Cuddling is not an all night thing. There. I said it. That doesn't mean men don't think it's great. Who doesn't love to spoon, nuzzle, or cradle? But there are limits, people.
Snuggling should last no more than ten minutes. After that, each party should return to their respective sides of the bed. During this break, they can use the bathroom or make a sandwich. There should be at least twenty minutes of non-cuddle time inbetween episodes of cuddling. I don't think this is unreasonable.
Just because a man needs some space doesn't mean he has intimacy issues. It can get sweaty in an amorous embrace. This is just reality.
Many woman interpret a man's fidgetiness as rejection. This is just not true. Some women treat their men like parachutes. They hold on for dear life. What she thinks is a "cuddle" is actually a death grip, a python's hug. She is a barnacle and he is the hull of a pirate's ship.
Look, I'm all man, and I have the big, round, hairy toe knuckles to prove it. I'm not even afraid to be the inside spoon. If she wants to wrap her arms around me, fine. I don't have to be the protective love shell. But after ten minutes of holding each other close, I get sweaty. Antsy. Restless, like a lonesome bull made out of tornados.
Now I know that plenty of women think that men are brutes. The slightest sign of tender affection, and we react like a vampire unwittingly using a Holy water bidet. But there's a reason stuffed animals are called Teddy Bears, and not Tina or Tonya Bears. Hello, the "'bear hug?" Dudes practically invented the non-lethal squeeze.
However, quality cuddling isn't determined by duration of time. Longer is not better. A good horizontal hug is about intensity. It's about pulling someone into your chest. Breathing with them, sharing a quiet moment, and briefly allowing your souls to melt together like the gooey innards of a grilled cheese sandwich. Then letting go. This is mostly practical: I like to sleep on my stomach. I can't sleep comfortably if I'm tangled up with another person. You know what's sexy? Two people panting after sex, and fumbling to find each other in the dark. You know what's not sexy? Finding that person and discovering she's a needy leech person with suction cup fingertips.
Guys get so much heat for banging and bolting, railing and bouncing. But we love to cuddle. Seriously. We want to cuddle. Our big, muscular arms were made to hold onto those we love for dear life. We want to be held, too. But not for hours at a time. What if a bear attacks at night? We need to be free, in order to wrestle that bear!
To recap: cuddling is not a marathon sport. We'll all be a lot happier if you just accept these facts of life. Snuggling is like making out - you have to come up for air eventually.
Thank you! This is something that I've wondered about for awhile and it makes perfect sense. I'm sure there are guys that feel differently (either cuddling for longer or even less) but I agree, it can get uncomfortable and sweaty quite quickly...not good.
Okay! You talked me into it...GO GET THAT BEAR JOHN!
wow that helps with all my questions! thanks!
John so glad you wrote this! I'm female and I'm not into long term cuddling either. I totally agree with the 10 minute cuddle rule, no need to be meshed together for hours on end. I can't sleep while cuddling (I'm a stomach sleeper too) and have actually gotten a lot of flack for it from various boyfriends. Everything from controlling, bitchy and once accused of having "personal space issues". Not true at all, as you so wonderfully put it "longer is not better" it's the quality of the cuddle not the quantity! thanks again! and know there are some women out there who agree with you
*phew*
I feel so much better now for not being able to cuddle all night!
I don't think all men are like this. I've had a few ex-boyfriends who insist on cuddling all night, which of course was welcome by me. I thought it was pretty funny cause two were rugby players and all 3 of them were very masculine so I was pleasantly surprised by their cuddling affinities :)
Also I'm not a cuddling nazi, if a guy needs to leave for the bathroom or water or something i wont be upset lol. He can come back adn get his spot if he wants it.
LOL
i know you love sweeping generalities, but it's not just the women DeVore. I've had my guy scold me for rolling unto my back (still pretty close, just not spooning): "What's wrong?" "nothing" "then why the hell are you all the way over there?". and when I woke up in the morning I was teetering over my edge of the bed, while he was burried into my shoulders.
Ex husband couldn't stand cuddling more than a minute or two.
Boyfriend is a all nighter kind of cuddler - loved it that I was a snuggler...
Everyone is different ... I can compromise...
I am dating a "mountain man", and he's all about the cuddle. He's actually said it out loud "I am all about the cuddle." The first time his friends saw us together, they were shocked at how affectionate he was with me (no, he did not cross into clingy/rude territory, in case you were wondering. I can't stand that nonsense and wouldn't put up with it.) He's all guy, but he can melt around me. I get the best of both worlds, and I realize that I am ridiculously lucky.
And when he's not in snuggle mode, I just let him be a guy. That's important girls- LET YOUR GUY JUST BE A GUY sometimes. That's why we love them, right? That's what makes them awesome. And he will think YOU are awesome if you let him scratch, belch, and drink beer... as he is meant to. As long as he puts in some effort too once in a while.
Sorry... went off on a tangent there.
I guess my point is, all men are different. Hell, all women are different. I have a lot of personality traits that seem more masculine than feminine (like my stubborn independent streak), and he puts up with them, and even seems to love me because of it.
I love John D's posts and highly respect his opinions. But just remember ladies-men are not all created equal. They are like snowflakes. Hairy, sweaty snowflakes. You too, can have the best of both worlds if you look long enough.
Kinda the exact opposite for me. I get antsy after a while and then I need to break loose. I think he's more of the barnacle in that instance.
Sure girls like to cuddle, but there are plenty of us out there who would rather roll over and take a long snooze after a good dragon-snaking session.
I second your statement!
third that statement
It depends if it gets hot I can't stand it. I hate being hot when I'm sleeping. But if the temperature is not an issue he usually ends up wrapped around me all night, and I don't mind because he's pretty damn comfy. ;-)
Hairy, sweaty snowflakes. hahahaha L awesome, just hilarious.
I personally used to never be able to fall asleep while being cuddled. It was rare so I enjoyed the cuddling while he was zonked out snoring away in my ear. Then I'd push him away and go to sleep knowing that some beauty rest is necessary.
Though being woken up is not something that people enjoy while sleeping - being a person who sleeps through the night maybe once a month or two - being woken up by forced cuddling by a sleeping man is always a peaceful feeling, it usually happens when i'm on the brink of waking and rotating so it soothes me back to sleep. As for the sweatiness - if it's too sweatyspread your legs (assuming the waist area is the heat spot) let yourselves air out if you are too comfy to move but uncomfy from the sweat.
I like this post - for the mere point of telling women who think it's weird for someone to not cuddle all night that it is not weird - leave the man be to breathe roll over & hug a pillow/blanket/bear
Not all guys hold to the ten-minute rule: my current boyfriend is a from-the-moment-I-see-you-I-want-you-in-my-arms-‘til-you-walk-out-the-door sort of cuddler. I love cuddling, so no complaints there. But, wait! It gets better. I can't hold heat in my body to save my life (seriously, I shiver in 65 degree weather). I absorb heat like no other, I just can't keep it in my body. My boyfriend has amazing circulation, to the point that he just radiates heat like a furnace; he prefers 45 degree weather. I am the only girlfriend he's had that he can share intense cuddle time with and not overheat. He's a stomach sleeper, and I'm an on-my-back sort of sleeper. He craves my heat-sucking powers (he calls me a black hole of heat) so much that he'll drag me onto his chest, wrap his arms around my back, and hold on for dear life all night long. And, it's only when I'm asleep cuddling with him that I don't wake up freezing in the middle of the night. It's so strange now, because I can't fall asleep on my back when he's nearby; I have to be on my stomach on top of him. And when I'm sleeping by myself, I now have to bundle in three layers instead of two to compensate. Just about every time we cuddle he says, "I can't believe how comfortable this is to fall asleep on my back. And I'm not overheating!"
So, I agree with some of the above comments. Not all guys are the same. They are snowflakes: mine just happens to be hairier and hotter (but not sweatier, oddly enough) than most.
I am going to make my boyfriend read this. He is the snuggle obsessed one in our relationships. I don't know how many nights I've spent sweaty and uncomfortable because he likes to snuggle even while he's SLEEPING.
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