend. She knows it's coming. I just need to secure the ring and figure out a good way to surprise her. Possibly achieving the former will require robbing a jewelry store and leaving the money for the ring on the counter, solely to avoid a lecture about what specifically my future wife wants for an engagement ring and then to try to sell me something totally different.
I'm rapidly learning that everything related to weddings is a nightmarish hell of rip-offs and guilt trips. Apparently once you decide to get married, caterers, jewelers, clothing stores, etc. decide you have a bottomless wallet and they have a right to make you feel bad for making responsible fiscal decisions. A friend of mine is getting married, and had everything set with the cupcakes she wanted until the baker found out it was a wedding, then turned around and jacked up the estimate by 20%. Because those were the "wedding" prices. The difference? The pan liners used for the cupcakes.
I can't say I'm looking forward to the wedding planning because the average wedding somehow costs $27,000 now, and it's not like I can trick the producers of "My Fair Wedding" to swoop in and pay for it. Maybe instead of gifts we'll make it a potluck.
But buying the engagement ring must be a special kind of hell, because I've spent two weeks sneaking off to jewelry stores, one after the other, and it's always the same series of events:
- I walk in the door and start looking at rings while waiting for an associate. This is apparently my first mistake.
- The associate comes over after fifteen to twenty minutes, even if the store is absolutely dead.
- Fortunately, I know exactly what I want, because she's told me exactly what I want. I tell the jeweler what my girlfriend wants, making it clear this is exactly what she told me, and my budgetary range, which isn't millions but is pretty good, from what I understand of this. None of this, by the way, is custom work or in any way difficult for a jeweler to do. I know because I called a few on the phone and checked.
- He immediately informs me that's not what she wants. At this point, the desire to kick the jeweler in the jewels builds.
- The salesperson immediately shows me a ring that costs twice what I told him or her I was willing to pay and is the complete and total opposite of what I was specifically told she wanted, by her, in conversations about this exact topic. I politely demur and tell the jeweler again precisely what I want, silently adding "...or I will punt you in the crotch so hard your children will cry from the pain."
- At this point the associate morphs from a professional salesperson to the compleat smug, annoying p***k. Yes, even the women. I get a lengthy explanation of the female psyche, and how she thinks she wants this, but once she sees this, she'll fall in love with it. This puts me in a seething murderous rage.
- I tell the salesperson I'll have to think about it, not mentioning that "it" is whether I'm going to torch every car or just slash all the tires in the parking lot. This is greeted with a smug chuckle. I leave, torch said store on Yelp, and go to another one, where the cycle repeats.
And that is how your boyfriend either wound up with a ring he couldn't afford, or quietly went to a pawn shop and bought the first engagement ring he found.
I can't wait for the wedding. Maybe I should set aside some money for large, burly men with sledgehammers to completely destroy the trucks of extorting vendors. That'd be a valid wedding expense, right?
See, I got really lucky, my wife gave me a good idea of what it was that she wanted, and I went online and I found exactly that and ordered it in her size and done. No dealing with pushy, annoying sales people - no thoughts of homicide. Seriously, it was really easy.
See, I'm hesitant to shop online if for no other reason than if something goes wrong, I want to be able to go to the store directly. If I'm going to drop a lot of money on something for someone else, I want an unimpeachable guarantee of repair.
It may be possible to order online through one of the vendors you've physically visited so that you could have the option of conveniently taking it back should something go wrong. It's worth looking into...
It may be possible to order online through one of the vendors you've physically visited so that you could have the option of conveniently taking it back should something go wrong. It's worth looking into...
my ex husband bought mine online too, he spent a great deal of time researching it (*sigh* if only he'd spent as much time on the relationship lol) gorgeous ring too, over one carat princess cut, platinum band and top of the line quality for a price that was about 25% of what it was appraised for. it was a diamond wholesaler, and they offered custom banding and setting with it as well for crazy cheap. i couldn't tell you the name though and it was kind of like, back when the internet first started lol so even riskier then. but i got the GIA certificate with it and everything, and it all went seamlessly (to my knowledge). i am sure there is an abundance of suppliers like that today. as a woman, i want to say don't take her with you. that moment of surprise and the knowledge of the effort that you put into it is one amazing moment she will never forget. and elated (as opposed to "belated" lol) congratulations!!!!
You could always propose with a simple/placeholder engagement ring and then you both could go to get the real ring together.
Funny thing is...they do this to women, too. I'm starting to hate the jewelry business.
That's what my husband did, and I was glad. I got exactly what I wanted. We went to a custom jeweler and got some unique rings. We were able to talk directly to the owner. Dan, you might try going to an "off the beaten path" kind of store instead of a major jeweler. I can't guarantee it but my (and my husband's) experience was reasonably pleasant.
There's only one solution in times like these. Go back in time and abort the prick that started all this engagement ring assholery from the time stream.
Haha, but I don't think it was a single individual. According to what I've seen and read (don't know if true, take it with a grain of salt), it was deBeer's Diamond, sometime around the end of WWII that "planted" the idea that its "tradition" to buy a diamond engagement ring. My grandmother, who was married twice before WWII even began, said the only rings involved were the exchange of matching rings, usually plain unornamental rings. That, supposedly, goes back to Babylonian times. I can believe this is true, because not only Eastern and Western Europe have that tradition, even Middle Eastern countries do the same during weddings, which tells me its a very old tradition.
Costco supposedly has a good reputation for diamonds - quality at a reasonable price. You can get the setting there or elsewhere.
I say just take her with you. This is why I've bought my own ring, its exactly what I want its a replica of JLO's pink engagment ring, tacky I know but it saves both me and my boyfreind the pressure of dealing with a sales person. I ordered from a catalog
I would just ask someone in her family if they have a family heirloom, re-size it of course but those are so much more meaningful then the so-called "custom" rings they have now, as if find if it really is custom, you probably really can't afford it...
Congrats and I'm sure you'll have a wonderful life after the wedding, just remember to laugh. Weddings aren't supposed to be so serious.
You're doing a good thing RP :) The only reason the sales people are able to get under your skin is because they know how to play on the vulnerability of such a wonderful profound event that is happening in your life with this. Just remember whats important to you and your girlfriend and your future together and focus on THAT while you do these tasks. It is ABSOLUTELY NOT NECASSARY to spend $27,000 on your wedding and begin your life together in ridiculous debt. It's only necassary that you care enought to care about what will make you and her happy together. You cared enough to ask what she wants, you're doing the work, don't let these people who WILL NOT be there AFTER the wedding to be a part of your life together have ANY influence over you! GO ROCK THAT ROCK! And let this time be a blessing, not a stressing! xo
Don't worry, there's no way I'm spending a new car's worth of cash on a party. It's just the fact that so, so many vendors are essentially out to screw you that I find depressing.
Of COURSE you're smarter than that! I think it's awesome that you are trying to keep SOME element of surprise, which is why you're not shopping together :) It looks like there's some good options for you from all these responses so you can avoid the idiot pushy sales people. It makes me mad, too, that they're getting close to taking away the joy of it for you, and I'm sure many others.
My boyfriend and I went shopping for my engagement ring together. I think it's a great idea as long as the engagement is something the couple both expect! I meant that I was given the perfect ring, plus my husband-to-be escapes all the stress of buying something on my behalf.
Of course once we bought the ring he had to hide it from me and surprise me later!
Geez, where'd you go? My boyfriend and I went together and had no troubles, and he said that he was surprised at how easy it was.
Go to Costco! Seriously!!! Go! Beautiful and great prices! And no pusher jewelry and a fantastic warrenity. Yeah it's not from a fancy place but who cares! I love mine and it's it didn't blow all my hubby's cash!
I got supremely lucky. My wife's country, there are no exchange of rings, no engagement rings. Getting married requires only for the couple to sign papers at the local office of the city one resides in.
I love the looks I get when I tell people I'm married, they always ask "where's your ring???", to which I reply "Don't have one, her country's tradition don't do rings and we got married by her country's traditions."
I did get her a diamond ring anyway, but she only wears it when we go out to fancy restaurants or social engagements.
I had a history professor who exchanged wooden rings with his wife. They were already married many years when he could actually probably afford it before he got her the diamond one. T'was cool and unique, and endearing to hear that love isn't comprised of the rings worn around the fingers.
I am NOT a fan of engagement rings. I don't really wear rings to begin with but of course I would make an exception for my wedding band. I don't think I want my boyfriend paying hundreds or thousands of dollars over a ring I don't even want or would wear. I would prefer he used the money to take me on vacation and propose there with only his heart felt words and the beautiful scenery around us.
But that's just me.
Congratulations, Dan! I know you haven't officially asked her yet but since she'll say yes, it's valid. =)
I'm only paying 2000$ for my wedding, but then again I'm Canadian! My church volunteered to have the wedding for free, my dress was on the sale rack for 250$ because it was clearance of last season's stock. Our wedding rings we shopped around and managed to get simple gold bands on sale that cost us around 300$ in total. The ladies group and our aunts and friends volunteered to do the pies for the reception because we're having and evening wedding so we aren't required to feed people other than a dessert bar, plus it's not customary with my family heritage to feed people at weddings, it's customary to have an evening wedding with a dance and finger foods. The photography and videography are wedding gifts from friends, so all we really have to pay for is the church hall for the reception, the flowers and the decorations.
so we've been really blessed, I hope you have similar luck Reformed Player! I know it's a pain when everyone seems to be expecting you to spend your retirement fund on your wedding. It is possible to be fiscally responsible and still have a nice wedding. I'm more of a simple, sentimental person and so is my fiancé so getting everyone involved in our wedding is a much more memorable and enjoyable experience than paying strangers. Plus, if I'm going to spend 27,000$ on a wedding I'd rather elope and spend all that on my honeymoon. A month spent internationally, enjoying my new spouse or and evening pleasing everyone and their nephew; the choice is easy to me!