Boyfriend. (n) Male species, extremely rare in North America.
In this era of super casual dating and friends-with-benefits, does such a creature exist? I've been hunting dating a guy for several months now and I'm still not sure how to classify him.
Sometimes we spend years desperately searching for the elusive BF. Sometimes we discover he's been lurking in our habitat all along. (Male + friend + Coronas - inhibitions + late-night "shoulder rub" = boyfriend.)
So how can if you've officially snagged yourself a boyfriend? Is there a standard waiting period before you're pre-approved for BF/GF status? When should you approach the delicate BF question? (Dinner? Crowded party? "Do you like me? Check yes or no," text?)
I firmly believe the best way to tell if a guy qualifies for boyfriend status is through his actions toward you - not the official title you bestow upon him. But that's easier said than explained to nosy Aunt Rita.
In the comments, tell us how you handle the great boyfriend dilemma. How long do you date before making things official? Do you ask him? Do you wait for him to ask you? Does any of this matter outside the wilderness of 7th grade?
Simple- He's a bf when you both agree to it!
yep, its got to be a label that both people communicate to want. If he doesn't ask or call you his girl friend.... well, then he's just having sex with you...
That's hilarious, Rach. And true.
When he introduces you to his friends and family as "This is my girlfriend... " (thats big) .. When his status says in a relationship (preferably with you) .When he goes above and beyond for you :) usually thats a pretty good sign that he thinks of himself as your boyfriend. But yeah most guys I know verbalize it.
I let him say it first. Usually the poor sap just blurts it out in normal conversation while I'm standing there shell-shocked! But I guess that's better than having the guy drop you because "the whole GF thing was too much, too soon for me." This way I can always rebut: "You said it first, pal."
To some pansies, even asking them makes them think that you want a ring on it or something. As if.
Being direct with your wants is usually good. If you and the guy aren't on the same page, things can get messy and sad. I used directness, and my boyfriend and I are more in love than I thought could ever be :).
He's your boyfriend if he treats you crappy at some point AND expects you to stick around. He may or may not apologize. He may not even be aware he did anything wrong. It might surprise him you got mad, but he honestly wasn't trying to get rid of you. Then you start crying (real or fake, we can't tell). If he feels bad, he MIGHT be your boyfriend. Try asking him you freakin' mute.
I am currently in this dilemma. A guy has been a somewhat distant part of my expanded group of friends for several years. A few months ago he, 2 other guys and I went to an art show. I "talked" to his friend for a few weeks after acknowledging that he and I were just friends. As time went on my friend kept asking for my time, i.e.: asking me over for dinner, making plans for the weekend, texting asking if I was having a good day, etc... Finally I gave in and much to my surprise, I have grown to have feelings for him. My girlfriends opened my eyes, telling me I was an idiot and to go for my "friend". I gave in, eventually. Currently he contacts me daily. We have dinner, go to concerts, do laundry, and talk on a daily basis. He is recently coming out of a relationship and says he can't "be in a relationship". Which, I, by the way am not asking for immediate gratification. However, at the same time, if we're spending all of our time together....what does that say about us? We have both tried to distance ourselves from each other, twice, but seemingly can't and our "relationship"...whatever it may be, has continued. Feedback??
I would agree with Vee. When he starts introducing you to his friends/family/coworkers etc. as his girlfriend, you're good to go.
Also, it's a good idea to have the "are we exclusive?" talk once you start having serious feelings for him and get him to say yes or no. Otherwise, you run the risk of giving him the out of "well, we never said we're exclusive..." down the line.
I also believe that once you've gone to IKEA together, you're officially in a relationship. In fact, they should just give you a relationship certificate to sign on your way out of the store.
OMG IKEA, yes, that's official stuff. And, if you can get all that stuff in the car without dropping it on people's tootsies or swearing a bunch then the relationship has a good chance of lasting. :)
IKEA?!?! LMAO!!! That's good stuff. Shame I don't have one in my area! :)
How exactly does one go about approaching the "Are we exclusive" talk, without making the guy feel as if you're trying to drag him down the aisle asap? I am pretty much a no frills kinda gal, but at the same time would feel more at ease knowing how I should be behaving. i.e.: Should I be seeking other people to "date", flirting with others when I'm out, etc...???
lmao Ikea... how very "500 Days of Summer" of you to mention that.
And I agree, when HE says it first, ball in his court schpeel, then you know for sure that you are... also if he actually takes you outside the bedroom for food, isn't afraid to kiss you in public, and also doesn't mind his friends and family knowing about you in a more platonic way, then you MIGHT be his girlfriend.
If he offers to pay for you or is willing to help fix say your car when it breaks down with the two of you together, you are probably heading towards the girlfriend'ville! You may even be promoted to Mayor of this town. I hear it's lovely this time of year...
IKEA?!?! LMAO!!! That's good stuff. Shame I don't have one in my area! :)
How exactly does one go about approaching the "Are we exclusive" talk, without making the guy feel as if you're trying to drag him down the aisle asap? I am pretty much a no frills kinda gal, but at the same time would feel more at ease knowing how I should be behaving. i.e.: Should I be seeking other people to "date", flirting with others when I'm out, etc...???
IKEA?!?! LMAO!!! That's good stuff. Shame I don't have one in my area! :)
How exactly does one go about approaching the "Are we exclusive" talk, without making the guy feel as if you're trying to drag him down the aisle asap? I am pretty much a no frills kinda gal, but at the same time would feel more at ease knowing how I should be behaving. i.e.: Should I be seeking other people to "date", flirting with others when I'm out, etc...???
As simple as my first answer: ask. Anyone who can't handle a direct question isn't mature enough to date seriously anyway. Just don't sound demanding or accusitory when you do it, and try to avoid saying "we need to talk" which automatically makes most men want to flee in terror. Don't make a big speech beforehand either. A calm "Hey, how do you feel about making this exclusive?" should do the trick. Men like as little drama as possible. And if he looks startled, give him a little time to gather his thoughts.
And no, no flirting with others when you go out. Games only cause confusion and never lead to anything good. DIRECT COMMUNICATION: my motto, folks.
**So sorry for all of the replies! It didn't seem to be taking my response and when I submitted it again, it duplicated.**
We should add "IKEA test" to the GuySpeak dictionary. Awesome.
Done!
http://www.guyspeak.com/dictionary/ikea-test/
I have been dating a guy for nine months and I have met all his friends and recently his cousin. He introduced me by my first name but she knew all about me. I don't consider myself his girlfriend b/c he has never introduced me as such to anyone and I haven't done the same either. I am thinking of waiting until our one year anniversary to broach the subject.
He's a boyfriend when he askes you to be his girlfriend. Thinking he is any sooner than that is a recipe for disaster. For both.
All I can think about right now is 500 Days of Summer. Please tell me I'm not alone here.
I recently started back up with a guy after a 3 month break, and he put me into the dreaded "we're dating, but not exclusive" limbo. Until we were together this past weekend, walking around shopping and talking about a specific article of clothing and said "Well, my girlfriend's got to have one of those....so you'd better get one", I had no clue that was how he saw me. So, I tested it out by calling him "my boyfriend" and he never corrected me. I guess that's how you know!
If it is official on facebook lol
i had in relation for years just as brother but unfortunately before he asks me to girl friend he asks me to go out with him(to have sex),is it lover or just needs having sex.how could i know whether he loves me or not i need your quick respons
some one give me solution?
Me and a guy I have been involved with,have talked about going to Ikea together? Does that count?
I'd say that, "Will you be my girlfriend?" is always a pretty surefire way to tell.
Honestly, if that hasn't happened, then you are not a couple.
Wow, I have no idea that the whole "in a relationship" status is so complicated in America ..
In my country, a boy/guy/man will ask a girl/woman/lady to go somewhere a bit more private, then the guy will be all red in the face and stutter and say "Would you be my girlfriend?". Then the girl will give her reply.
That's it. A simple definitive statement from one party to the other. That saves the other party a lot of guessing and stress and confusion.
Why can't American men try that simple solution?
Oh, yeah. Because that will mean they have to give certainty as well as commitment to the ladies. Horror, I know.
I want to go there.
So come here! It's where your current president spent his childhood for three years in the 60's ;)
So true.. I wish US is like this too, saving a lot of confusion. I came from the same place as Dita and now living in US. Here all relationship stuff is pretty confusing. Last time his Facebook is opened and I just asked him, hey do you want to make it official? Once he said yes, we just directly change the status in Facebook. Done.
Ha!!! Thats the same as my country. We dont have the seeing someone - dating - THEN the "BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND tag.. We go from friends - boyfriend and the knowing each other part comes later as days go by.. Am in Canada now and i was thinking of asking someone out, i had to first know how things work here and its way too complicated!!
I was recently in this exact dilemma. I waited for the right opportunity. Which was a family party. I just asked him "so what am I supposed to call you"....guy I'm dating....boyfriend? And he said boyfriend is good.lol Good luck!
Me and this guy hung out a couple times at partys and we ended up having sex that was that, i still saw him at partys he would text me everyonce in awhile then bout 6 or 7 months later we hang out a few times just me and him and he took me out and paid for my ticket that was that he asked me to go to his friends get to gether with him that was fun we talked awhile and hung out a couple more times and then we end up having sex again well now we hang out and have sex almost every time but he still ask me to movies out to dinner even asked me to go to the beach with him. we kiss goodbye and this has been going on for about 3 weeks or more. about a week ago i asked if he was haning out or interested in anyone else and he said no just you.. but i still want to take precautions and i'm not sure what we are how should i know or go about asking?
My boyfriend and i were kind of awkward friends to begin with... Never really were quite friends and both knew there was something more. Heck, I let him cut my hair without having a drink in my hand. Obviously trusted him for some reason even though I hadn't trusted a male other than family members for years. We went to the fair and his friend asked if I was his girlfriend and I said no and he said yes. Pretty awkward and his friend seemed confused. But about a month after that we made it official when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I've been dating a guy (African American guy) for almost 3 months, he was on the phone the other day to his cousin who asked where is was to which he replied "im at my Girl Janes house"and like everyone else, I wander if him calling me "his girl" equivalent to calling me his girlfriend? We see each other 3-4 times a week, daily 2-4hr phone calls & texts. I recently had surgery and he took me there, picked me up and came daily to help me. Due to the surgery we are unable to have sex for 6 wks but he still comes around as he did before. His actions indicate he's being exclusive & he already knows I don't date more than one person at a time. Do I still have to ask? Thanks for any feedback Jane :)
I had been dating someone for quite a few months now and was stuck with where our relationship or lack there of was. I asked if casually that since things have been going so great maybe we should decide to be official couple. He said he needed time to think. So is this just a coward way of saying , NO? What should I do?
I've been flirting back with this guy I knew for a year or two by now amd I can't really tell if we're offical since he asks, "what if I were to ask you to be his girlfriend, you you say yes or no?" WTF does the "what if" mean?!?