Many of you have written lately to ask how you can know when your guy isn't completely over his ex. I'm not sure why the question is so popular suddenly--maybe it always has been and I didn't notice--but it's a valid one. There's nothing worse than being with someone who seems like they would rather be with someone else.
How can you know for sure? The simple answer is, you can't. You're not in his head or his heart. But there are signs that certainly suggest he's still pining for his former love. Our friends over at Glamour did their own list on this same topic last month, so I've incorporated some of their answers into my own.
Some signs that your guy might not be over his ex:
They still see each other frequently
If you've read many of my answers about breaking up, you know that I recommend clean breaks. How can a guy get over his ex when they're still having lunch every week?
He's pissed when she starts dating someone new
Why? Is he jealous? And if he still cares about her--which is okay; you don't want him to hate her--he should be happy that she's moving on.
He mentions her too much
How much is too much? Your gut will tell you. Every now and then? Annoying, but acceptable. Daily? Unacceptable.
He's still her knight in shining armor
Every time she has a crisis, he's her go-to guy. This one's tricky, because you don't want to be heartless and tell him he can't help her out in her time of need. But if her time of need is every week and he's always there for her, that's a problem. She needs a new lifeline, and could be creating drama just to keep him attached to her.
He still has her photos all over his house
Yes, they dated a long time and she means a lot to him. Now he's dating you, and the pictures need to come down. It doesn't mean he's erasing their history; it means he is being considerate of your feelings and acknowledging the fact that you are the new woman in his life.
They text constantly.
Simply not acceptable, especially when he's with you. His full attention should be on you.
For more signs that he's not over his ex, see Glamour's full list here.
I have another one for you: how can you tell a guy is into his BFF? Because I three signs listed here apply to my bf and his girl BFF:
- they see each other a lot
- they text constantly
- he ALWAYS brings her up
(also, I haven't met her and I'm not sure she knows I exist).
does this list apply to sociopaths too Cary? lol this is my ex to a tee, minus the knight in shining armor bit.lol i dont know about the photos either, although i do pray frequently that a certain briefcase hit the dumpster with his new marriage, though i'm not exactly holding my breath on that one either. he's banned from texting me and limited to only one email a week for access issues, both bans which he frequently abuses and ignores. my friends are convinced he still carries a psychopathic torch for me, tho the very thought makes me taste vomit in my mouth, but these are definitely some good signs. i always say, thanks for the attention, flattered but maybe your new wife would prefer some of that time?
i would say the frequency is upping on these questions based on the May-September romance theories that bounce around and that the ex count increases before the pressure heavy holiday season. either that or someone new dating Kris Humphries keeps bugging you guys. ;-)
One of my ex's did this all the time with every one he dated after me - He calls out her name while in bed with you! How do i know? They all tracked me down to tell me!