I recently came across an article penned by Tracy McMillan on The Huffington Post entitled, "Why You're Not Married." It's a paint-by-numbers list of reasons that explains why women - who allegedly all want to be married - can't seem to find a husband. There is nothing particularly groundbreaking or insightful about her list. It's a standard of list of character flaws that drive men away.
She explains (in much further detail) that being selfish, a liar, a slut, a b*tch, shallow, or just plain not good enough are reasons that women can't find a husband. If you polled 1,000 men and women and asked them what characteristics were most likely to keep women single, I'd wager that all six would show up pretty frequently.
But one thing about her article jumped right out at me.
How? It basically comes down to this: I've been married three times. Yes, three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister's son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.
I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married.
Holy rusted metal, Batman. She's been married THREE times? In today's day and age? How is that even possible?
Those are all questions I asked myself.
See, being apart of a world where relationship discussions run rampant, one of the most common issues it seems that many women have is finding a man to commit to them period. And I'm not talking marriage; I'm talking exclusivity. I can't tell you how many women I know who can't seem to find one man to be faithful to them. It's the current relationship rally cry, where are the men that want to get married?!
Well apparently they're marrying the same women. Taking turns of course. No Big Love. This woman got three different men to want to marry her and somehow that seems like an accomplishment even though the marriages didn't last. How jaded are we when that's the first thing that jumps out.
In my own life, I know multiple women, all under age 33, who have managed to be married more than once. All attractive but something about them just made the marriage material. I know plenty of great women who can't find a man to save their lives, and here I know other great women who are somehow being the kind of women that men just want to marry, even wtih kids, etc.
Hell, instead of writing an article about why these chicks aren't married, she'd do well to write an article about what makes her marriage material. I'm guessing it's not just NOT being any of those things on her list. Some women just possess wifely attributes that men pick up on. But here's the thing, I have no idea what a wifely attribute is. Sure being able to cook and maintain a household are great, but what about a certain woman's character makes a man willing to take that leap...
...numerous times with the same woman. I wish I could look at my friends who've been married multiple times and say I knew what it was but I don't. They're great women, thru and thru. But I know lots of great women.
The only thing I can come up with is this: some women were just born knowing how to get married, as Tracy McMillan says. Those women just are just the kind that men want to marry.
They have the mojo, the "thing".
Now, if somebody could just show them how to STAY married.
Getting divorced three times is not an accomplishment. I would rather simply never marry.
yes..staying married is the key..Some people fall in love and dont realize that its much more than what you see, its everything that you dont see. The part that you really have to Love for BETTER or WORSE.. And its really the worse part that gets the best of married people..bout time you finish going through the worst part you dont want to stick around for the BETTER part.. Its funny how that works out but sad to say, "It is what it is."...She should learn to weather the storm and stick around for the sunshine.....she might have better luck.. and if that doest work she should just pray to God for some help..ASAP
My mother has been married EIGHT times..... she "knows how to get married" too...she changes her entire personality and lifestyle to meet what the next errr, husband (I almost said victim) wants in a woman. She literally BECOMES the "perfect woman" in that man's eyes.....but she can't keep it up forever, thus the SEVEN divorces.
I have met a number of women who are "good at getting married" and have been married more than twice. I know one woman who was married SEVEN times. Twice I can see.... the women I know who have been married three or more times, though, tend to be relatively manipulative and act a little bit like sociopaths. It's easy to get married. You find a man who feels he needs a certain type of woman in his life. You become said woman. At some point, the man realizes he was duped and that you are crazy. Divorce occurs. Wash, rinse, repeat. OR! You could be yourself, enjoy the men who are attracted to that, and if no one proposes by the time you hit 36, you can always adopt :)
I think I can answer this.
Men are really turned off by women whose sole goal and purpose in life is to "get married." They try to avoid being trapped in a relationship with a controlling, demanding and desperate woman whose only intent- in his eyes - is to take his money and freedom away. They don't marry a woman who spends all of her time chasing him around, checking up on him, worrying about what HE's doing, making accusations, being jealous. - they are terrified of being stuck with a "psycho chick."
Men want the woman who makes him wonder what SHE's doing when he's not there. Men want the woman who, if he DOESN'T marry her, can easily walk away because she has other options (she's not pinning her whole life on HIM). They want to marry a woman who is happy and positive. They want a woman who has a life of her own and doesn't waste a minute trying to "get" him to do anything. A man will often marry this kind of a woman to keep her all to himself - because she's usually in fairly high demand. And when a man decides to marry it's because it's his idea, not hers.
I know a woman who was married three times. And all three of her husbands cheated on her.