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Hey! Where did everybody go?

Oh, there you are. Let's try again.

I think that successful relationships are achievable if we all follow a simple formula or are able to attain the 5 A's of a relationship. Most of us bring so much baggage in from various relationships that it's difficult, but with this handy dandy handy helper (no Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) we can all heal the world and make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race.

True dat.

To the five!

1. Acceptance

The hardest part of dealing with somebody else is to fully embrace and accept them for who they are. We all want people to be who we want them to be. We also rarely ever encounter anybody who manages to pull that off. If you're going to truly be in it to win it with somebody, you've got to be able to accept them as they are, flaws and all. Beyoncé. Now that's not to say that you can't suggest that perhaps they grow in areas where they could use some improvement (same for you), but it does mean that you have to realize that who they are is who they are and that should be good enough. Unless they are a murderer. In which case, tread lightly.

2. Acknowledgment

You know how at the end of movies and books and stuff, people who have contributed in order to make a good product get the credit they deserve? Relationships are just like that. The more you can acknowledge the good deeds your partner has done, the more they will do good deeds. People like doing things that they're good at doing. The more positive you are, the more positive you all will be. I'm sure Socrates said that when George Bush was President or something. Either way, its a theoretical fact.

3. Appetite

Even if you're not humping eachother daily, you still have to have some sort of sexual appetite for one another. Attraction, however it is achieved, be it mental (long haul) or physical (short run) is paramount to a successful relationship. Once the desire for the other person leaves, the relationship is doomed to cold nights and longing for days of yore. After all, your degrees won't keep you warm at night.

4. Amusement

You gots to have fun together. Peroid. Even if the two of you are the most boring people known to man, as long as the things that you two do together amuse you, then voila. The ability to laugh together keeps people young. Laughter is the cure for at least 98 percent of all ailments (still doesn't cure AIDS, fatface, or toejam). Truly enjoying the company and being able to laugh with your significant other will ensure the ability to last for eons. When the laughter stops, the tears start. Unless you're laughing so hard you're crying. In which case, keep on keeping on.

5. Assist

One of the most vital parts of any relationship is knowing that your partner has your best interests in mind. When you know they have your back and won't sell you out or make you look bad for personal gain, the security can keep you, well, secure for a long time. Women tend to look for security in life and men look for peace of mind. They're really one and the same thing and both start with the having of eachother's backs at all times. Assisting can also mean sharing and being vulnerable. Not that anybody has to be all mush all the time, but knowing the right time to let down the guard for the other person? Priceless.

Unlike divorce. Priceful.

Follow these five A's and hopefully you'll never find out if it's really cheaper to keep her. Or what it feels like to be single and 47, ladies.

Love 40.