You've been dating for a while, one of you spends all of your time over at his or her apartment anyway, and it seems silly to pay rent when you could just share a space and be together all the time. Congratulations.
Now fill out this checklist if you want any prayer of this actually working.
1) Who Brings What and Who Throws Out What?
One person living in an apartment is very different from two. Even if you think you've stripped down your life to the bare essentials, you'll still be shifting a lot of crap. So decide ahead of time what you're keeping and what you're putting on Freecycle, and weed out your media: take books to the used bookstore, rip and sell your CDs, rip and sell your movies, and so on. If you have a huge collection of something, consider selling part of it or putting some of it in storage somewhere.
2) How Are You Decorating?
Trust me, this will come up, even if you both say you don't care. Oh, you'll care all right, when they make a decision you don't like. So avoid fights and agree early on on what is and isn't acceptable and where it's acceptable. And no, neither of you is allowed to take over almost the entire apartment and leave one tiny space for the other to express themselves.
3) Who's Paying For What?
You both need bills in your name: when establishing identity for, say, local government, it's important to have that, and it also keeps the financial burden somewhat evenly spread. Decide ahead of time who's covering what utility. Otherwise, one person may start to resent the other after they pay $500 in utilities and the other is buying useless crap.
4) Who's Cleaning What?
Finally, we come to this discussion, and it's way more important than you may think.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, ruins a good relationship faster than a passive-aggressive approach to cleaning the apartment. By which I mean you try to get the other person to do something by not doing it and complaining about how it's not clean. Spend a week with a person you don't love doing that, and it'll make you homicidal.
You don't need a carefully laid out Google calendar or anything, but you do need an understanding of what's going to get done and when. Try to fairly divide daily tasks like doing the dishes and weekly ones, like scrubbing the bathroom. That way, the place stays clean and you don't resent each other.
How about you, gentle reader? Any thoughts on making a move-in work?
re: the bills, shouldnt they all be evenly split between the two rather than one person paying for electric and the other water?
The money can be evenly split: some care, some don't. But each of you should have your name on at least one bill.
I agree. For me, for instance, cable is a lot more expensive than electricity is a lot more expensive than water. Etc. I feel like anything other than a 50/50 split, assuming both people can afford that, isn't fair.
Wow. This is crazy that was posted today because my boyfriend and I have been discussing living together since we are both in college and need new places in the fall. What other considerations would there be for a situation like that?
Well, the key thing is: how committed are you guys? Keep in mind, moving in together isn't just a savings: you'll be tying your lives together pretty closely. That can be a good thing or a terrible thing.
This is a good list. Consider the following as well when splitting finances:
Split up based on percentage. For example, if he makes 70K per year and she makes 30K per year, then the bills can be split 70/30 or some other way where the higher paid person pays a higher percentage of the bills/rent etc.
This should be thoroughly discussed in advance and even put on paper. I think it is a good plan because it keeps the burden equal among partners. If my partner makes more he might want a more expensive lifestyle and this way, I don't feel burdened by paying for 50% of that. But yet, I still contribute my share.
I would also say, if at all possible, try and find a brand new place together rather than move into the others established place. I think it will give each partner an equal sense of ownership.
What happens if you let your guy move in with you
& he totally does nothing , no cleaning , no
Cooking , no buying anything , food , or your everyday
Supplies needed to live , and will not pay half
The bills :( not one thing in his name & wants to be
Totally waited on & served & cleaned up after ??
Not even so much as pick his dirty clothes up or
his nasty cigarette butts off garage floor , or ground
Outside ??? when I ask why he won't clean up
his mess or buy anything , his response is , he does not
Feel like it !! Also, he gives the excuse that he has not worked
that much during the time we have been together ,
3 & 1/2 years ... Any advise ???
Yeah. If he's got nothing in his name (I assume this includes the lease), he only legally lives there at your discretion. You can throw him out any time you feel like it. I recommend you do so.
Yeah, get a new boyfriend. Seriously.
Thanks :)
Such a good point about decorating. I mention this to my boyfriend for when we talk about moving in together and his response is "Well you'll have your space, I'll have mine." OK, that works if we both have man caves, but what about everything else!
The man runs the house financially, and the woman runs everything else. That's how it should be done.
Not that I'd know, since my mom makes me do all the housework until I get out of high school.
I'm not going to call troll on this right away, even though I highly, HIGHLY suspect it. Some people prefer a more "traditional" arrangement, though in practice I don't know how many relationships really get devided so severely, probably only in the most fundamental of households. But if two people who already have their own places, and are presumably paying for them with money that they earn (as so many couples in the 21st century do) than the woman has her own income to manage, and if both parties are managing incomes than both should share in the responsibility of the household. And please consider, that with inflation and the current economy it is difficult for many families to sustain themselves on a single income, so it becomes more and more likely every day that both people will need to work. And consider if your wife or girlfriend HAS to work is it really fair to expect her to not only turn over the control of her finances to her partner AND take on the second full time jib of being Ailey responsible for the home?
*second full time job of being soley responsible for the household.
Nope, Corey's a troll. He's usually all over this site every few weeks, trying to annoy us by spouting anti-Semitism. Then we point out he's obviously still in high school and he gets all upset. It's kinda funny, really.
You know your a good site when you have a dedicated troll who everyone else hates. And Corey grow up, if you said that to my face I would smack you upside the head. (PS he's probably mad that he can't get a date who will make him a sandwich, sexist jerk.)
There's everything sexist about my comment. I'll break it down in layman's terms. I'm sure you ladies on this site understand what that means better than I do, but my ego won't tolerate anything with a vagina being smarter than I am, which is unfortunate since I'm regularly outwitted by a Chihuahua. Here it goes anyway: I'm too lazy to learn how to maintain myself as a basic human being, so I want a woman to do that for me!
Then go find a different site if that's what your looking for and leave us alone.
Go away. Come back when you're 18.
Actually, don't.
Hahahaha!
Not that I have any experience with this, but I wonder if you should also have a discussion about free time away from the other person. I mean, you do have free time apart now, since you're not living together, but once you do move in will there be an expectation that you'll spend all your free time together or not. Or will you still be able to hang with your other friends separately...like a girl's night out or a guy's poker night.
Well I'm going to move in with my bf soon.. We're dividing the rent.. However he doesn't like to do dishes but honestly I don't care.. I actually like to clean.
Make an agreement up first so you won't have a "I didn't say that/ you never mentioned that" argument, if you have a source document (informal of course) then you and you live-in boy/girlfriend know exactly what you are getting into.
Setting boundaries is important, too. I'm a pretty solitary person, and my boyfriend is VERY snuggly, and I love that, but I need my own space to be myself in. That's why I told him that if we ever lived together with other roommates, I'd want my own room.