Your crush is doing what he actually needs to be doing right now. Odd as this may sound, when men go through a breakup, we very rarely deal with the emotions that we are feeling or the various thoughts swirling around in our minds. Nope. We go out and pretend like nothing is the matter and sleep with lots of women. Somehow, that makes sense to us. Whereas women tend to want to talk things out and get at least to the point where they don't think it's their fault, men just avoid, avoid, avoid.

So he's doing you a favor right now by telling you that he won't make a move on you. He's being honest. He's not in the right frame of mind. He's got some other stuff he needs to work through his system before he's going to be any good for a woman. Right now.

Eventually he will have gotten some of it out of his system and hopefully done some evaluation and learned some things about himself that will allow him to welcome a new woman into his life, and perhaps that new woman can be you. He's not baiting you, he's being honest. But we (mostly) all come around at some point. It might take a while, but we do. And hopefully we don't break too many hearts in the process.

Sounds like a stand-up dude. And if you're really into him, you'd be smart to bide your time and wait until he gets this "Breakup Bang Spree" out of his system. In the meantime, have you considered a BSS of your own?

You don't. And why should you care anyway? No crime to be gay, and really none of your business.

Oh, this is another of the perpetual "He is ignoring me, he must be gay." questions, isn't it, that come in every single day and almost never get answered cause we are all totally sick of them. Contrary to what you think, you are not totally irresistible to men. He is not gay, he simply doesn't like you. 

As for why not, well maybe it's because you assume any problem is the other persons fault and not your own. Check over your own personality first, rather than blaming someone else. Sheesh.

Hold on, Mystery Man. This may be a very real question from a very naïve young woman. Cut her some slack. The best way to ask? Don't. It really isn't your business and will likely make this guy feel uncomfortable, whatever his orientation. He may be gay, straight, bi-curious or asexual. Doesn't matter, though. You'll be his friend, regardless, right? So who cares? As for dating, he's either into you or he isn't. If you don't float his boat, it's not your business to find out who does. 

In the immortal words of Lex Luthor: WRONG!!! Joking aside, snooping is always, always wrong, and it's one step below cheating in the relationship-ending category. Yes, even if you were right to snoop and he is doing something wrong. Snooping is both a violation of somebody's privacy and a flat-out statement that you have no trust in them to tell you the truth.

Imagine how you'd feel if you discovered your boyfriend was going through your email, or calling your work pretending to be someone else just to see if you were really at your desk like you said you were. Freaked out and angry, right? So will he when he inevitably catches you; snoops always get busted because they just keep doing it.

If your boyfriend is doing something that makes you feel weird or worried, don't pussyfoot around it: ask him point-blank. Give him an opportunity to explain what's going on. If he doesn't have a good answer, you can decide from there.

Spot on, Reformed Player. Did you copy this directly out of your diary that I found in your nightstand...oh, wait. Nevermind. Stopping is always wrong. Always. If your dude is engaging in assholery, suspicious, crazy-making behavior, ask him why. And then tell him to knock off said assholery ASAP. If he doesn't, find someone else ('s drawers to snoop through). 

What?? What?? Hold on a second. I need to pick my jaw up off of the floor. Why are you you still with this guy? It is absolutely not your fault. This guy is a controlling, abusive monster. Read up on the signs of an abusive relationship. Leave him now. If you're scared, talk to a domestic violence counselor. 

He said he'd stop caring about you or smash your iPhone? Neither of those should be options.  This guy has serious jealousy and trust issues. Actually, smashing your phone because he thinks you're acting shady goes beyond jealousy issues. This guy's a straight-up nutjob. There is never any good reason for him to destroy your possessions. Destroying your phone is the move of a classic controller. "You won't let me see who you're calling?! Fine, then I smash your phone." Now you're scared and he has the upper hand. That's what a bully does. Do you want to date a bully? Cause that's who you're with now. 

So why are you staying with him? It doesn't matter that he's fixing your phone. The fact that he did it in the first place gives you more than enough justification to dump this dirtbag. Add to that the fact that he blames you for what he did, and you've got the makings of a textbook abuser. You need to get out of this relationship before he breaks something else. Like your nose.

Ugh. You shouldn't have to. You're with him, aren't you? That's the strongest statement of all; why is it never enough? His iinsecurity is based on Stone Age stereotypes about men being the breadwinners and women staying at home to make fire and mop the cave. It's like he's holding your success against you, and that's insulting. I'm sure you've worked hard to get where you are: you went to school, got a good job, earned a nice salary. He should be praising you for your achievements, not selfishly wallowing in his bruised pride and whining about not being good enough for you.

If he feels like an underachiever, that is easily solved. He can go back to school, or work harder so he can get promoted faster, or find a better job, or work two jobs, or take training courses related to his work to expand his skill set. These things take time and/or money, but if his ego is that fragile and he's that intimidated by a successful woman, he can get off his rump and do something about it. Everyone needs an impetus for his ambition, and there's little time to feel sorry for yourself when you're working your ass off.

To answer your question, there is no way you can convince him that he's the one for you. He's going to believe what he's going to believe, and a thousand assurances from you won't rewire his insecure brain. As I said, you are with him, and that should be enough. It's time for him to pull up his drawers and get off the pity pot, or find a high-school dropout to date so he can feel better about himself. You shouldn't have to feel guilty or make excuses for your success.

Applause, Cary! Applause! I've dated this type of guy in my past. He was constantly jealous of my success. Couldn't be happy for me without throwing a pity party for myself. I've also dated men who were secure enough to be thrilled for my triumphs, to strategize new steps for success with me. Guess which one's a lot more fun to have around? Life is short - spend it with someone who can be happy forw you.

Funny Guy says:

In some cultures and counties getting hitched at 23 is no big thang -- but for many, including the culture I grew up in, New York, it is rather young. I got married at 32, to a woman who was 33, by a rabbi who was 173 years old.

I can't categorically tell you that getting married now is a bad idea; it is a very personal decision. But I can tell you that while he is "perfect" for you, you might not be perfect for you - or at least the final version of you.  You're likely going to grow and develop in unforeseen ways over the next several years. Ask a 29 year old if they are the same person they were at 23 and they will likely say, only in some ways. Some things stay the same, some things modify, others thankfully disappear altogether. 

Playing the field, as it pertains to different sexual partners isn't for everyone. Missing out on a buffet of penis won't necessarily haunt you.  But what could be detrimental is not exposing yourself to the dynamics of new relationships (communication, interests, background, vibe). That can be an asset. It can either fortify your initial convictions or show you how "even more perfect" things can be.Before walking down the aisle, walk around the block with your eyes wide open.

There's an old quote on this subject from Paul Hornung that seems fitting: "Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night." Give yourself a few more days and nights to sleep on this before you make up your mind.

That's it for this week - thanks for playing, guys and girls!