GuySpeak Nation, I am here for you.  Children of Israel, Women of the world wide dating web, American cyber advise-seekers, I have arrived to heal your wounds and rest your erotic queries. May the sexually stressed-out, emotionally crippled and positively bored find refuge and solace within my words and wisdom. I am, indeed, the new Funny Guy. I thank former FG Michael Swaim for so graciously passing the double-sided baton to me. Before I officially get started, I have just so many people to thank. Thank you to  my therapist, acupuncturist and chiropractor for keeping me intellectually nimble and in peak physical condition. Thank you to my web-guru and spiritual advisor, Jeff. To my harem of sexual partners, past relationshippers and online dating disasters, I thank you for "teaching me the way." I thank you all for making me the seasoned sex champ and relationship sage who now stands ready to serve the Kingdom of Guyspeak.

Now, I imagine many of you are thinking, "Who the hell is this guy, Amit Wehle? I liked the old Funny Guy just fine. He had snappy one-liners and made me see things in a different light.  His response to whether or not I should get a chin implant changed my life. His answer to the classic 'Girl dating the entire Paramus, NJ high school wrestling team' was legendary. Where does Amit fit in all of this?"

I can only say, in truth, I will work to earn your chuckles and respect line-by-line and week by week. I should point out that landing a role on this panel is not achieved effortlessly. There is a rigorous and extensive training. Not to bore you, but in the last several months  in preparation, I've signed up with 12 dating sites and charmed  over 287 dates. I've gotten engaged twice and married once. I've fathered seven children, delivered two infants and was put up for adoption. I've studied the ways of love in Paris and the ways of forbidden love in Paris, too. I've received an online doctorate degree in psychology and a masters in sociology. I've weighed breasts, measured penises and experimented heavily with cologne. I've grown a goatee and interviewed pantyhose.

And rest assured Guyspeak devotees, while my credentials are mighty, I also know human nature; I am ready for "the process." We'll adjust gradually to each other, like husband and step-daughter. We'll transition gently into this, like a virgin on her wedding night. We'll move forward, but with caution -- tender and forgiving -- like the warm compress on a puss-filled back zit. But know this: I take my job seriously. And at yesterday's swearing in ceremony, surrounded by Girls BFF, Chic Geek, Reformed Player, The Wise-Ass and Mystery Man I took a blood and vomit oath to rock this site with insight and mad-funnies. I intend to do just that.

So in the words of Marvin Gaye and UFC referee Big John McCarthy "Let's get it on."