I love The Frisky. They have some of the most interesting articles. One particular article caught my attention (along with the shoutout to former Reformed Player and Guyspeaker, John DeVore), about emotional tampons. The hilarity of the statement alone made read. Oh, what is an emotional tampon, you ask?
Well according to this article, "10 Signs You May Be An Emotional Tampon" on the The Frisky (with further definition from the Urban Dictionary), An "emotional tampon" is a man who will always be there to provide a woman with the proverbial shoulder to cry on and be available for her anytime of the day or night to vent her emotional frustration, problems, and mental instabilities.
Oh, he's basically a "d*ck in a glass case" for women who need some attention. Or put another way, a guy in the friend zone who is caught up in a woman who doesn't want him...ya know, until she does. This is the cruz of platonic relationships. Women who aren't interested in men who are always there for them because they want them.
I can't lie, I've always wondered what a plausible term for these fellas was. I mean, a dude in the friend zone doesn't really pop enough. Nor does a punk arse dude. Both of those sell the guy short. Well, lo and behold there is a term. Now, ladies, can we talk for a moment?
Thank you.
You are dead wrong if you have a guy that you use as your emotional tampon. You know that sad sap wants you and yet you allow him to shower you with the affections you need and want all without giving him anything in return, except you know, access to you...when you want him to have access to you.
Interestingly enough, women who do this are the first ones to become jealous when her ET (shorthand) gets himself a girlfriend and is no longer available. THAT'S when women like that come around. In fact, I'd encourage any guy who is being used in such a capacity to just ignore the chick who uses him as such for like a week or two. She'll either ramp up the contact or she'll fall off the face of the earth. It's either/or with no inbetween. Women like that hate to lose out on affections.
Here's a story. I'm sure I was an ET for a chick a long time ago. And I knew it. I let it happen until one day I just got tired of asking her why she wasn't interested in me and her giving me some BS answer. So I stopped taking her calls and calling her. I moved on. Then she came around. We dated for a year and a half before I realized I only liked who I thought she was. Who she actually was sucked. (Fret not, I'm sure she'd say the same of me.)
1. You receive most of your phone calls from your girlfriend post 2 a.m. when she is wasted and needs a ride home or has an emergency.
4. You hear phrases like "you are such a good listener" or "I can tell you anything" and think it signifies romantic interest.
9. Your girlfriend gives you a list of "chores" and "errands" like cleaning the cat litter or buying her feminine hygiene products.
Of the list of ten, those three are the most poignant to me. Basically, the women are treating some guys like a boyfriend without having to commit to him while blowing some other guys back out. I guess I can't blame women, if you can get some random guy that you do care about to do things for you that the guy you actually like won't do (since he doesn't want anything more than the poon), then hey, I guess it's no harm no foul.
But fellas, any of you out there, I behoove you to take back the reigns. Don't be a tampon, be a beacon. What does that mean? I don't know. But it sounds better than being a tampon.
So I ask you, ladies, do you have an emotional tampon? Is he just a placeholder until you get a boyfriend? Has your emotional tampon ever made the leap to boyfriend?
Hell no I don't have an emotional tampon. Guys don't care about girls' problems and all the studies have shown that guys go bye-bye when girls start crying. (I've seen it in real life too.) I never tell my guy friends stuff cuz as I said, guys don't care! All you girls who tell guys stuff--you're driving them away. Guys just want sex and hangout time--nothing more.
That's what you have moms/sisters/bffs(Female) for. I kinow all girls want to tell their guy friends/boyfriends their problem (I do) but it will make you sound needy and it will drive them away
No haters.
haha bitter much?
What a derogatory term for a confidant who happens to be a guy which strikes at the heart of his masculinity. Meaning it goes against nature men can be just friends with women. Like the goal for all men is to score and not impotently hang around a woman for any other reason... Depending on the individuals involved, men can be manly and strong and still be friends with the opposite sex. But not if they subscribe to the belief they were put on earth to do every woman they know... Any real friendship is a more balanced give and take. It's not a friendship if you do all the giving or all the taking.
It's all about his true intentions with the woman. If he has no desire to be anymore than her confidant, cool. But if he wants more, she's not willing to give more, but she still wants his ear, then her treatment of him is as derogatory as the term.
So, women are required to compensate friendship with sexual favours?
If she likes you as a friend but isn't attracted to you physically, there's no crime in that- she doesn't have to be. It isn't mandatory that she return your affections. She's being honest in what she's offering- friendship. If you never made your terms clear ("I will listen to you talk if you fuck me"), then you can't be surprised. No one is forcing you to stay in the friendship.
God, it just pisses me off when a guy has a crush on a girl, does nothing about it, and then calls her a bitch for not liking him back.
What's with all the lady-blame? I'm sorry, but are men not willing agents in their own lives? It takes two to tango, and if a guy isn't happy in a relationship, friendly or romantic, well, he has a voice for a reason. No one's forcing these guys to listen. The fact that you're attracted to a girl does not obligate her to be attracted to you in return. Do these guys even bother trying to ask the girl out in the first place? Or do they just offer up platonic friendship hoping that the woman will read their minds and instantly fall in love with them for no reason?
Personally, I wouldn't call someone who fakes caring about you and being your friend just to get into your pants an "emotional tampon".
I'd call him a jerk.
I believe a girl's "emotional tampon" is the same as a guy's "f*ck buddy". Women are emotional creatures so we gravitate towards people who can provide that level of support. It isn't linked to romance directly, but it tides us over for the time being til we need another dose of words of affection.
I agree with you. Am remembering back a guy who used to take breaks with me at work who would call me nightly every day just to talk. A couple of years of this he tells me he is in love with me. I only thought of him as a friend. After that he continually calls to tell me I had to have known all along. Friendship over - the irony being I WAS his friend but he was not one to me. He seemed to have forgotten all the discussions where I told him to get out more and meet girls because calling me - his friend - every night was unhealthy. I was out all the time in those days and wanted him to not depend on me so much... So how does one avoid using a guy like an ET? First you have to KNOW he likes you. Then you can tell him you don't like him that way...
It's wrong for anyone to treat any friend shabbily but according to this article it is worse if a girl treats a guy like any girlfriend (translated into boyfriend without sex).
Oops. Meant to reply to Nomi one above!
Amaria is 100% right. Men lead women on with crap like "friends with benefits". Women lead men on by turning them into emotional tampons. In both cases the people being led on get a taste of what they want without getting the real deal. Sadly it's human nature to want without giving sometimes and that's the end result. What it boils down to is this - if you're not getting as much out of a relationship as you're putting in, then bail. Get out while the getting is good. If the other person feels hurt by it, then tough. If they really cared about you then they'd understand that your "relationship" was causing you pain and they'd want you to move on and not be miserable. If they don't care and want you to stay in a relationship that hurts you for their benefit then screw them, they deserve to be hurt by it.
I can tell you from personal experience that I was an emotional tampon once. There was a girl I fell for - hard. We dated for a while (and fooled around a bit) but never became 100% exclusive. Then out of the blue she had a serious boyfriend. I felt hurt and betrayed, but I was reminded that we weren't exclusive. Then that boyfriend became her fiance, then that fiance became her husband... guess who she kept around the entire time to confide in? That's right, this sucker. There was no doubt that my interests in here were strictly NON-platonic, but hey.
I kinda distanced myself just because it was the decent thing to do. But after that marriage failed, she tried to pick up things as if nothing had ever happened... and I was dumb enough to fall for it. Eventually she tried to patch things up with her ex, and guess who was suddenly just a "buddy" or friend again? That's when I realized just how used I felt. That's when I realized that to her I was there as a quick fix when she was lonely or bored or felt neglected. I was good enough to take her on dates and good enough to be a confidante and heck, even good enough to occasionally fool around with, but not good enough to be exclusive with... at least that's how I felt and it hurt. I figured it out though and eventually flat out told her "look, I can't be around you anymore. You know how I feel about you and sometimes I think you feel the same way and othertimes it's clear you don't. It's just too painful for me to be around you. Sorry, bye". She's tried calling a few times since then and e-mailed, but I've cut off all contact.
I just want to say thank you for finally putting to terms what I feel is a constant reality in my life. I mean don't get me wrong, I love helping people with their problems and it's very rewarding in of itself, but it is a double-edged sword. On one hand you get to build a reputation for yourself as someone that is reliable, caring, and honest while getting to appreciate the fruits of a good and stable friendship. On the other hand, if you appear to everyone as such a person, it creates a stigma and you become that reliable friend that no one wants to date because they are afraid of losing you if they do.
Regardless, everyone perceives the issue differently, I am only speaking from how I am perceived by others in this way and I can empathize with you on this issue.
Cant a girl have the emotional support AND sex??? I mean, is it possible??? (I'd like to think it is...)
I'm not responsible for guys' emotions and how they feel about me. I'm not going to waste my time protecting him from the harsh reality that I don't feel the same way. If he wants to be in my life, it will be on my terms. If those terms aren't good for him, no skin off my back. What's more important, my happiness or others' happiness? I'll do what I do and encourage the world to do the same. It's self-centeredness at its core, but I'm not ashamed. Who am I to tell a guy not to care about me as much as he does? I am completely devoted to some guy friends that couldn't care less about me, but I'm not complaining. It is what it is.
Let us know what you name your vibrator.
Wow. That's incredibly selfish. I'm glad you don't give about anyone else's emotions cause as long as yours are taken care of, that's all that matters. The world will go on as is.
You need a serious reality check.
Well why are you going to waste your time on someone you don't care about? Give him false hope? They have the freedom to come and go as they please. Friendships/relationships should not be transactions; just because a guy is willing to fulfill the role as an ET doesn't mean he inherently deserves anything from me in return. I used to put others before myself all the time and I got tired of sacrificing my own happiness for theirs. I care about people, but I'm not going to feel obligated to care just because of their behavior towards me. That's all I meant.
You're absolutely right, you are technically under no obligation whatsoever to the guy. I would imagine that you'd consider him a friend at the very least though and if that's the case then you should at least have his interests at heart on some level. Anyway Just don't be surprised if your emotional tampon wakes up one day, realizes he's feeling used and cuts off all contact with you.
I now feel really sad and guilty about telling guys about my life....:(
BFF, why did you write this blog?
Is it ever ok to tell a guy about your problems or do you expect us to hold it all in around all males?
Will someone please explain to me what to do if this is true?
This:
http://xkcd.com/513/
Sadly, I've had an ET before, and in the end it doesn't help either of you. And if you truly examine the situation, it's about ego and control. I'm not saying people went out to become evil men puppet masters, but speaking for myself I was being thoughtless toward someone's feelings. While, yes, the ET is responsible for coming when called but that doesn't make the caller blameless. We all need to take responsibilities for our decisions. And I'm pretty sure the only time we could get away with "well they did it!" is when we were four years old.
I've just ended what I considered to be a great friendship because of this issue. Apparently I was the only one on the block who didn't know he was romantically interested in me. Being incredibly selfish, I continued to be friends with him after finding out. Once he all-out confessed his feelings, I told him I didn't feel the same and perhaps we should step back from the friendship. He said it was okay to stay good friends, but I've certainly distanced myself. I definitely miss him (but only as a friend).
It's horrible to admit, but it's comforting to have that guy who will always be there.
I was using a guy as an ET. He then proceeded to seduce me and now we've been dating for three months. :)
Guess I'm not heartless enough to have a true ET.
I guess I am luckier than most... my relationship is far from perfect in some areas but my fiancee is my best friend and has been since day one of our meeting. It was almost instantaneous, how quickly we were able to talk about anything! If he started out listening simply because he wanted in my pants then it was worth it
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