It seems that right after a nasty break up the mud slugging usually slings South of The Border. That's a euphemism for the vagina, penis and sex life. Couples that split up and don't have things like houses, cars and children to fight over, have to find the next best thing: facts -- AKA their memories.
The time after a break up is sort of like the moments after a presidential debate; both parties start their spin campaign claiming victory and pissing on their opponents head, shoulders knees and genitals. The two "presidents" are surrounded by friends and family -- party leaders and political pundits who act as Yes-Men, bolstering their warrior's ego and helping spread the party line. My guy is right! He was and is awesome. Also, the other guy sucks. He has a smelly vagina and can't give oral to save her life!
As I write this I'm staring at a picture of Hugh Hefner's rich, wrinkly-ass face and his runaway bride, Playmate Crystal Harris. This week Harris spilled her beans about their sex life and cited 3 lovely facts: their doin' it totaled a whopping one time; Hef has "two second staying power;" and is a severe nudie-phobe (she claims to have never seen him in the buck). Oh, and for dessert? She was never, ever attracted the guy.
Now, you can't argue attraction; who's to say if Harris -- a twenty something bombshell -- was ever physically attracted to a man born in the same year as the first successful transatlantic telephone call (1926). But saying they had sex only once and that the king of America's sex empire is a body bashful, two second pump. That's some break up sh*t in the first degree.
Naturally Crystal's confidants support her and take her for her word.
Also, naturally, Hugh fought back. Now, he could have laid this all to rest by posting a video of him, fully naked f8cking 24 stunning blondes, each for at least 8 full seconds, while a flashing neon graphic reads "Who's pumping for 2 seconds now, Suckah?!" But he did the next best thing. He tweeted "Crystal did a crazy interview with Howard Stern today that didn't have much to do with reality. Is she trying to impress a new boyfriend?" and has since gotten a few ex lovers ("political" pundits on the payroll) to vouch for his donkey dong, monkey in the sack sex and overall appeal.
So what have we learned? I suppose that hell hath no fury like a bad break up. We are all compelled to claim our history and truth. And, to spread that gospel to the best of our ability. Somehow this makes us feel better. Stronger. Wiser. Less hurt. Somehow getting to tell Howard Stern or even some MSW named Dr. Stern, that our ex sucks and we knew it all along- feels good.
If the goal is not setting the record straight, it is without doubt setting the record louder.
Now it's your turn, dear Readers. Are you a ball-breaking mudslinger post break up? Are you the recipient of some mud to the crotch?
Neither…, I went quietly into the night. He was a good person in general.., just not a good person for me.
(I’m sure I have posted a comment here & there about him though.)
Hmmm....I can say a lot of bad things about my ex, a lot of good things too. But the one area I can say nothing bad about was the sex. I'll always have fond memories and no matter how pissed off I was, whenever I see him I still get a little twinge of lust....we weren't good for each other, but we were good together. I think the difference is, I'm proud of good sex. I want good sex, and if that's not there the relationship can't end all that bitterly, because I'm not sticking around very long if we don't groove to the same jive, if you catch my drift. And the couple of guys I didn't have good sex with, I sincerely believe the chemistry was off, it wasn't that we were bad in bed, we were bad together. I have broken up with guys specifically because the sex never felt right, but that's no one's fault, not every two bodies fit right. And lord strike me down if I ever utter false pretense against my current guy's performance, because we don't just groove well we we've got fireworks going.
I'd have to agree with currently satified. I was in a relationship where the sex was pretty bad. Terrible actually...But, he was a nice guy overall. Of course I never told him the sex was horrible in the end...O_O
I bitch to my friends, but I don't start a campaign to slander his future sex life.
And to be honest, I really think the people who do that sort of down-south-mudslinging, as it were, are simply the ones who are caustic and hateful in general in thier lives as a whole.
I would never say things about past guys.. That's just cruel, and I'd never want it to happen to me. I've never understood why some girls lie about their sex life.. Does it make them that much better? You just end up looking like an ugly person.
I don't bitch per se. But I like to talk about my feelings. A lot. So much so that by the end of the first month of the breakup, my friends start rolling their eyes at the mention of the ex. But I can't help it. It usually helps to talk about my feelings, why I'm hurting and so on and so forth. No mudslinging involved, however. The things I say are always things that I would admit right to his face, that he knows are true. Sure, feelings get hurt, but that's no reason to get all crazy phyco bitch.
When a couple breaks up, it is sad and personal between the two of them. There are always two sides - they just don't meet any more. His reality vs her reality. If there is bitterness on either side and it comes out, that only creates more bitterness... not productive. I lean towards not saying anything if there is nothing good to say.
Luckily, I have never dealt with a mudslinger - that would certainly give you good reason to get over him/her, wouldn't it?