What's most unattractive in a woman: promiscuity, freckles, sex tapes, C-section scars, or grandkids? It's a I'm-having-a-bad-freckle-day-and-does-the-c-section-make-me-look-fat? edition of GuySpeak's Best of the Week!
Wise Ass says:
You should let it go. The guy dumped you and told you to move on, and you did--in a big way. Good for you. You didn't cheat on him; he broke it off and you were single again, and free to do whatever you wanted. Guilt is overrated. Yes, it can be instructional and help you learn from your mistakes, but so many people take it up like a cross and can't ever put it down. Others feel it for no good reason at all, either out of habit or because blaming themselves can be easier than acknowledging bad behavior in someone they love.
What happened, happened. He dumped you and you got laid. Big whup. No harm, no foul. Let it go and move on.
If you're wondering whether or not you should tell him, that's up to you. I wouldn't--remember, you were single at the time, and it's really none of his business. But if he asks and you don't want to lie, then tell him the truth. If he doesn't like it, too frickin' bad, he broke up with you. What did he expect you to do, sit at home polishing your chastity belt?
Gal Pal says:
Just enjoy the memories - you'll be glad to have them when you're 80. If you really feel guilty, just imagine the seven girls he banged while you were broken up. And I mean, things could be worse. You could have got knocked up by one of the guys and ended up with C-section scars...
Chic Geek says:
Nah. Presumably the wonderful, amazing child (or children) that sprang from his loins emerged from that scar. Nothing wrong with C-sections. 'Cause, you know, the baby's gotta come out somehow. If it weren't for c-sects, you wouldn't have a certain geeky blogger. (No, I'm not talking about Wil Wheaton.)
Any guy who wouldn't sleep with you because of your c-scar is vain, douche-y, and lacks a basic understanding of the miracle of birth. A good guy will love you, scars and all. What, you think he's perfect? Look a little closer.
He's probably got adult acne, copious back hair, itch of the jock region, and who knows what else. But you still love him, right? Don't be worried about a necessary scar that potentially saved you and your baby's lives.
Gal Pal says:
Scars are mad sexy to guys! And you got them by being a superhero - so show off your superscars with pride. (I once met a woman who got her stretch marks tattooed with flames - fly that flag proud, lady!) And I mean, things could be a lot worse. You could have freckles...
Are freckles a turn-on or a turn-off to guys? (By the way, it's not a bazillion freckles, only some on the face and not on body.)
Reformed Player says:
I love freckles. Any man who would find them a turn-off is seriously lacking in taste. I dated a woman once whose face was a vast constellation of freckles and sometimes when we were in bed, I'd try to kiss each and every one of them.
I never finished the count, because we'd always end up naked and wrapped in sheets.
Gal Pal says:
Where do I get a freckle procedure? Because they're basically the next boob jobs. And stop complaining! I mean, things could be worse. You could have grandkids...
Hi, I'm a guy living with my girlfriend and she's always babysitting her grandkids; that' a turn-off for me. Should I feel that way?
Girls' BFF says:
In the pantheon of questions I really never expected to read here at Guyspeak, this has to be at the top of the list. Seriously, I didn't see "babysitting" grandkids as a problem that would come up, let alone be a turn off.
On to your question, no you shouldn't feel that way. They're her grandchildren for cripe's sake. While I know people have odd turnoffs in life - broccoli, toenails shaped like girdles, Republicans - being upset about a woman spending time with her grandchildren is really a bad one. I'm guessing spending time with them cuts into the time that you'd like to be spending with her or has potentially ruined some outings you had planned. But whoopty do. They're her flesh and blood. Family does things like that for one another.
Sorry for you bub, she's a grandmother and grandmother's love their grandchildren and love spending time with them. Be glad she's not the type to not give a damn about them. You can ask her to not do it so much or to perhaps make more time for you if they're really taking up that much time, though. Like, if you wake up in the morning and they're a 4-year-old staring at you waiting for you to make breakfast. Yeah, you can ask for some changes if those are the problem. But beefing because she looks after her grandbabies, in general? Bad form.
Gal Pal says:
Just be thankful they're her grandkids and not her real kids. Grandmas got to be fun and sugar and love and toy trains! That's the lady you want to date, not the mom with bedtimes and homework and time-out chairs. I mean, things could be worse. You could have made a shady sex tape.
I was a shady free spirit in my youth. Should I tell my new boyfriend about all the sex tapes in my past? You never know what could hit the internet.
Funny Guy says:
Hmm. To tell or not to tell, that is the question. You speak of being shady and a free spirit. That's a big spectrum. What are your sex tapes exactly? Did you give the door guy at CBGB's a hand job? Did you kiss a girl on the lips once at a school dance? Did you ingest a sheet of acid and have sex with the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond.
I mean, here's the thing. You are in a relationship now; I hope you want that relationship to be filled with respect, openness and trust. I hope your new boyfriend likes you for who you are, and understands that whoever you are today, is the result of who you've been. Rome wasn't built in a day. It took a lot of shady slave owners to build the Roman Coliseum. Do you feel me?
I say tell him. What's the worst that will happen? He'll feel insecure seeing you have sex with a Pittsburgh Steeler? He'll think you were a shady slut? A moral-less pervert with super-human flexibility? So be it. You're above all things, honest AND, from what you're saying, not the same person you once were. If he has confidence in himself and values the relationship he will accept things as they are - and simply look at Ray Romano differently.
Gal Pal says:
Girl, you so shady. But listen to me from earlier. Do. Not. Tell. Him. If the internet fills him in, then fill him in that it was part of your past, not your present. Stop stressing. I mean, things could be worse. Your f-buddy could start talking babies...
A guy I am casually sleeping with casually discusses marriage and babies (in general, not with me) with me. Is there anything to conclude here?
Mystery man says:
You have two possible options here: Either he is interested in taking it further with you, and is very clumsily probing for your opinion on that. If his probing in bed matches his probing questions, you should think about finding someone more forceful and satisfying for your casual needs.
Or he has questions that a lot of guys get curious about. Ones that he trusts you to answer seriously and without getting ideas because you are firmly in the trusted but non-serious bed partner category. Sort of a sister, but without the whole "keeping it in the family" stigma.
How to choose which it is? Luckily for you, I am bored today, so have prepared a handy series of questions for you to answer:
Does he sleep with other women? Or see other women? Or talk to you about other women? Does he refuse to go shopping with you? Is he there to listen without discomfort or complaint when you talk about other men in your life? Does he sometimes turn down a night with you? Is he sometimes really hard to get hold of?
If the answer to these is No, you are probably looking at the first option. If the answer to these is Yes, please pick option Two. As to what to do about it - well, it is your life, your call.
Gal Pal says:
The question to ask is if you want kids. If so, stop the birth control. Sounds like this dude would be down. If not, find a new f-buddy. And remember - things can always be worse. Be thankful that they're not. Thanks for playing and have a wonderful Turkey Day, guys and girls!