As a self-professed geek, I have spent a great deal of time amongst my brethren. And while there are many geeks out there who can hold a conversation without dropping references to Doctor Who, there are still a multitude of annoying types who ruin it for the rest of us.
We geeks have made great strides in social acceptance, knocking down society's barriers with our lightsabers and asthma inhalers. But these social lepers give geeks everywhere a bad name, and set our kind all the way back to the original Star Trek days. Here's a guide on which types to avoid.
1. The Urkel
Named for Family Matters' resident annoyance/jetpack aficionado, the Urkel will drive you crazy with his single-minded obsessiveness. While Urkel only had eyes for his beloved Laura, the Urkels of the real world might be fixated on, say, G4 TV's resident nerd crush Olivia Munn. Urkels go out of their way to drop Monty Python quotes into everyday conversation, and insist that you read their creepy fan fiction about the love lives of minor Battlestar Galactica characters. And, unlike the real Urkel, they don't have an awesome dance named after them.
2. The Comic Book Guy
Comic books are currently enjoying a high level of hipster cache thanks to stellar movies like The Dark Knight, and famous fans like Kevin Smith or Patton Oswalt routinely plugging their favorite titles. (Comics are so trendy these days, even Megan Fox pretends to be a fan.) But while it's a great time to check out that hot new graphic novel, there are still plenty of insane comic book geeks who will chew your ear off about who would win in a fight between The Hulk and Superman. (For the record, it's Superman. Hulk would eventually grow tired and revert back to his weakened Bruce Banner state, at which point Superman would hurl him into the sun. Best. Fight. Ever.)
3. The Angry IT Guy
Remember that Saturday Night Live sketch where Jimmy Fallon played "Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy"? Well, it nailed that type of geek, right down to the terrible mustache and stringy hair. You'll find the Angry IT Guy at computer tech support locations (ahem, Geek Squad) or at that haven of social rejects, RadioShack. They'll commandeer your computer, douche-ily swig their Mountain Dew Code Red, and sigh heavily when you tell them you don't know how to get your PC into safe mode.
4. The Dwight
We all have a Dwight in our office. Know-it-all good-goodies who narc on you for playing Mafia Wars on Facebook and post passive-aggressive notes all over the break room. They are always the "first" person to leave a comment on a website, and are often found on Xbox Live "pwning" some 16-year-old kid from Australia in Call of Duty 4.
5. The High Fidelity Audiophile
You know the type. They own every Pavement album on vinyl. They look down on you for liking the new Lady Gaga song. They won't listen to an album unless it has an "8" or above on Pitchfork. And they usually look like Jack Black in High Fidelity, albeit with more creative facial hair.
Stay tuned, and I'll fill you in on the five best types of geeks.
We geeks have made great strides in social acceptance, knocking down society's barriers with our lightsabers and asthma inhalers. But these social lepers give geeks everywhere a bad name, and set our kind all the way back to the original Star Trek days. Here's a guide on which types to avoid.
1. The Urkel
Named for Family Matters' resident annoyance/jetpack aficionado, the Urkel will drive you crazy with his single-minded obsessiveness. While Urkel only had eyes for his beloved Laura, the Urkels of the real world might be fixated on, say, G4 TV's resident nerd crush Olivia Munn. Urkels go out of their way to drop Monty Python quotes into everyday conversation, and insist that you read their creepy fan fiction about the love lives of minor Battlestar Galactica characters. And, unlike the real Urkel, they don't have an awesome dance named after them.
2. The Comic Book Guy
Comic books are currently enjoying a high level of hipster cache thanks to stellar movies like The Dark Knight, and famous fans like Kevin Smith or Patton Oswalt routinely plugging their favorite titles. (Comics are so trendy these days, even Megan Fox pretends to be a fan.) But while it's a great time to check out that hot new graphic novel, there are still plenty of insane comic book geeks who will chew your ear off about who would win in a fight between The Hulk and Superman. (For the record, it's Superman. Hulk would eventually grow tired and revert back to his weakened Bruce Banner state, at which point Superman would hurl him into the sun. Best. Fight. Ever.)
3. The Angry IT Guy
Remember that Saturday Night Live sketch where Jimmy Fallon played "Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy"? Well, it nailed that type of geek, right down to the terrible mustache and stringy hair. You'll find the Angry IT Guy at computer tech support locations (ahem, Geek Squad) or at that haven of social rejects, RadioShack. They'll commandeer your computer, douche-ily swig their Mountain Dew Code Red, and sigh heavily when you tell them you don't know how to get your PC into safe mode.
4. The Dwight
We all have a Dwight in our office. Know-it-all good-goodies who narc on you for playing Mafia Wars on Facebook and post passive-aggressive notes all over the break room. They are always the "first" person to leave a comment on a website, and are often found on Xbox Live "pwning" some 16-year-old kid from Australia in Call of Duty 4.
5. The High Fidelity Audiophile
You know the type. They own every Pavement album on vinyl. They look down on you for liking the new Lady Gaga song. They won't listen to an album unless it has an "8" or above on Pitchfork. And they usually look like Jack Black in High Fidelity, albeit with more creative facial hair.
Stay tuned, and I'll fill you in on the five best types of geeks.
Oh god. It seems I ONLY date these men, though I have never dated a Dwight. Hmm...
Ha! Maybe "Dwight" is actually your soulmate. If nothing else, you'll always have plenty of beets.
But the important question is: which of these men would win in a fight? Weapons are medieval battle-maces, Urkel MAY (but is not required to) turn into Stephan Ur-kel at any point, and the comic book guy, though physically disadvantaged, is a cartoon and therefore largely immortal.
though i'm sure i've gone thru every step of geekdom here (i had a particularly bad run as the High Fidelity guy), i'm glad to have recovered and detoxed from it.
though i did actually meet the real life Laura once and professed my love for her, and in turn came to the epiphany (with her in front of me) that perhaps i was the real life urkel.
she thought i was cute. never did those digits though.
whatever. comic book guys are sexy!
What about coder geek that has difficulty with any conversation that does not have the word neutrino, terradrive and always must "stay on topic." They have an inability to participate in flowing conversation and are, for the most part, asexual
I feel it incumbent upon me to point out there are TWO KINDS of audiophiles. There are sweet, nerdy, awesome men who happen to have a singular passion for discussing records, and then there are the arrogant, elitist, holier-than-though snobs who, lacking any natural proficiency of their own, become insufferably versed in indie rock and use their obscure knowledge to make those around them feel like ignorant philistines. Ignore that second type like the plague, but anyone who's ever locked eyes with their guy while watching a great band play knows that type one is kind of the holy grail :)
*avoid, not ignore
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