Trust the people that know him.

Guys are much nicer to women than they are to other guys. If you want a guide to how he really is, see how he treats women he's not dating. If he's a jerk to them, eventually he'll be a jerk to you.

If not, then he's putting up a front, although that might come with its own problems.

I'm confused - do "people" in general think he's a jerk while his "really good friends" think he's a solid guy? Are strangers on the street - or his best buds - calling out his bad behavior? You know what, it doesn't matter. If he looks like a douche, acts like a douche and purposely "puts up a douchey image" - you've got a douche on your hands. 

Ladies - please try to stop trying to tame wild douches...go on your merry way and let them roam free in Doucheville.

It means that if ever breaks up with his girlfriend, you'd be on deck to take over. Like you're waiting in the wings for your big moment in the starring role of "this dude's girlfriend," hoping his girlfriend fractures her ankle or something and you get to take over and dance the part of the White Swan. (Sorry, just watched "Black Swan." Great movie!) 

Except, there are a couple problems here. One, this guy isn't all that sweet and perfect if he's flirting with another girl behind his girlfriend's back. Is he giving you the vibe that he wants to be with you, or are you reading into how he acts around you? If he's being flirty while in a relationship, you have to ask yourself whether this is a guy you want to be with. Because he would probably do the same thing to you. 

Secondly, why are you waiting around pining for a guy who has a girlfriend? This kind of question comes up a lot, and I only have one thing to say: LIFE IS SHORT. In my younger days, I spent far too much time pining away for girls who either had boyfriends or weren't interested in me. Sometimes we want what we can't have. And sometimes we want what other people have. I get it. But it's also a huge waste of time. 

If he really was meant for you, he'd break up with his girl and then ask you out. Right now, he's either looking to cheat or just enjoys the company of a girl who is clearly into him. Either way, you're going to come out of this with a broken heart. As a fellow nerd, I hereby strip this douche of his nerd status. Tell him to tear up his nerd card, and to toss out his "Dr. Who" DVDs and that tattered first-edition copy of Robert Heinlein's "Starship Troopers" that he found at a flea market. He is no longer invited to join his fellow nerds on Warcraft raids or Wednesday trips to the local comic book store to pick up the latest issue of "Ultimate Spider-Man" until he stops flirting with you behind his girlfriend's back. Chic Geek has spoken! As for you, there are PLENTY of cute, funny, sexy geeks out there who are also single. Go out and find them, and stop wasting your time on this guy.

Sounds like this geek is looking for a side kick, not a leading lady. And lady, you are leading lady material. Get out of his nerdy comic book ASAP and become the hero of your own. Bam! Pow! Kazow!!

GTFO.

This is a perfect example of why I think clean breaks are necessary when a romantic relationship ends. The people who dump us always want to remain friends, but I think that's more about their guilt than anything else. It rarely works; you can't just switch gears from being lovers to being friends at the drop of a hat. It's not that easy. Old feelings remain, as we see with your jealousy of his new girlfriend and his hurt reaction to your de-friending him, and the relationship remains muddy and messy as long as you are in each other's lives.

He dumped you. You should be moving on with your life like he has, not still having misunderstandings and fights with a guy who isn't even your boyfriend anymore. You need time and space to get over the breakup, to become whole and confident and start dating again. That will never happen as long as you have an attachment to him. You will never be fully free to pursue and invest yourself emotionally in new relationships as long as he is still in the picture. Also, having him in your life might scare off potential future mates. We already know what his New Girl thinks about your friendship.

It's noble to try to remain friends, and, yes, some people can pull it off, but they are the exceptions. Your relationship is over. When a tree dies, you don't cut off the branches but leave the dead trunk behind in hopes that it might sprout new growth. It won't. All you'll have is a big dead tree trunk to remind you of what might have been, but wasn't. Cut it down--all of it--and plant something new in its place.

Girl needs to forget about Boy and get her own life. You're only tormenting yourself by trying to be friends with this jerk of a Boy (he dumped you, remember?) and his hostile New Girl. Cary's right - sometimes it's OK to be friends with your exes, but time is required for wounds to heal and calluses to form. From the comments it sounds like you've taken Cary's advice, cut off contact and moved on. You go, Girl!

Ain't nature a son-of-a bitch? Here she goes and gives you perfectly lovely breasts - "pretty nice boobs," in fact, and then has the balls to place them a wee bit further from each other than you'd like. It's like having gorgeous aqua green eyes, only problem is they are a 1/2 inch apart, or the world's most handsome penis, but dangling from your calf. Why universe? Why bless us with these fantastic items and then fall just short on location?!

Getting "no cleavage" is often an issue for girls with small breasts. They, unlike you, don't have the mounds to even try to push or shove. I'm not sure quite how far apart you're talking about. Are they tucked under your armpits? Probably not. Perhaps they are not your ideal; perhaps they are not today's magazine pic of ideal, but I think most guys won't have huge issues with it. 

Of course, if you are talking about the sex act politely known as 'titty-f*cking', sure it might provide a little challenge. But how many minutes of your life are you really going to commit to titty-f*cking? 22? 45 tops?

A dose of healthy self-esteem, coupled with a push-up bra (if you wish) is all you really need for day-to-day life and dating. Don't worry if you can't hold a pen between your chest. Your boobs aren't meant to sign checks or add numbers. Enjoy your peaks and the wide valley. If a man wants you to have a narrower canyon tell him it wouldn't even be an issue if he had a thicker donkey.

All you need, my dear, is a gift card to Victoria's Secret. (Or TJ Maxx, even.) One bra solves all. Don't you wish every problem was so easy to fix? 

Believe it or not, there was a time in young Panama's life when he absolutely talked himself out of approaching not one, but two women. I had completely convinced myself that these two women were out of my league. Which is interesting considering how outwardly gregarious I am. Most people who know me don't believe that there is anybody I won't approach or talk to.

For one of these young ladies in particular, I remember the first time I saw her...which was also the first time she saw me as we "met" in the most interesting way possible. When I say met, I mean "became aware of one another" because I was telling my boy how banging she was but he couldn't figure out who I was talking to. So I had to point at her. She saw me pointing...then smiled at me. I smiled back, embarrassed, but the connection oddly enough was made. And for three years after that (this happened in college) we did this odd dance of noticing one another but never speaking. Which obviously was on me. She was the woman; me being shy and afraid definitely didn't propel her to make any moves.

We never fully met until years later but by then I'd moved on. But all of that hesitation was because I'd determined that she wouldn't take a chance on me. I counted myself out before she had a chance to. Which was ridiculous but it happens all of the time. And at the end of the day, we're all just people. We could have met and determined we hated each other. Or fell in love and gotten married. Who knows? I'm not a dweller so I don't worry about such things. But the fact that I let that happen to me frustrated me for a long time.

Point is, I wonder how many women and men talk themselves right out of meeting a quality person because of their own insecurities? 

Read Panama's full and fascinating post on the link above. I agree. It takes guts, but you should always go for the gold, whether you feel like an amateur or a pro. It's great to take chances on "out of my league" players. Just be sure you're mentally and emotionally prepared if you don't make the cut. With a little self-esteem and a lot of "What have I got to lose?" you'll do just fine. 

Neither. Go for gut. It ain't romantic, but neither am I. Heart is all about grand yet ultimately futile gestures. Head is about living your life the best you can assuming you can foresee everything. Gut deals with the here and now, and is more likely to be right in the long run.

Everyone regrets actions taken and actions not taken. One of the joys of being alive in a strange and wonderful world, and you'll not be immune from them.  Above my desk is one of those tacky china plates with a quote on it that I look at every day.

"Accept the pain, cherish the joys, resolve the regrets; then can come the best of benedictions - "If I had my life to live over again, I'd do it all the same."

And two things I do know that might help you through: If you are ever 100% certain about something, well, you are most likely wrong.

If the idea of something scares the pants off you, it is probably the most rewarding course of action.

I need one of those plates! Another bit of advice that might help: you don't have to decide everything rightthisverysecond. Don't push yourself to make a decision until you're ready. Hopefully when you've found the right guy, your head, heart and gut will align in perfect harmony - and digestion.

That's it for this week. Thanks for playing, guys and girls!