Last weekend Justin Timberlake was spotted "snuggling" actress Olivia Wilde, just weeks after his split from Jessica Biel (they had a four year relationship -- an eternity for celebs.) Guys, when do you think it's acceptable to start dating after a breakup? Should you keep it secret if you meet someone right away? Any tips for handling the agony of spotting your recent ex in public with someone new?
Mystery Man says:
I am terribly sentimental and usually leave it for three days before getting back into the game.
Funny Guy says:
There's really nothing that helps with the agony of Justin's dating choices. I was in shambles when he and Britney ended. I vomited for weeks when he and Cameron went south; and now with this latest break-up and the Wilde public canoodling -- I don't want to talk about it.
Regarding my own life, I try to stay clear of the EX Factor for some time: online and on the streets. If she starts slutting it up before my toothbrush has dried? F* Her. If I start hooking up? Well, that's just healthy 'moving on' stuff.
Wise-Ass says:
It's not like a death--there's no official mourning period. If you break up with someone and have another squeeze ready, I say go for it. You can be nice and try to avoid the old haunts you used to frequent with your ex, but there's no need to exile yourself. Get back on that horse!
Reformed Player says:
Breakups are always, always ugly on some level. No matter what happens, when you get over it, the other person is going to be hurt. Especially since, obviously, you're not talking to them, so your dating somebody comes completely out of the blue.
In terms of timeframe: a year for your emotions to heal, about a month at most before your primal urges take over. There are practical issues at work here: if you've been together long term and you move out, your apartment needs to not scream "hole of desperation" if you bring a woman back to it.
As far as keeping it secret...don't, but don't rub it in, either. Similarly, if you see your ex with somebody in public, discretely leave if possible. It's the best for everybody.
Girls' BFF says:
For the life of me, I can't figure out why anybody would leave Jessica Biel. Seriously. I hated Justin Timberlake for two years after I found out they were dating. With that said, I think guys and women are vastly different. Besides, men tend to mend broken hearts by banging new chicks anyway. So what's an acceptable time before dating again? Emotionally, a year.
Physically and what will happen, a solid week. There are too many women out there for men to take a break. I do think you should keep it on the under when you start dating right away just to make sure you don't hurt TOO many feelings. And if you do happen to see your recent ex out in public with somebody new, the best course of action is to pretend you don't see them and then push an old woman into traffic to distract everybody while you run away expeditiously.
Chic Geek says:
It depends on the situation. If you need to maintain civil relations with your ex (say, if you have a kid together or work together) then maybe give it a few weeks before you start making out with someone new in front of them. If it's a bad break-up, all bets are off.
Gal Pal says:
Ouch, Panama, The truth hurts. Men usually do get over things and out there faster than women. That feels grossly unfair for some reason. I guess we ladies forget we can do the exact same thing -- often with better batting average than guys -- and it might even cheer us up, or at least distract us from our pain for a few hours. In general, I'd say when to step out with someone new depends on who initiated the breaking up. If you broke someone's heart, have some class and keep things with your new dude on the DL for a few weeks. But if you were the one who was unceremoniously dumped? Go get yourself some fun as soon as you're up for it.
It is amazing to me that guys recover that quickly from their relationships. Am glad it can take men as long as a year to recover emotionally. So if a guy were to lose the love of his life - no problem, life goes on in no time... The cut does not go very deeply in men, does it?
I think many men are able to mask how they're feeling more easily...they also seem to compartmentalize "feelings" and "go out and bang the first girl I meet" better than we do.
If a man is truely in love, I think it takes a year or more. That is just an observation of my male friends.
I think women get over relationships emotionally sooner than men do. Women will talk to anyone that will listen. Men don't talk that much and it stays in their head longer. Granted these are generalizations but in general, I think men take longer to get over a break up than a woman.
It was propbably a guy who said, “The quickest way to over someone is to get under someone else.”
(The "push an old woman into traffic" comment was funny.)
"...GET over someone.."
(duh me?!)
I think it depends on the state of the relationship at the time of the break-up. If you're miserable and unfulfilled when you break up then you might be more open to a new relationship sooner. If the break-up came as a surprise, or you didn't instigate it, then it might take longer to jump into (or onto) something new.
I started dating a month after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of a year and a half, but it only took me about a week to get over it. And I actually found someone I really liked and we became "official" 3 months after the break-up. We didn't put it on facebook until recently (after 2 months of being official) because I didn't want to hurt my ex, who I still talk to every now and then.
Just based on my group of friends, the guys tend to get over breakups a lot sooner than the girls do. A few weeks later, they start seeing someone new and are happy with it, while some of my girl friends still mope after the boyfriend they had four years ago. I mean, guys don't tend to verbalize their feelings as much, so maybe we'll never know, but girls can take a lot of time to recover. I mean, I broke up with my boyfriend three months ago (amicably), and even now, the thought of entering a relationship with someone new makes me want to throw up. Whereas my ex, before he had gotten with me, had only been broken up from his last girlfriend for two months.
Thanks everybody for your answers on this -- it's a fascinating subject. Any suggestions you've found work to get over a breakup sooner? (I mean it's not like we want to be moping around!)
Guys heal/recover quicker than girls. And it sucks. Nearly every single guy I've dated has either married or been in a long-term relationship with the girl after me - whether I dated him 3 months 2 years. Engagement/wedding pictures are always the worst.
Date when you're ready to date, and when you find someone whom you want to date. Male or female, doesn't matter- move on when you're ready, no sooner, no later.
I really don't think it is a guy vs girl difference in how long it can take to get over a lost relationship. I knew a guy who didn't date anyone for 5 years because he had a difficult time getting over a relationship! I have also known guys who immediately start looking the same day a relationship has broken up. Personally I think it has to do with each individual person and the personal investment they may have had in the lost relationship. For me I have jumped from one relationship to another because it seemed right at the time. There have been times when I felt the need to just be me for a while, so I was purposely not looking. Then there have been times when I was looking but didn't find anyone worth investing my time in. I honestly feel it is a personal choice and there are no right or wrong answers.
I have witnessed guys and gals doing well in their lives become completely unglued upon hearing their exes are getting married. Time does not help in these instances if you do not come to terms with your loss. There is moving on and there is moving on for real...
When my ex got married, it made me realize that the scars on your heart heal, but they always hurt when you think about the person who caused them.
Absolutely the people we have loved leave their mark on us as we have on them...
I`ve dated a guy for 8 months and he broke up with me 6 times, my dignity and self stem were on the floor until finally my best friend and my sister made me realize how big of an idiot I was being! Now I`m talking to someone who`s far away because I`m to afraid to get hurt again! relationships suck sometimes and there`s nothing you can do about it!
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i broke up with my boyfriend of just over 4 years a couple months ago...we were both heartbroken, but i realized that we wouldn't work out in the life-long run.
he started dating someone new before i even moved out. ouch.
he has told me several times that he is still in love with me, and just wants to be with someone. i want to see him happy, and he wants the same for me. i hope he opens his eyes soon and realizes that the girl he's dating doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. :-/
i, on the other hand, have found a "playmate" recently and we are both not wanting to jump into a relationship any time soon. i think i might wait at least another month or two to be a girlfriend again.
My boyfriend of 1 year and 10 months broke up with me a week before valentines day. And in that week he was already talking to and giving gifts to another girl. He says he wants to be friends (like we were for a year before we started dating) and blah blah bull****. I just cant believe after so many "I love you"'s that out of the blue one day its all over and he's already got another girl in mind. Did our relationship really mean nothing? Everything he's ever said and that we've ever connected on, was it all really a lie? I don't understand it. I'm heartbroken and he couldn't care less.
I would love to find someone new, i mean since he's obviously moved on. But I don't think that would be fair to me or to the 'new guy'. I want to be ready, but how do you know if you are?
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