We've got trouble. Right here in GuySpeak city. Trouble with a capital 'T' that rhymes with B that stands for Bad Girls. Bad girls who don't feel guilty about being the other woman, shady ladies who get pregnant by men-who-aren't-their-boyfriends, sniffling sisters holding a candle for old flames and femmes scared by the ghost of boyfriends' past. Plus there's Reformed Player, creeping out his own lady. It's time for GuySpeak's Best of the Week!

I am the other woman and I don't have any guilt. I enjoy having a FWB even though he's in a relationship. Do I really need to stop?

Mystery Man says:
No you really don't need to stop. Aside from one factor it sounds like an ideal situation. You guys both like casual sex and are providing it for each other. Unfortunately, the person who he's in a relationship with may not be too happy with your arrangement. These kinds of situations often end up with someone being left with bruises, scratch marks and broken bones. If you think you can "take" the other person, keep it up. Otherwise, be careful.

Gal Pal says:
Mystery Man stirred up quite the comment war over this answer. I'm not going to pick sides (I don't have that much body weight to throw around). But I do have a question for the lady: If he's only a FWB for you and not the star of your universe - couldn't you find another FWB who's not engaged in holy matrimony? You seem pretty confident; it shouldn't be hard for you to find a new f-buddy. He seems pretty sleazy; it shouldn't be hard for him to find another mistress. Also, I suggest listening to "Jolene" by Dolly Parton on heavy rotation if you want that guilt to kick in.

Is it weird to stare at your girlfriend while she sleeps?

Reformed Player says:

I tried this once and had to write this letter to my girlfriend apologizing:

I'm sorry for startling you this morning. I know how it looked. You have every right to be creeped out. It's just that I woke up before you. Then I got back into bed and... stared at you. Which is what I was doing when you woke up. You were not pleased. I apologize.

Let me just clear the air a little. No, I'm not a troll. I was not trying to steal your breath. No, I'm not a serial killer sizing up whether I could make a baseball mitt from your face. But I couldn't help myself. You were glowing. Not the proverbial deer hypnotized by the headlights of a car racing towards it. It was more like... awe. How could a goon like me be laying next to such a quiet miracle of a woman? Milky skin, soft lips, and divine curves? For that moment, your breath was the universe's metronome. And all I could think was "Jeez, am a lucky bastard or what?"

There are fleeting moments in a man's life when he is blessed with a certain clarity. When he can clearly see what is valuable in life. All he can do is stare and quietly thank God or Vishnu or Zeus or sheer, stupid luck, that he gets to at least warm his grizzled face with its light. I love you. You were my personal sunrise this morning; thanks for the tan.

Gal Pal says:
I've got no beef with a guy staring at me while I sleep. (Especially if he writes me an apologetic love note like John's after the fact.) But he better be making pancakes while he's staring and drooling on me. I take blueberry.

My BF of four years broke up with me. But the next time I saw him we both cried, he said he was sorry, he told me he still cared about me (not like that), we talked, we laughed, we licked ice cream. Is there hope? 

Gal Pal Note: This was a double dip question that earned two very different answers from Michael and Cary!

Funny Guy says:

If there's one thing long-term relationships do, it's fall apart, then get back together, then fall apart, then get back together again. So in that sense, sure, there's hope--the hope of a complicated, jarring emotional roller coaster, which is the best most of us can hope for anyway.

But make no mistake: you got dumped. While guys have been known to immediately regret decisions (mostly involving women or the IHOP appetizer menu), we've also been known to buy ice cream out of guilt, or try to parley a breakup into a friends with benefits situation.

My advice would be to take some time, figure out if the relationship was really working for you, what caused the breakup, whether you want to invest energy in someone who dumped you, and plan from there. If you still want to get back together at that point, then let the hunt begin. The quarry? The most dangerous game of all: man. The prize? His dongle.

Gal Pal says:
I like the measured hopefulness of Michael's answer! It's very true that relationships have their ups and downs and people can always change their minds. But I'm not going to choose my own Guy Speak adventure until I read Cary's advice. Which is ...

Wise-Ass says:

No, I don't think so. I wish I did, but I don't. What you're seeing is his guilt. Of course he cares about you; four years is a long time. I'm sure he is sorry, but that doesn't mean he wants to get back together. He's sorry it didn't work out and that you are heartbroken.

He's had four years to decide if you are right for him -- more than enough time. When a guy comes to you after that much time and says he's thought about it and decided there's no future, believe him. Just because he cries and you two share some laughs and a Nutty Buddy doesn't mean he thinks he made the wrong decision. It means he's trying to be kind to you and ease the blow. I bet he even said something like, "You deserve better." He's right.

Even if he comes back to you and says he's changed his mind, be wary. I'd hate to see you get hit with the same bombshell twice.

Gal Pal says:
Less hopeful. More realistic. Let's face it, guys are pussy(cats). They can't stand to see us cry, so they wimp out and buy us frozen desserts instead of what they really want to buy - which is a one-way ticket out of our lives. Cary for the win on this one.

Is it weird to ask a guy about his past relationships?

Girl's BFF says:

I don't think so. In fact, it's only natural to ask him about his past relationships. In further fact, it's weird to not ask about them.

Now of course, there is a time and a place for everything. On a first date? Not really the best time to ask what tanked all of his previous relationships and if anybody ever attempted to murder him because of his cheating ways. I think the best time to start asking about the past is after a few dates and you realize that you may want to consider dating this guy on a more serious level. Beware the guy that is very elusive when it comes to talking about his past or makes you feel guilty for wanting to know more.

You know what it is weird to ask about? Squirrels.

Gal Pal says:
I know Panama's right, but I completely sympathize with this girl. Women are told never, ever to focus on past relationships, not to get jealous about things we can't control, not to grill the guy we're dating with too many questions. So we're afraid to bring these things up without seeming psycho or obsessed or green-eyed with jealousy.

But you know what ladies? I think we've been duped into playing it cool and not asking the important questions. Time to change that, starting today. Anybody want to go in on a polygraph machine?

I'm pregnant and I know the baby is not my boyfriend's. I don't want to hurt him, but I want to raise the baby with him. Should I even tell him it's not his?

Chic Geek says:

Of course you should tell him it's not his. Why is not telling him even an option? Did I just fall into "opposite dimension," where everyone does the opposite of what they should do? Not telling him that you're carrying some other guy's baby is about the worst thing you can do. What, are you going to wait until the baby's born and hope it works out when he realizes that it looks nothing like him? It's moments like these when I worry about the future of human civilization.

You have to tell him immediately. Did you cheat on him? He'd probably like to know that as well. Where's the baby's actual father? Why aren't you telling him? Why is your boyfriend getting saddled with a kid that isn't his responsibility? Why does the other guy get a "get out of baby daddy jail free card" so he can go impregnate other girls all the while unaware that he has a son or daughter on the way? Why did you put yourself in this situation? These are all things you need to consider.

Have you considered adoption? (I assume getting an abortion is no longer an option?) It doesn't sound like you're bringing a child into a healthy environment. Might be something to consider.

Gal Pal says:
Calm down, everybody. The baby's mine. (Sorry, inappropriate. See Nick's very appropriate advice about not keeping the baby if you don't have the emotional maturity to care for another human.) I think I'm going to name him Guyspeakius.

Thanks for playing, guys and girls!