Happy Sunday, everyone, and happy Almost Autumn. Fall officially starts on Saturday, and your friendly neighborhood Mystery Man is thrilled. It's my absolute favorite season, since some of the year's most ridiculous and fantastic things happen during the fall:
-College kids swarming back into every college town like locusts, buying all the microwavable taquitos and cheap beer within five miles.
-Every tree in your backyard dropping fifty tons of leaves every day for two months.
-Seeing ladies do the Walk of Shame the morning after Halloween wearing the remnants of Slutty Nurse or Slutty Power Ranger costumes.
-Watching your teenage cousin come out to the family at Thanksgiving, followed by at least one family member storming out and getting drunk in the backyard.
-Football on for four days a week, and no football on for only three days a week.
That's a quality season right there, people. And I want you all to enjoy it as much as I do! So I've got some advice on how to best enjoy this magnificent Fall. If you follow it, I guarantee that you be frolicking in the leaves and enjoying warm sweaters as much as you possibly can. Ready? Here we go:
The Mystery Man's Six Pieces of Surefire Autumn Advice
1. If you have any chores/tasks/errands that you need your husband or boyfriend to take care of, please let him know on Saturday morning. That gives him a full day to get them done before Sunday football starts. If your boyfriend is a big college football fan, then give him the To Do List on Friday morning.
2. Don't let your apartment or house get taken over by piles and piles of apple picking apples and pumpkin picking pumpkins. Test out your cooking skills a little bit and turn apples into something awesome, Rip apart a pumpkin and create bread! Why the heck not? It'll be fun.
3. If you are British royalty and are traveling the world during the Fall, try to keep your clothes on. Because if you don't, people are going to take your picture and show everybody. If it's too late, and you've already had your boobs put on display for half the world, then just try to move on with some fun outdoorsy activities.
4. Think of your Halloween costume more than two days in advance of Halloween. Seriously, plan a day in the next couple of weeks to go to the costume store. Give yourself a month, because if you don't, the time is going to tick by and all of a sudden it'll be October 31st and you have ten minutes to wrap yourself in toilet paper and then shamble your way to your friend's party as a mummy.
5. Go to at least one ridiculous Fall festival. Watch Scottish people lift heavy things! Celebrate impressive gourds! Go fly a hundred kites! There's just something about the chill in the air that makes people get all the craziness out of their system before the snow starts falling.
6. Finally learn to knit, and then send the Mystery Man an awesome scarf. There's truly nothing more exciting than scarf knitting/mailing! .... Ok fine, this really isn't advice so much as me begging for a scarf. Seriously. I've never gotten a handmade scarf before, and I've always wanted one. If I get one, I will have the best Fall ever. Just like you will, if you listen to all my advice.
Have fun, folks. And stay warm!
-College kids swarming back into every college town like locusts, buying all the microwavable taquitos and cheap beer within five miles.
-Every tree in your backyard dropping fifty tons of leaves every day for two months.
-Seeing ladies do the Walk of Shame the morning after Halloween wearing the remnants of Slutty Nurse or Slutty Power Ranger costumes.
-Watching your teenage cousin come out to the family at Thanksgiving, followed by at least one family member storming out and getting drunk in the backyard.
-Football on for four days a week, and no football on for only three days a week.
That's a quality season right there, people. And I want you all to enjoy it as much as I do! So I've got some advice on how to best enjoy this magnificent Fall. If you follow it, I guarantee that you be frolicking in the leaves and enjoying warm sweaters as much as you possibly can. Ready? Here we go:
The Mystery Man's Six Pieces of Surefire Autumn Advice
1. If you have any chores/tasks/errands that you need your husband or boyfriend to take care of, please let him know on Saturday morning. That gives him a full day to get them done before Sunday football starts. If your boyfriend is a big college football fan, then give him the To Do List on Friday morning.
2. Don't let your apartment or house get taken over by piles and piles of apple picking apples and pumpkin picking pumpkins. Test out your cooking skills a little bit and turn apples into something awesome, Rip apart a pumpkin and create bread! Why the heck not? It'll be fun.
3. If you are British royalty and are traveling the world during the Fall, try to keep your clothes on. Because if you don't, people are going to take your picture and show everybody. If it's too late, and you've already had your boobs put on display for half the world, then just try to move on with some fun outdoorsy activities.
4. Think of your Halloween costume more than two days in advance of Halloween. Seriously, plan a day in the next couple of weeks to go to the costume store. Give yourself a month, because if you don't, the time is going to tick by and all of a sudden it'll be October 31st and you have ten minutes to wrap yourself in toilet paper and then shamble your way to your friend's party as a mummy.
5. Go to at least one ridiculous Fall festival. Watch Scottish people lift heavy things! Celebrate impressive gourds! Go fly a hundred kites! There's just something about the chill in the air that makes people get all the craziness out of their system before the snow starts falling.
6. Finally learn to knit, and then send the Mystery Man an awesome scarf. There's truly nothing more exciting than scarf knitting/mailing! .... Ok fine, this really isn't advice so much as me begging for a scarf. Seriously. I've never gotten a handmade scarf before, and I've always wanted one. If I get one, I will have the best Fall ever. Just like you will, if you listen to all my advice.
Have fun, folks. And stay warm!
Already knitting...but the resulting scarves are actually meant for my grandmother and boyfriends mom. They are however quite pretty and come with matching hats that I've finished.
Scarves and hats?!!? And none for the Mystery Man? For shame!
I get a scarf every year for Christmas so you can have mine if you want...my dad's wife likes to knit because everyone gets one lol
Give me an address and i'll send you one! I'll take any excuse to do some knitting. It is so much fun!