The directions for finding your special someone do not exist. No winning blueprint or guaranteed sequence of actions. Some find their mates standing in the same line at the bank, some find their mates robbing the same bank - some fall in love with the teller, but never tell her. Many find their partner through set ups or the wild and wonderful world of online dating
In the recent past I've spoken to the effectiveness of online dating -- not that it always works, but that every time you doll up, slap on the extra special cologne and head out of your apartment you're giving yourself the opportunity to find Mr. or Mrs. Awesome. I still believe that, but I am adding an important qualification that can improve overall chances.
Sometimes the best date you can go on is with no one.
Dating takes a clear mind and a good attitude; instead of agreeing to be set up with Sal your co-workers recently paroled cousin, or your friend's, housemate's friend, Bonnie the herpetic hamster breeder, take the night off.
If the dude you're dragging your ass out of your apartment for has no actual chance of being your future main squeeze, then skip it. If you're brushing your teeth, looking in the mirror before a date and your mind keeps flipping through the whack email exchanges with this guy - skip it. And Dudes, if you can't pick out the girl you're about to meet from a line up of 5 women, i.e. every profile pic of the girl is so distorted, cropped and obscured you literally have no clue who you are about to greet- skip it.
Dater, think of your dating life in terms of basketball fundamentals: shoot when you're open, pass when you're not. Take your time, stay focused and make smart choices. All too often men and women date like they are on fire and a wolf is chomping at their heels. It's mindless binge dating where the initial objective becomes blurry and they wind up doing more harm then good to themselves.
Co-workers and friends, trudge out for a cocktail on a rainy Tuesday at 11pm knowing in every fiber that they are not about to meet their knight in shining armor, but some shiny faced asswipe. Pass and enjoy a quiet night in shining pajamas.
That's the key: Save your energy, your wit, beauty and magic for someone that fits the bill. Otherwise you are short changing yourself and adding extra fouls to an already tough game.
Ahh, been doing this for years. Mighty glad I did. :)
This was such a great read, FG! Thanks!
But you have to be aware that every time you do not go on a date, you might be missing an opportunity: to get to know a wonderful person (even if there is no chemistry between you at all), have a nice evening with someone to distract you from everyday sorrows, or at least to learn something about yourself.
”…your mind keeps flipping through the whack email exchanges with this guy - skip it” -What he said!!!
Thank you!! I've always done this and people always try to make me feel bad about not taking chances. I feel I'm a good judge of character, why struggle through a date with someone I know I'm not interested in just on the off chance I missed something? Great post!
That was well put, and food for thought.
I like the way you think!
I agree. I've dated people on the basis of why not give it a shot and it never turned out to be worth it. Now that I found someone I'm truly compatible with, i always wonder why I bothered when truly I knew deep down things weren't going to work out with those people.
Yeah!
It was tough to hold out over other people's comments though ("Why are you still single?", "You're so picky!", etc.), but now that they see how wonderful my boyfriend is (after 27 years of waiting), they backed off and are now amazed how I have landed me a great person (and are now asking what the heck I did to find myself a good match).
Not to say it's been smooth-sailing with our relationship and since he's my first bf, I'm still learning a lot about relationships. The best part though is that there's certainly trust between us and I know our love could stand above all the challenges. (My optimism brings me where I need to be!)
I guess it's a lot about believing there really is someone right for you then doing the necessary stuff so you'd meet this person and accepting him in your life knowing you deserve the best and you deserve to be happy. That being said, I narrowed my options. Kept the jerks, the a-holes and the drama kings away; saved my heart from total heartbreak; taught me to respect myself; and earned me the trust of people around me. The guys who came and went are now reminders of how much I learned about the opposite sex, while those who came and stayed are really good friends of mine until now.
And by the way, I still go out on dates with myself. :)