Because some questions just aren't that hard to answer, especially for a wise-ass.
Do men really care about women's eyebrows?
Only when they are weird or missing.
Where can I go to meet decent single men?
A monastery.
Why do guys get clingy?
They don't use dryer sheets.
Why don't guys like to talk?
What does a guy mean when he says, "Call me later"?
He means call him later.
If your late husband's best friend flirts with you, what does that mean?
It means your husband should learn to be on time.
What's a dead giveaway that my husband is cheating?
You discover his penis in a vagina that does not belong to you.
Do guys really think about sex once a minute?
Of course not. Twice a minute, at least, sometimes more.
Are you gay?
No, sorry. But keep looking, you'll find a guy soon.
What's a sign that your boyfriend wants sex?
He's your boyfriend.
How do I tell a guy I've been out with once that I'm ready to move on?
Tough question. When you've invested that much time in someone, finding the right words can be difficult. He'll be devastated, but hold your ground. Be strong and you'll get through this.
I've been married eight months. How do I know if my husband loves me or not?
I don't know, but if you ever get married again, this is one of those things you might want to work out before the wedding.
Why aren't my sandwiches good enough anymore?
The bread. A wise man* once said, "A sandwich is only as good as the bread on which it is made."
Do guys really care about brains?
Only the ones who are zombies.
If my guy only wants to do it doggy style, does it mean I'm fugly?
No, it means he likes doggy style sex. You could still be fugly, though.
How do I put a spark back into my relationship with my husband?
Set him on fire.
How do I know when a guy is ready for marriage?
He asks you to marry him.
Do guys like it when girls make noises during sex?
Depends on the noise. Moaning = good. Retching = not good.
Do you like flexible virgins?
That's a contradiction in terms, don't you think?
I heard you wrote a book. Is that true? If so, where can I buy a copy?
As a matter of fact, I did write a book. You can buy it here. Thanks for asking.
* Me
Do men really care about women's eyebrows?
Only when they are weird or missing.
Where can I go to meet decent single men?
A monastery.
Why do guys get clingy?
They don't use dryer sheets.
Why don't guys like to talk?
What does a guy mean when he says, "Call me later"?
He means call him later.
If your late husband's best friend flirts with you, what does that mean?
It means your husband should learn to be on time.
What's a dead giveaway that my husband is cheating?
You discover his penis in a vagina that does not belong to you.
Do guys really think about sex once a minute?
Of course not. Twice a minute, at least, sometimes more.
Are you gay?
No, sorry. But keep looking, you'll find a guy soon.
What's a sign that your boyfriend wants sex?
He's your boyfriend.
How do I tell a guy I've been out with once that I'm ready to move on?
Tough question. When you've invested that much time in someone, finding the right words can be difficult. He'll be devastated, but hold your ground. Be strong and you'll get through this.
I've been married eight months. How do I know if my husband loves me or not?
I don't know, but if you ever get married again, this is one of those things you might want to work out before the wedding.
Why aren't my sandwiches good enough anymore?
The bread. A wise man* once said, "A sandwich is only as good as the bread on which it is made."
Do guys really care about brains?
Only the ones who are zombies.
If my guy only wants to do it doggy style, does it mean I'm fugly?
No, it means he likes doggy style sex. You could still be fugly, though.
How do I put a spark back into my relationship with my husband?
Set him on fire.
How do I know when a guy is ready for marriage?
He asks you to marry him.
Do guys like it when girls make noises during sex?
Depends on the noise. Moaning = good. Retching = not good.
Do you like flexible virgins?
That's a contradiction in terms, don't you think?
I heard you wrote a book. Is that true? If so, where can I buy a copy?
As a matter of fact, I did write a book. You can buy it here. Thanks for asking.
* Me
Oh my! You make me laugh! You're the wizard of wit, Cary. The best!
"They don't use dryer sheets." HA HA HA HA HA! =)
*gigglesnort* Set him on fire is a good answer^^
But it was supposed to be a spark not a flame :P
So funny. But does "call me later" really mean "call me later" ?? Or does it mean "Get away from me, woman, I don't love you anymore!" Because I think that's how it's frequently translated.
I think most guys say "I'll call you later" (but don't) when they want to blow off a girl. My translation of "Call me later" is, "I want you to pursue me so I can have the upper hand in the relationship." Or maybe he's doing something else at the time and can't talk, like having sex with some other chick. "Kinda busy here. Call me later."
Another great batch, C! Any post that mentions brain-eating zombies is a welcome addition to Guyspeak, IMO.
Well done!
Buy the book, it's hilarious!
"A sandwich is only as good as the bread on which it is made."
A. MEN.
I guess I should have waited for your advice on the eyebrows before I got my makeover. Where can I go to meet decent single male zombies?
Holy crap, you're the List of the Day guy? I honestly had no idea. I check that blog every day. It's listed right under The Aquaman Shrine and Failblog.
Yes I am. Thanks for reading it. Glad you enjoy the blog.
um, i think the question about the late husband was referring to her spouse passing away. which makes being hit on by his old best friend very awkward.
no shit, really?
If my guy only wants to do it doggy style, does it mean I'm fugly?
hahaha you through me off with your answer - i was expecting no it means he's gay or misses the prison life
love you & look forward to reading your book!
you're the wise ass not suppose to be the funny one
Oops. I'll work on that.
Cary McNeal is an Emmy-winning TV writer and producer who has written comedy for Mike Myers, Chris Tucker, Fred Willard and Jackie Chan. His work appears on several websites including Asylum.com, Guyspeak.com, and his blog, List Of The Day.