Love is not enough. What's enough? Love, acceptance and belief that your partnership is not diminished but empowered through individual differences. The basis of a good relationship isn't college transcripts and where you pray or even if you pray. How could it be?

Having said that, it is true that common backgrounds and families whose life experience is similar can be a helpful ingredients to long term relationships. But not always and not at the cost of other things. Things like deep respect, appreciation, and attraction for one another. Things like commonality of interests and values when it comes to how we treat people or perceive our limited time on this earth.

So, he graduated from Harvard Business School. Awesome. Perhaps he will be the breadwinner or businessperson of the family. So you went to a "regular" college. Is he smarter than you? Not on all counts. Impossible. Relationships need all types of smarts to get by and thrive. For example, I write better than my wife, and can parallel park, but she understands banking basics and how to negotiate life as if one's not being chased by a lion. Our differences are value adds, not reasons to worry.

Your religion or education are part of what identifies you, but don't be so quick to assume it's your single identifier - or even worse something that serves to restrict you. Remember religion at its core teaches tolerance. If it doesn't, then its nothing but bad education.

I went to a "regular" college and have dated several Ivy League grads...as well as several men whose middle school credentials I question. The point is, our alma maters rarely came up in conversation or in our lives. Has this been a point of contention between you? If not, please don't make it one! Do you challenge each other? Respect each other? Believe in each other? Those are the transcripts that really count.  

Uh, no. That seems weird. At the very least, he has a strong attachment to her that he doesn't want to share with you. Even if he just wants to rekindle a close friendship, it's strange that he wouldn't tell you about her. 

This same reader also wrote: "What does it mean when your husband tells a woman that is only a friend and he hasn't talked to in over thirteen years more about his job than his family?" Sounds like he's trying to impress her. Did he not mention his family at all? Or just not as much as his job? Could be that he's insecure and bragging. Thirteen years is a long time. Maybe he feels the need to show her, and others from high school, what he has accomplished since gradation. Was it that he didn't talk about his family at all, or just not enough for your liking? 

Ordinarily, I would tell you not to worry about something like this and chalk it up to male ego. But these two questions back-to-back seem suspicious. At the very least, he's trying to act like a single guy in front of this old flame. And the "love" in the email is strange for someone he hasn't seen since the late '90s. That says he still has strong feelings for her, even if it's just as a friend. So why is he keeping her a secret? 

Finally, how did you discover this? Did you read his Facebook messages? Stop doing that. Go talk to him. Ask him about her. If she is such a good friend, he'll gladly discuss. If he gets cagey, then he's trying to hide her from you for some reason.

Sounds like this girl has some 'splainin' to do. Snooping through your husband's Facebook messages rather than communicating directly with him is never a good plan. I certainly agree that this wife has reason for concern. "Love" is a loaded word when sent to an old flame. But the best medicine in this situation is a clear and calm conversation about his private high school reunion.

This is where I remind you of Einstein's definition of insanity, which is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. The dude showed exactly you who he is the first time around when he "played" you then disappeared, which--let me guess--happened right about the time you started pushing for more than a casual relationship, right? Then he magically reappears two years later and you pick right back up with him? Why? Did you think he had changed?

Clearly the dude hasn't changed at all--he's still all about the head games. He gets you to like him, then he splits. He reappears two years later and wants you back in his life, but only on his terms and at arm's length (my guess: he's married or living with someone). He talks to you every day for hours, but he can't see you in person. Games. Childishness. Fuckery.

I'm sorry you took him back. I wish you had hung up on him when he called you back two years after he split like a coward without the basic courtesy of a goodbye. But you didn't and here you are again, in the middle of another ridiculous game. I'm sorry you've fallen for him, because I know that it's not going to work out like you want it to work out. You know it, too, deep down.

Do yourself a favor and cut ties with this guy immediately. Yes, it's hard, but the longer it continues, the harder it will be. You are wasting your time on this chump. He doesn't care about you--he might say he does, but his actions prove otherwise. You deserve better.

He won't tell you where he is??? How can you fall with someone who won't tell you what city he's in? This red flag is flying large and wild, lady. Heed it! You must cut him out of your life - completely, immediately, irrevocably. Don't call him back. Don't answer his texts. He will barrage with messages when he realizes he's lost you - this may momentarily convince you that he secretly loves you. He does not. He secretly loves screwing with you. Don't let him.

In all honesty, you could do better for yourself. Ivy league pansies tend to be right self centered and self satisfied, even the rare ones who learned something useful.

You did psychology. You know damned well we are all the same.

Stop wasting your life with foolish worries and go for it.

Please compare and contrast answers from MM and WA on basically the same question. Love it! But what I want to know is who is this Ivy League Casanova seducing our readers?

Well the first thing to recognize is that though it might be immature, it's also very common. Some people address things head on and have to talk about them, others need to just go silent. Of course, that's okay as long as you let the other person know that you need some time to process things but will revisit the situation shortly.

In terms of opening up, all you can do is just attempt to open up. It won't be easy. But you already know the problem. You know that what's going to happen is that you're going to go mute. That's the most important part because you recognize the problem. If you recognize it, you can fix it.

So next time you and somebody get into an argument and you feel that urge to go mute, resist it and try to speak up and let them know what's bothering you and why you're upset. The only way to move past that one is to speak up. The more you start doing that the more it becomes a habit and slowly you'll break yourself out of that urge.

I'm glad you realize this is an immature and unproductive tactic. Because it's infuriating behavior! I'm glad you're trying to work on it. Perhaps you could start by writing down your feelings? Or, in the moment, calmly repeat back the last sentence your "target" said to you. That tactic has three benefits: 1) It makes everyone slow down and hopefully cool off. 2) It shows the other person you're listening to them. 3) It buys you a moment to gather your thoughts into a mature and constructive response. Congrats on taking the initiative to grow as a person and friend!

It doesn't matter.

Exes are exes for a reason. If you broke up, getting back together is not going to magically solve the problems that ended your relationship. My advice? Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

"Exes are exes for a reason." Let's all get that tattooed on our midriffs. 

That's it for this week. Thanks for playing, guys and girls!