Since it is the holiday weekend and no one is going to read this anyway, I fancy a muck about. Something silly for once, yet something that digs back to my writing roots as a facile and superficial analyser of mechanistic social behavior presented as crassly and boorishly as possible due to a crippling lack of said social skills.
One thing that you can't help but notice is that GuySpeak is not as other sites are. It is sort of the Bizzaro version of pretty much every other site out there, where the comments on the answers, when the comment box actually works (we know, we know, working on it), are usually positive and supportive of the questioner. Sure, there is the odd troll, commenters will call out both the OP and the Guy answering if they feel they need to and we have our government mandated quota of spammers, but the signal to noise ratio is massive. And usually very kind.
Why the hell are people generally so nice here? It goes against all precepts of internet interaction, and really dents my firmly held belief that most people are obnoxious, self centered meat sacks. What possible advantage can they obtain by it?
People read the questions and answers here for many reasons. For answers to problems of their own, to make them feel better about themselves, idle curiosity - all good reasons. Commenting on the questions though, it is either to teach (it happened to me too, here is what happened), or because the plight touched your heart or, more rarely, your rage button.
Oxytocin, not to be confused with the much more popular Oxycontin, is called the love hormone for a reason. It is released in massive quantities during sex, as a way to bond more closely and get the guy to maybe stick around for a sandwich afterwards. It is also heavily involved in feelings of empathy and socialization, which might explain why pre-pubescent children are such malicious machines of spite and destruction most of the time.
Some people are exquisitely sensitive to it's effects, thanks to their genetics. Excitingly called the A and G versions of the rs53576 DNA sequence of the oxytocin receptor (OXTR) gene (Gotta love scientists. The poor dears should never be allowed to name anything, ever, not even a goldfish.), if you got the AA version you are a selfish asocial boor (Hi there!) while if you got the GG version you are so kind and social that people can tell just by watching you with someone else, without even being able to hear you.
"But what's it all mean, MM? This isn't Scientific American!" you cry.
Don't cry, idiot, it simply means being kind gets you high. High on love.
Who knew? Maybe I'll give it a try some time. Meanwhile, my starkly mechanistic view of the universe restored, I can stop letting the question bother me.
I think I might actually be GGG... Doesnt always pay to be so kind but damn it sure feels good (for the record, my kind DNA somehow fails me in my 1 hour + rountrip daily commute to work... I think I might be chaneling Linda Blair in the Exorcist)
I think it's more complicated than that. Unlike politics -- or even some band's website -- there's nothing to like or dislike very much. IF a person already has some sort of passion against the object of discussion (for instance, Bieber in my case), things turn nasty a lot more easily. The reply would then usually be defensive, which leads to a flaming war. But since the topic is relationship-based, I think most people can find it in them to empathise, one way or another, with the problems that the askers are facing. This being the case, even the replies that disagree with one another are tactful (more or less) -- having experienced relationship pain themselves no one wants to exacerbate any pain an other might be feeling. It's more to do with the ability to empathise I do think. There was an article written some time ago in the NYT about why the right and left in america can't get along at all and I think it was due to their inability to even begin seeing the other's views.
Really exquisite writing style there. Very refreshing to read a bit of good prose, particularly with so much crap being flung on the internet these days in Twitter-speak. Makes you want to reach for the loo roll, it does.
Oh, and the content is quite welcome too. Thanks, MM.
You guys set the tone. Your answers can be blunt, but almost always respectful and compassionate. My husband, whom I loved very much, died last year. I come to this site to check in with what a group of decent men is thinking. It reminds me how lucky I was to find my guy. I always find your answers and the comments at least interesting, and sometimes fascinating.
It's not Robert Palmer I'm hearing in my head, but a slightly older tune:
Love is like oxygen
You get too much, you get too high
Not enough and you're gonna die
Love gets you high.
Ah, Sweet. 70s glam rock at its best.
Nice post, MM. Erudite and thoughtful.
Thank you, kind sir!
I've been reading GuySpeak for about a year now and really enjoy all the guy's posts. I've never left a comment but MM's post struck a chord.
I have a very good male friend at work. We go to lunch every two weeks to catch up and commiserate...about his family relationships and my dating adventures (my husband died 2 1/2 years ago and I just got back out into the dating world this year). We learned that we are both empathetic and kind individuals who truly care about other people. I've been sharing with him that all the guys I've met in 2011 have been mean, ugly individuals who have gone out of their way to be horrid. In fact, I stopped dating entirely long about May (for a while).
During our last outing, we had a conversation about why were WE such nice, empathetic people and how come neither of us had it in us to be or do anything else no matter what the circumstances. I told him that sometimes I wish I could be a b**tch because they're the ones who always seem to get the really nice guys. Now I know...it's genetics. Guess I'll just have to keep looking for another GG guy who appreciates a nice and genuine woman who doesn't like drama.