Thanks to the naughty texting antics of Tiger Woods (Link NSFW, dude was a freak), Jesse James, and Kim Kardashian's ex Reggie Bush, a new horrible buzzword has crept into our daily lives. "Chexting" is the act of sending dirty texts to a person who is not your significant other. Basically, it's sexting for creeps. And as technology continues to affect communication, many people are asking whether or not "chexting" is really cheating. What if you've never actually cheated? Is sexting another girl behind your girlfriend's back cheating?
Well, yeah. Duh. Sorry, cheaters. It's not as bad as finding your guy in bed with that skanky girl who works at the Quiznos, but it's still deceitful behavior. And, come on, nobody just sexts. Sending dirty text messages always leads to actual sex. It's like Coldstone Creamery: no one ever goes there just to look. If you go to Coldstone, you are going to order some ridiculous ice cream concoction with a name like "The Heart of Rocky Road" or "At the Coconut Cabana," and you're going to eat it all right then and there and feel bad about it later.
Texting is the worst thing to happen to fidelity since the cheap motel room. It used to be, if you wanted to say filthy things to your mistress, you had to whisper them into the phone after your wife or girlfriend has gone to bed. Now, you could be describing all the filthy things you're going to do to your mistress while grocery shopping with your wife. You could be texting Bill from the office for all she knows. Setting up places/times to meet up is so much easier. Honestly, I don't know how anyone cheated before texting was invented.
Should you break up with a guy who is "chexting" behind your back? Probably. Even if it's just texts, he is writing sexual stuff to another woman behind your back. There are different levels of cheating, but the impulse is still there.
What do you guys think? Is "chexting" cheating? (Or just a tasty cereal that gets soggy in milk?) If you caught your guy doing it, but he's always been faithful, would you throw his clothes out on the lawn?
Well, yeah. Duh. Sorry, cheaters. It's not as bad as finding your guy in bed with that skanky girl who works at the Quiznos, but it's still deceitful behavior. And, come on, nobody just sexts. Sending dirty text messages always leads to actual sex. It's like Coldstone Creamery: no one ever goes there just to look. If you go to Coldstone, you are going to order some ridiculous ice cream concoction with a name like "The Heart of Rocky Road" or "At the Coconut Cabana," and you're going to eat it all right then and there and feel bad about it later.
Texting is the worst thing to happen to fidelity since the cheap motel room. It used to be, if you wanted to say filthy things to your mistress, you had to whisper them into the phone after your wife or girlfriend has gone to bed. Now, you could be describing all the filthy things you're going to do to your mistress while grocery shopping with your wife. You could be texting Bill from the office for all she knows. Setting up places/times to meet up is so much easier. Honestly, I don't know how anyone cheated before texting was invented.
Should you break up with a guy who is "chexting" behind your back? Probably. Even if it's just texts, he is writing sexual stuff to another woman behind your back. There are different levels of cheating, but the impulse is still there.
What do you guys think? Is "chexting" cheating? (Or just a tasty cereal that gets soggy in milk?) If you caught your guy doing it, but he's always been faithful, would you throw his clothes out on the lawn?
somebody was problems with a skanky girl in quiznos lol
No offense to Quiznos employees! If I had to smell those awful sandwiches all day, I would probably go crazy.
All the Quiznos employees I know are crazy! Maybe it's the MMMMMtoasty thing. :)
I do think it can be considered a form of cheating. You are right Nick, the intention is there, isn't it "the thought that counts"?
I think there's just one step between chexting and actually cheating, but thats just me.
I dont know what id do if i caught my boyfriend sexting some other girl!
Yep the texting and internet chat have made infidelity the easiest thing to do.... things get bad just go to a chat room pick up someone and start sexting .. why not it wil not hurt anyone and she makes me feel good about myself.. What are we coming to but not just with the guys got to say I know women who do the same thing
you just described what my boyfriend did to me.....
i had no idea if i could forgive him or not, to me thats cheating..
its making it so much easier not to communicate during hard times instead just take the easy way and go feel better somewhere else til i stop being a bitch
:( horrible..
where did you come from? Seriously even putting out the notion of 'doing' other women even if it's only a screen is a form of cheating. It's also known as cybering which is disgusting to be doing with someone who isn't the person you're dating.
I'm all for taking a lil time to calm down and what not when things get rough then talk it over but to go use other women to relieve stress or anything so you're feeling 'macho' and 'king of penis land'? sorry but if I was your partner I'd so be even more nad at you and find a way to mess up your internet connection so you were forced to talk to me. but that's just what I'd do.
and whatever happened to making your partner feel wanted and happy with that sort of attention from you to her? I'm sure if you did more of that there'd be less fights.
i dont think shes saying SHE does that... shes just saying what theyre thinking when they do it...
Did you not see that Bleep had replied to been there's comment and NOT Candice's? it even shows right below it who they are replying to... and I think Bleep is just backing up what Candice said is all
I think if you're in a commited relationship you shouldn't be sending anything remotely dirty to anyone else that's a sexual manner. The only exception I'd make is maybe jokes told only to your buds but flat out saying what you want to do? Nope do not pass go!
I had a friend whose guy was sexting OTHER women while he WAS IN BED with her! How low can you get? That was just pathetic lousy and creepish and totally makes guys like that the ultimate dbag ever. She found out because he'd fallen asleep and his phone kept pinging at 2 am and so she looked through it to find out he was saying how he'd rather be nailing the other chicks than her right then and other stuff that'd make me kick his ass out and throw his stuff all over town.
So the 'chats' 'texts' and whatever else you want to call them becoming dirty? Nope not going to fly when it's directed to other women when he's supposed to be committed to someone else. If the people were single who would care other than the people are the right age (18+) but taken in any way shape or form nope big no-no.
And if they are doing it, call them on it! If they act like it's not a big deal tell them they can either have their 'toys' or you and if need be walk out on them entirely. This will do one of 2 things drive them into sadness at making such a horrible mistake or they just move on to the next one. But if they fess up and try apologizing create rules for such things and be open about it. If you want to go through their phone be willing to let them go through yours and set a time when texts outside of family and you can be answered, but most of all find out why they had to do that. Some people will because they feel a partner is neglecting them in some way others may do it for the thrill of trying to not get caught or a whole slew of other reasons.
im in this boat, mine didnt exactly SEXT. he went on the computer and talked to girls to the point where they would agree to see him but he never went. . to feel good because i was stressing him out apparently... like creating back up cause he knew he could still get girls or something.. now he just wants to be with me and he knows it was a horrible way of dealing with it and he'll always talk to me about problems now but hes still horrible at dealing with stress but according to him no matter how bad it gets he wont do it again, if need be we will seperate but that wont happen, are his words.....
so confusing..
Yes and Yes. Cheating is about waaay more than actual sex. If you can't commit to one person, don't waste their time!
I definitely agree. Cheating does not have to include actual sex to count, that's why there's a thing called "emotional cheating."
Also, lol @ chexting cereal.
this makes me sad because my boyfriend was unable to tolerate me at one point and didnt want to communicate because why? no idea. so instead he would go online and talk to girls for some "good female attention" then he got caught. (which i have sent questions in about and nobody wants to answer) ...but anyways, its just such an easy alternative to disrespect your other half. I would much like to annouce im a neo-luddist but come on i love the internet, i dont use it for such things as this topic but sadly... men who dont want to bother communicating with their other halves do.. sad.
and yes, its very much cheating.
"Chexting" is very disrespectful to your partner, even if nothing physical is involved. My ex used to text some girls while we were together, but he never let me see the texts or even meet the girls. For me, that was the last straw. He said they were "just friends." Yeah, right.
Right on, Nick, for telling it like it is.
my guy is doing the same thing! he tried to twist it around on me saying it's my fault he lost a "friend" cuz I said something to the girl. However he's done this before and it wasn't just friends and he swore it was, and I busted him. Now I'm invading his privacy.... whatever! kicking to the curb as we speak...
That's just creepy... i would definitely break up with my bf if he was "chexting"
i was in a 6 1/2 year relationship. started chatting/sexting with a friend via IM while my boyfriend was sitting next to me. he had no clue. when he went up to bed, it was on, we dirty talked for 5 hours!! then i found myself thinking about the guy, talking to the guy on the phone, eventually hooking up with the guy in a cheap hotel room. needless to say, i'm no longer in a relationship. i broke it off with my boyfriend 2 days after i cheated. and it all started with "harmless" IM chatting and then phone conversations. I couldn't keep away from the guy (still can't)!! :) He tried to talk me out of cheating, but i HAD TO screw this guy...and it was awesome. OBVIOUSLY something was missing in my relationship with the ex boyfriend (more than just sex, let me tell you...i was thinking of leaving him anyway due to other reasons).
Now...i have another friend, married 5 years with kid on the way in less than a month, who has started sexting me. Since i just went down this road, i know where it is going to lead (and i don't want to go there with him...). I haven't even answered his texts AND HE'S STILL SEXTING ME!! asking if i'm mad at him, asking if i'm going to talk to him, asking what i'm doing, saying that it's "okay to talk if u want", asking me to send a picture...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I even told him, "Dude, you're married, about to have a kid, are you sure you want to do this?" his reply - "it's not like we're going to have sex...." uh...true...cause i don't want to have sex with you, but really, i've already been down this road. i'm not going to be responsible for breaking up your family. cause 80% of them will cheat...especially if she never finds out.
wow, my fiance text on his phone alot i know whats going on, and i confronted him about it and he would say 'im not texting im play a card game' and then the sound of him receiving a text will ring, wow what a liar, and even when we are out to dinner are spending time togather the sound of him receiving a text rings then he will fine an excuse to leave to a private area so i will text him and say stop texting. and he would have a gilty look on his face. Sometimes i will tell him nicely that i dont like it he would argue and get loud. what do you think i should do chic Geek
It will lead to cheating. It is wrong to do anything like that in secret and hide from spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. It's sneaky, lying and cheating in my opinion.
My husband has been doing this with women he met on a chat room called airg they are all in another state and he is always with me but honestly it hurts just as bad as if he had gone out and had sex with these women.. It's the same thing and anyone who says it's not is a lier...
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hahha I agree
Thank you so much for this blog nick. I just caught my boyfriend on one year chexting with this beautiful girl on google plus chat. He was telling her all these things he wanted to do to her (and he said the same things to me when we first started dating)...they exchanged photos of each other too and he kept asking for more naked pics of her....he even said he was going to save her photos and "please himself" to them whenever he wanted. He told her he's had a thing for her ever since him and I started dating and kept saying how beautiful she was and that she drives him crazy. I confronted him about it last night and this is not the first time he's talked to her but this time it went really far. He was planning on doing video with her too. He apologized and says he has a problem but I'm not buying it. He says he would never cheat on me! I don't know what to do. I love him so much and don't want this to end but my heart is broken and I feel so disrespected. We talked for 2 hours last night and at first he cried but I'm a really nice person and I've always forgiven him. When he thought he was off the hook he was singing to himself in bed and acts like nothing is wrong. When I asked him if he would have physically cheated on me he said he wouldn't cuz he would be too nervous!!! Not that he wouldn't cuz he loved me or cuz I meant too much to him but that he was nervous!!! He even told her in the chat session, which lasted 6 hours, that gorgeous women make him nervous...I feel like the shittest person on the planet. I need any advise anyone is willing to throw at me....please. Thank you all for listening:) ---girl with a broken heart
So my boyfriend just bought a tablet and he let me borrow it today, and well I just started suspecting that something was going on yesterday when he said he needed to get a massage before work and had to leave an hour early. He's told me that he would get monthly massages a long time ago so it seemed believable. But then I told him to please stay and not go just to see what happens and he said ok, but he still left a little early and when he got to work he said he was going to be busy for 40 minutes so ttyl. He works in a strip club btw lol. Anyways so I'm playing with his tablet, and I go to his gmail, all of his texts are forwarded here so I see that he's been responding to sex ads on craiglist and he's been texting other girls asking for sexual favors and a girl was sending him pictures of herself ugh! I don't know if he actually cheated, but I agree with you guys, it's very disrespectful and I don't know if I should break up with him or not. I think I' just gonna go on a long break, and keeping his tablet meanwhile.
5 days ago i found out that my bf had been messaging women on some trashy website. the most recent message was to some woman asking if she wanted to "$%^& tomorrow night", while i was at work. I was furious and stormed out, dumping him on the phone after talking to my best friend. He says he never "cheated" on me, but I pointed out that he did, he just didn't have sex.
If your man is doing this to you, he does not love you. If he loved you he wouldn't even think about other women in that sort of way. Don't stand for it, you deserve better. A part of me was always waiting for something like this,I never fully trusted him. All my friends told me it was "in my head", "you're being silly", "get over it", but I now believe that you should follow your instincts. If you don't trust him, if you think he is up to something, he probably is, and you should get as far away from that relationship as possible
I had two guy friends i use to sext with, never ever turned into sex. :s so i disagree on that point. I'm still good friends with both of them, we've gotten into relationships and never crossed lines. *shrugs*
I do think doing it in a relationship, and behind someones back is wrong. I've been cheated on like that before... over msn... but did i mention? it was his cousin? *shudder* along with a long string of other women.
I actually found out last week that my boyfriend has been sexting 3 of his exes throughout our relationship(we've been going out for 5 months).I confronted him about it and he said it was just harmless flirting and that he would never cheat on me and that he loves me but I don't know what to do.I love him so much and I don't want to leave him but I don't know if I can trust him again.The worrying thing is,he's since put a password lock onto his phone which has cause even more suspicions.I don't know what to do.Please help!!!
I actually found out last week that my boyfriend has been sexting 3 of his exes throughout our relationship(we've been going out for 5 months).I confronted him about it and he said it was just harmless flirting and that he would never cheat on me and that he loves me but I don't know what to do.I love him so much and I don't want to leave him but I don't know if I can trust him again.The worrying thing is,he's since put a password lock onto his phone which has cause even more suspicions.I don't know what to do.Please help!!!