I think you already know the answer.

The problem you describe is one that 99% of people reading this question have had at some time in their lives. We've all been through phases where we can't seem to make a love connection. Like you, we've gotten discouraged when someone doesn't reciprocate our feelings, and wondered if we're being too picky when we don't reciprocate theirs. Maybe we are too picky, maybe we aren't, but if you're going to be picky about anything in this life, I think choosing a romantic partner is a good candidate.

You can't force yourself to love someone, and even if you could, why would you? Is it really so important to have someone in your life that you would settle for less? I hope not. People do it, sure, but relationships without a spark don't usually last. I'd rather be single than stuck with someone I didn't love with all my heart and soul, wouldn't you?

No, you just have to be patient like the rest of us, and you have to keep putting yourself out there, feeling what you feel and falling for guys you want to fall for, even at the risk of more rejection. That's just how love is: nothing ventured, nothing gained. Hold yourself back, protect yourself, and you will never find the love you seek, ever. You just have to keep at it, stay positive and believe it will happen someday. That's the only way it will.

First, I recommend listening to this Bonnie Raitt tune on repeat. Get a good cry out. Then get yourself out there. But also ask yourself what it is about the guys who fall for you that you're not into? Are you judging their books by their covers? Are you not giving them a chance simply because they'd dare give you a chance? Once you make sure you've got your romantic priorities straight, keep searching for that person who makes you really, really happy. That's worth waiting for. 

Several million at the box office.

The first is an emotional descriptor, the second is a tautology. The first exists, the second is an invention of hack writers. I could go on all day.

The whole idea of true love is predicated on the idea that there is a single perfect person for you out there. Total rubbish, of course, and harmful rubbish at that. The number of people who buy into that idea and keep on looking for "the one" instead of "the one right under their nose" is ridiculous.

Anyone can fall in love. Staying in love requires thought, attention, honesty, humor and some mutual self-sacrifice. Think The Gift of the Magi. OK, maybe true love does exist after all. Just, it ain't like in the movies.

The difference is about 10 years of wisdom and maturity. Anytime you're "in love" with someone and they're "in love" with you back? That's true love in my book. 

You're saying a whole lot in the way you worded your question. For one, you are implying that loud, flirtatious women aren't as intelligent as you quiet women. You're basically saying that they're all flash and no substance.

But you ALSO - either through Freudian slip or projection - answered your own question. Everybody is drawn to positive people Nobody wants to be around negative people and their wacksauce energy. They're a drain on your mood. I hate it when I'm out and some negative Nelly types are out killing the atmosphere. Where dey do dat at? And why?

If my choice is a positive, loud flirtatious woman or a quiet, negative energy, intelligent woman, I'm taking positivity 10 times out of 10. They sell books everywhere. Further, it's the same reason women are drawn to more interesting and exciting men. If you're just sitting in the corner being all shy with your book, the only way I'm going to approach you is if you are just THAT hot where I'd hate myself for not doing so. And how often does that happen? Men, just like women, like interesting people who are conversationalists...especially when out on the dating scene.

So if I'm reading the question (and questioner) right, my guess is that pseudo judgmental nature you have stands out while your silent self is sneering at the women having fun...and meeting guys.

I don't know, Panama. I think you're being a little hard on this girl. Quiet doesn't necessarily equal negative energy. My question for her is: Where are you trying to meet guys? At a noisy bar? By silently wishing on a beer bottle? You're never gonna win that game, my friend. I'd say strong silent types are better off hunting for love online, where you can start off communicating through the safe distance of a computer monitor. If all else fails, start stalking the library.

Since I'm paid to give people advice on the Internet, I take some time out of my day on a regular basis to wander around and read relationship advice elsewhere in this great digital infodump of ours.  And I find some truly great, informative information. I also find some really, really bad ideas, often from websites that look like they're from 1996:

I'm not a guy from the "crying is blackmail" school of thought when it comes to relationships: if your feelings are hurt, your feelings are hurt.  The problem is, and we've all met them, there are people who open the waterworks whenever something isn't going their way or there's a conversation they don't want to have.  Because that solves everything, not having a difficult conversation!

To me, I find this idea problematic because honestly, not talking about a problem doesn't make it go away.  If it did, we'd have nothing but fluffy bunnies and surfing squirrels on the news.  I've known a few criers in my time, and honestly, their relationships have ultimately not ended well because, well, you can't talk to them about anything difficult, and in any relationship, difficult questions are going to come up.

"That's fine.  Whatever."  Three words any adult dreads hearing from whoever they're dating.

Being passive aggressive has two major drawbacks.  First of all, when you're not saying what you want and how you feel to who you're with, odds are pretty good they'll miss the hidden "NOT!" at the end of every sentence.  "Oh, sure, you can go drink beer with your friends if that's what you want to do."  "Great, thanks, see you later!"  "No, wait, I meant-!"

Secondly, it's just begging to start a fight over something stupid.  I've seen this far, far too often; one person says something passive aggressive, and the second person chooses to either be passive aggressive right back or blows up at the other person for being passive aggressive.  It's a fun argument to be trapped by when your roommate and her boyfriend are having it in front of the bathroom.

I have literally come across websites that state "never let your boyfriend out of your sight."  How?  He's got to pee sometime.

In all seriousness, clinging is a bad idea and not just because it will annoy whoever you're with into dumping you.  It's a bad idea because it's emotionally exhausting. I've never gotten men or women who have to be in constant contact with their squeeze.  Sure, checking in on Facebook once or twice a day, maybe a phone call, but constantly?  How do you have time for anything else?  Don't you have a job?  Friends?  The interest in seeing a movie once in a while? And, of course, it can also turn into paranoia: "why hasn't he/she called me back?" In short, it's too exhausting to be worth it.  Although I suppose some people have limitless energy in this regard.

I don't know. Sobbing into my boyfriend's shirt while hanging on to him for dear life and telling him, "I'm fine. Really. It's no big deal," always works for me. And I'm totally almost married! If you consider a blind date next week almost married. Seriously, these are great reminders of what NOT to do in a relationship. Life is so much easier when we click down our emotions a notch and communicate clearly and honestly. Here's another tip - next time you're on the verge of a breakdown in your relationship, imagine your partner doing what you feel like doing (sobbing, clinging, aggressively passing him, etc.). Now think about how attractive that neediness would be from the other side of the room. Not so hot any more, right? 

Why do men cheat on Halle Berry? Why do men cheat when they can get laid right at home? Cheating and sex are not synonyms. If it were, then having sex with the most beautiful women in the world or having sex 5 times a day would suffice. (I don't want to pass over the 3-4 times a day thing you mention, I'll get back to it).

People derive a lot of things from sex, and sometimes it's important to make sure it's not being used recklessly. In other words, sometimes sex can be used as some sort of catch all remedy -- curing them (momentarily) of deep discomfort.

Sometimes, like in the case of rampant cheaters or sex addicts, their sex life amounts to a bucket with holes. They carry it around desperately trying to fill it with things that can pacify their inner turmoil. But, there is no amount of new sex or frequency of sex that can make some people feel at peace, loved, accepted, safe, attractive, desired, complete, etc. Not without working on those issues directly and in ways that doesn't involve their butts or boobs.

 

Now back to 3-4 times a day. I know people have all sorts of libido ranges, but I find it hard to believe that you and your man can sustain day after day sex, 3-4 times a day. When does your vagina nap? When does his wang take a shower? I'm thinking that that sort of sex schedule already speaks to issues that need exploration. The cheating is just another bucket. A bucket filled with holes.  

You can't stop anyone from cheating. No matter how much sex you give them. You can only stop them from cheating on you. By breaking up with them. And giving all the sex you want to someone far more deserving.

Chic Geek says:

No, not at all. Geez. Apparently money buys you crummy friends. Who are these friends who are telling you to expect your fiancée to cheat on you? They don't sound like they are a pal or a confidant, or that they would travel down the road and back again for you. If you, say, threw a party and invited everyone you knew, the biggest gift would not be from them. In short, you shouldn't, as the Golden Girls theme told us, thank them for being a friend. 

But, seriously, do your friends assume that you are some money-grubbing golddigger? If you love each other, that should be good enough for them. And, no, money has nothing to do with whether or not the guy is going cheat. A guy cheats because he is unhappy in his relationship, and too chicken to do something about it. Or he cheats because he's selfish, or a sociopath who doesn't care how his actions affect others. Dirt-broke dudes will cheat just as much, or as little, as a guy who is swimming in gold coins like Uncle Scrooge on Ducktales. Plenty of well-off men are good, faithful guys and plenty are dirtbags. But how fat his checking account is never factors in. 

And don't think for a second that rich men have more opportunity to cheat than regular guys. If a guy wants to cheat, he'll make it happen, whether he's running a Fortune 500 Company or working as the night manager at Arby's. Haven't you ever watched Maury Povich? All of the couples who cheat on each other on those shows are dirt poor. It all comes down to the type of guy he is-- not what's in his wallet. The sort of rich guy that cheats would still cheat if he didn't have fancy cars and a company jet to impress the ladies with. (I'm assuming your fiancee is Richard Branson or Bruce Wayne.) 

Sounds to me like it's your friends who have the problem. They are jealous; or have been hurt too many times and have become bitter. They assume that any man with money will have skanks throwing themselves at them and won't be able to resist. Or that he'll use his wealth to keep a second apartment for his mistress or hire high class escorts and dine on endangered condor eggs and...uh, I'm not really sure how rich people actually live. They have robot butlers, right? Your friends have heard of rich guys cheating, and assume that their wealth is a factor. "Of course he cheated. He's rich" instead of "he cheated because he's a bad person." Don't listen to them. Surround yourself with supportive people who won't put these kinds of ideas in your head. Don't let their jealousy tear your relationship apart. If you love him, and believe he is faithful, then that is all that matters. You can't go into a marriage assuming the guy is going to cheat on you because he's loaded and has a big, uh, 401K.

Gal Pal says:

File this under Things I Never Considered That Now May Haunt My Dreams. Actually, I think this is total bunk. Some men cheat, some men don't. The bigger concern is if you're interpreting your friends' concerns correctly. Are they saying he's definitely going to cheat on you because he's given them a reason to think that way? Are you the one adding the wealthy bit as way of explanation? I just can't imagine your friends are all bizarrely agreed on this rich-man-cheating thing - sounds like they're more concerned about your guy in particular.

In more pressing news, where do I get Richard Branson's phone number?

That's it for this week. Thanks for playing, guys and girls!