I have an anniversary coming up, and I've been married long enough to know what kind of gifts to get my wife. I've been trained, you see.
Guys can be notoriously lousy gift-givers. You've heard the stories about men giving their wives blenders or vacuums or crock pots, and you think, oh please, that can't possibly be true. Well, trust me, it is.
We had a friend whose boyfriend of almost ten years gave her jumper cables for her birthday. That's right. Jumper cables. They broke up within the next year, not so much because of the gift, but of what it and innumerable other missteps signified. Nothing screams incompatibility quite like expecting a ring and getting auto parts instead.
Another friend gave his wife a Wii for their anniversary. He thought it was a fun and original idea. She thought otherwise. She gave him the Wii when they broke up, and I wonder if that wasn't his plan all along.
The worst gift I ever gave my wife was a backpack. Yeah, I know. But we'd just spent a summer working in Yellowstone Park right after graduating from college. (No, we weren't park rangers. People always ask me that for some reason, like a 21-year-old can drive into a national park and be handed a ranger uniform.) We did a lot of hiking that summer and found out how important a good pack is to your hike, mostly because neither of us had one. So when her birthday came around just a few weeks after we got home, I knew exactly what to get her.
It's not that she didn't like it. It just wasn't romantic. And that's where untrained guys go wrong at gift-giving. We aren't thinking romantic; we're thinking practical or fun or something we can pretend is for you but is really for us, like sexy lingerie or a Vegas weekend. In other words, most guys are clueless, and we don't pick up hints very well. Many of us aren't exactly experienced shoppers, either.
That's why you have to tell us what you want. Jewelry. A spa day. A trip to Paris (ha, keep dreaming). Tell us. No, we aren't being lazy; we want to get it right. Yes, we should already know, but we don't, at least not at first. So, please, tell us what you want. It's called training your man, and a good man, like a good student, wants to learn. You don't have to pick out the exact thing you want, just point us in the right direction. Then leave us a little dignity and allow us to be creative, which we can do once we're in the right ball park.
I realize that all women are different. Not everyone wants a romantic gift, or some might consider a backpack or a Wii romantic in its creativity. (Not jumper cables. If you think jumper cables are romantic, see your doctor.) Whatever the case, the point is that your man won't mind a little nudge in the right direction. In fact, we prefer it over having to kick ourselves in the ass after getting you a lame gift.
Guys can be notoriously lousy gift-givers. You've heard the stories about men giving their wives blenders or vacuums or crock pots, and you think, oh please, that can't possibly be true. Well, trust me, it is.
We had a friend whose boyfriend of almost ten years gave her jumper cables for her birthday. That's right. Jumper cables. They broke up within the next year, not so much because of the gift, but of what it and innumerable other missteps signified. Nothing screams incompatibility quite like expecting a ring and getting auto parts instead.
Another friend gave his wife a Wii for their anniversary. He thought it was a fun and original idea. She thought otherwise. She gave him the Wii when they broke up, and I wonder if that wasn't his plan all along.
The worst gift I ever gave my wife was a backpack. Yeah, I know. But we'd just spent a summer working in Yellowstone Park right after graduating from college. (No, we weren't park rangers. People always ask me that for some reason, like a 21-year-old can drive into a national park and be handed a ranger uniform.) We did a lot of hiking that summer and found out how important a good pack is to your hike, mostly because neither of us had one. So when her birthday came around just a few weeks after we got home, I knew exactly what to get her.
It's not that she didn't like it. It just wasn't romantic. And that's where untrained guys go wrong at gift-giving. We aren't thinking romantic; we're thinking practical or fun or something we can pretend is for you but is really for us, like sexy lingerie or a Vegas weekend. In other words, most guys are clueless, and we don't pick up hints very well. Many of us aren't exactly experienced shoppers, either.
That's why you have to tell us what you want. Jewelry. A spa day. A trip to Paris (ha, keep dreaming). Tell us. No, we aren't being lazy; we want to get it right. Yes, we should already know, but we don't, at least not at first. So, please, tell us what you want. It's called training your man, and a good man, like a good student, wants to learn. You don't have to pick out the exact thing you want, just point us in the right direction. Then leave us a little dignity and allow us to be creative, which we can do once we're in the right ball park.
I realize that all women are different. Not everyone wants a romantic gift, or some might consider a backpack or a Wii romantic in its creativity. (Not jumper cables. If you think jumper cables are romantic, see your doctor.) Whatever the case, the point is that your man won't mind a little nudge in the right direction. In fact, we prefer it over having to kick ourselves in the ass after getting you a lame gift.
This is my own opinion, but men should never buy a woman fragrance unless they know which scents or brands that she enjoys. Maybe this is a mistake that only my boyfriends have made, but I have a shoe box filled with perfumes that my grandmother would find too floral and cloying.
But jewelry (fine metal or precious stone) is always welcome, in my experience.
I leave my husband to his own devices on our anniversary and I have really been surprised a few times to.
One year my husband bought me a complete outfit which consisted of:
dark blue pair of jogging pants a dark blue sweat shirt to match and to top it off was a dark blue pair of slip on granny house shoes. So with a bit of a shock I tell him "OH BABY! This is awesome and you really got me freaked up" while I am giving him this 'we are gonna have some really wild sex tonight' look so he grins big and says "REALLY?"
I almost could not contain my laughter while I'm thinking NOOOO.
So later out of a little meanness.. I bought some white granny panties and a white granny bra and wore them with my dark blue granny slippers and approached him one night and he just kinda gets this blank mannequin stare and never says a word....
All I could do was grin myself, cuz I could only imagine what he was thinking.
I still let him decide (mainly for the element of surprise) because I love the man no matter how lame the gift is
Beatrice - I agree completely. Bought my wife a fragrance only one time and she specifically asked for it by name. That time I didn't mind being told exactly which one to get.
Candi - That is awesome. I am laughing.
Hmm... I think you're right Carey, unless you're like my Dad who gives my mom Chanel No 5 for pretty much every gift event (or just gets me or my sister go to pick something out for her).
I think this should go all ways for all people. If you ask someone what they want, or tell people what you want, EVERYONE is happy. That being said I'm the most unromantic person ever...
Candi - That's hilarious.
Call us totally un-romantic but somewhere around the time No 2 came around we stopped getting each other gifts and started buying our own presents. It saves me from getting crap I don't want and totally scored me a new phone this year. I did get him a Wii a few birthdays back but it was totally unappreciated so now I just don't try
Jess, you (and Cary) hit the nail on the head. Its about good communication and understanding expectations. I learned the hard way when the then-boyfriend got me some cookbook items for my birthday and I went all irate on him. When I took the time to ask why he'd get something so seemingly bad, it turned out it was completely romantic to him as an idea for something we could enjoy doing together. While his intentions were admirable yet off the mark for me, I realized then I needed to appreciate his thoughfulness and either change my expectations or steer him in the right direction.
Don't mean to upset anyone but,
Did anybody marry or date the person they are with because of the possibility of great future presents and gifts you will be receiving?
I married my husband because:
1. Good Looking
2. He looked like he could do some major hanky panky
3. Very magnetic personality
I know, shallow on my part, and he gives pretty lame gifts sometimes and it's those lame gifts that makes me love him all the more. The ones that I have to ask myself "What am I gonna do with that?" are the ones I find humor in and always find a use for. It might take some imgination sometimes, but hay, that is what keeps a marriage lively and always interesting.
Sometimes I don't understand why wives or husbands get upset that they did not receive the perfect gift. Your spouse that loves is the gift, anything else is bonus.
My husband gave me a paper shredder one year. To his credit, I did say something about maybe we should get one sometime, but I didn't mean as a gift for me. Actually, when I mentioned it, I was thinking that he was the one who needed it because he has a lot of confidential papers that have to be shredded when he is done with them because of his job. He has one at his office, but I thought one at home would be beneficial to him too because he often brings his work home with him.
I've tried the training thing. It didn't work. Even when I told him point blank some ideas of things that I might like, he ignored the suggestions and bought something else that he thought I would like better. He just seems to have no clue as to the kinds of things I like. I'm lucky if he remembers the special day, let alone buy a gift for it. If he does remember, he might buy a card. Or we go out to eat and skip the gifts. Going out to eat is nice, so I enjoy that.
He hasn't even been home for our anniversary for the last five years. His annual three or four day summer golf trip with his buddies always falls on the week of our anniversary. So I just accept that gift giving and remembering special occasions is not one of his strong suits and get on with life. If there is something that I want, I have learned to either buy it for myself or do without it.
Oh, dear, this is precisely why sites like this will always be popular! We (women) tell you (men) in a dozen different ways what we want you to get us without telling you what we want you to get us. But, how do I say this nicely? You don't listen. Like when we get all excited & tell you about an awesome museum exhibit/restaurant that piques our interest, or a sweet camera we read about in a magazine, or something. Yet, apparently these things never seem to register when you guys are out spastically hunting for a gift about an hour before giving it. LOL. Luckily, I happen to find it this guy quirk (& every straight guy I know shares this quirk) quite endearing, though. But I'm not that big on gifts.
Oh, & thanks Candi for cracking me up. In general, guys: no "fashion" gifts please.
My husband is the world's worst gift-giver, but I hate having to tell him exactly what I want because then I might as well just buy it for myself! So I drop blatant hints along the lines of, "I love that necklace. I'd love something like that for my birthday." Of course he forgets all about it so a day or two before my b-day I'll say something like, "Man, I wish I had a NECKLACE to go with this DARK BLUE sweater I'm wearing. That one I saw at XOXO would be perfect."
Sometimes he even gets it right.
But yeah, one year I did get a toaster (albeit a really nice one!) and I put the kibosh on any further "household gifts" being given to me as a bday present from there on out. As for anniversaries, we don't exchange gifts but we take a weekend trip together instead. Problem solved.
Toasters and paper shredders. Oy vey.
Gifts are not that big a deal, it's true. It simply comes down to the thought, really. But I'm sorry, I have to say this: there is absolutely no excuse for any man to forget/blow off his anniversary. Tattoo the date on your forehead if your memory is that bad. Some women don't care, and that's cool, but I still think the man should acknowledge it anyway. Call me old-fashioned.
Maybe I'm odd, but I prefer a gift that shows some thought went into it. Over jewelery or perfume, I'd take something personal. And I'd rather not be the one to suggest it.
For my first birthday since we've been together, my boyfriend got me a book by my favorite comedy troupe which has been out of print for several years. And tickets to an interesting show. For his birthday, I got him "modern art" silver candleholders and tickets to a band we both love. Those are the kind of gifts I most like.
But I don't know who would break up over a Wii. If my boyfriend didn't already have one, I would want one. The backpack seemed like a good personal gift too. Those gifts say fun/travel- a little more interesting than a "romantic" gift. I can't imagine breaking up over a bad gift either though, it seems silly. No one should ever expect anything.
I think for special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's day) romantic gifts are much appreciated than the highly creative ones. We like to be treated like a princess once a while. The fun little gifts should be saved for the time in between for refreshers.
I have a friend who was seeing this guy for a while. He gave her the holy Bible on her birthday!?!?!?! I was completely speechless when I heard it.
Yeah so for Christmas ... I got a can opener and a container of cashews, that didn't require a can opener to open!! I guess he was trying?? I guess ...
My husband was inconsistant with the gifts. He could be left on his own to pick, and sometimes it was wonderful... like the jewelry. He was great at picking "bling". However, I don't wear much in the way of fragrances and he would usually buy one of those cheap, "ready made" gift sets from Walmart for me. After several years of the cheap, stinky fragrances, I told my daughter (whom he always took shopping with him), "Don't let your daddy buy me any more perfume." That worked out well, but really limited the gifts too.
One Christmas in an attempt to get the things I really wanted under the tree, I bought myself several things for him to "give" to me. He thought it was wonderful! Come Christmas morning, not one of the things I bought were under the tree! When I asked him about it, he told me, "Oh yeah, I forgot all about those." Then went and got them, still in the bags and boxes I gave them to him in, and handed them to me. Boy did THAT every backfire on me!
The only time I've ever been upset with a gift is if I didn't get something I was specifically asking for... so I've learned to not be specific and be open to the thought behind it.
And I have to say, I think a Wii would be a FANTASTIC gift... no way I'd be leaving that behind.