Hey team,
Last Sunday, I, your friendly neighborhood Mystery Man, had a Live Chat on Facebook so that I could answer questions in real time. And answer I did. Ladies wrote in with some great questions and I spent two hours doing my best to keep up.
To keep the love going a little bit longer, I thought I'd share some of my favorite questions (and answers) from last week. So here they are!
The Best Of The Mystery Man Live Chat:
Jessica: Are guys usually able to tell if a girl likes them, or are they pretty clueless about it?
Mystery Man: Hi Jessica! The biggest mistake a lady can make with men they know is to assume that they can read your feelings. When men deal with other men, they're used to very direct communication. A guy knows if another guy likes him or hates his guts. Because men are used to this kind of directness, we're not nearly as good at picking up on subtlety. So, in short, never assume men know that you like them unless you've specifically told them so.
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Shelley: Seems like the older I get, the more space I want and men want less...
Mystery Man: Hi Shelley! I don't think that feeling is a rare one. The older someone gets, the more they get set in their ways. They like the things they like, they hate the things they hate, they want to spend time on what's important and less time on what's not important. When people meet and date young, there's a greater chance of compromise and "Growing Together." When folks are older, they need to find someone that has most of the same priorities, or it will feel like the relationship is an imposition. So don't worry about feeling this way. Most folks do! - MM
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Lori: Hi, MM.... I know there isn't a magic number, but how long can a woman make a man wait for sex without him feeling unwanted or frustrated? I'd like to make him wait as long as possible, to gauge whether he's a "hit-and-quit" man or actually likes me. I'm referring to men in their 30's, if that makes any difference.
Mystery Man: Hi Lori! You're right about the magic number. It doesn't exist. Every guy is different, and wants different things. You need to really scrutinize a guy during that first date or two to see if he's interested in getting to know you, or just looking for some action. It's actually easier to do this nowadays (in an age of Facebook and overlapping social groups) than in decades past. So don't focus on the number of dates so much as the "amount of information you have on the guy" before you make the decision. Don't worry about their feelings. I'd rather you focus on your needs and comfort than theirs. Especially since a guy is willing to wait a while (even guys in their 30s) for a woman he likes. - MM
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Katie: I have a FWB situation with this guy for the past 2 years and anytime he hears that I'm going on dates he gets mad and breaks things off. Then we start up again like nothing happened. Why does he do this?
Mystery Man: Hi Katie! I think the answer is selfishness. He doesn't want the full commitment of a relationship, but wants you "on call" and untouched by other guys. He wants you all to himself but isn't putting in the work. This situation isn't going to change until you talk to him about it. If you want the FWB situation to continue, you need to tell him that you're going to date guys from time to time and, eventually, may need to break things off with him if it gets serious with someone else. He needs to be fine with that. If not, you're going to have to deal with his anger and moodiness every time you go out on a date. And that's going to become a strain, if it hasn't already. - MM
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High speed answers, delivered in real time. I had so much fun that I think I'll do it again. So stay tuned and I'll give everyone fair warning as to when the next Mystery Man Live Chat will be!
As for now, do keep writing in to me and the other guys. It's what we live for!
Last Sunday, I, your friendly neighborhood Mystery Man, had a Live Chat on Facebook so that I could answer questions in real time. And answer I did. Ladies wrote in with some great questions and I spent two hours doing my best to keep up.
To keep the love going a little bit longer, I thought I'd share some of my favorite questions (and answers) from last week. So here they are!
The Best Of The Mystery Man Live Chat:
Jessica: Are guys usually able to tell if a girl likes them, or are they pretty clueless about it?
Mystery Man: Hi Jessica! The biggest mistake a lady can make with men they know is to assume that they can read your feelings. When men deal with other men, they're used to very direct communication. A guy knows if another guy likes him or hates his guts. Because men are used to this kind of directness, we're not nearly as good at picking up on subtlety. So, in short, never assume men know that you like them unless you've specifically told them so.
----------
Shelley: Seems like the older I get, the more space I want and men want less...
Mystery Man: Hi Shelley! I don't think that feeling is a rare one. The older someone gets, the more they get set in their ways. They like the things they like, they hate the things they hate, they want to spend time on what's important and less time on what's not important. When people meet and date young, there's a greater chance of compromise and "Growing Together." When folks are older, they need to find someone that has most of the same priorities, or it will feel like the relationship is an imposition. So don't worry about feeling this way. Most folks do! - MM
----------
Lori: Hi, MM.... I know there isn't a magic number, but how long can a woman make a man wait for sex without him feeling unwanted or frustrated? I'd like to make him wait as long as possible, to gauge whether he's a "hit-and-quit" man or actually likes me. I'm referring to men in their 30's, if that makes any difference.
Mystery Man: Hi Lori! You're right about the magic number. It doesn't exist. Every guy is different, and wants different things. You need to really scrutinize a guy during that first date or two to see if he's interested in getting to know you, or just looking for some action. It's actually easier to do this nowadays (in an age of Facebook and overlapping social groups) than in decades past. So don't focus on the number of dates so much as the "amount of information you have on the guy" before you make the decision. Don't worry about their feelings. I'd rather you focus on your needs and comfort than theirs. Especially since a guy is willing to wait a while (even guys in their 30s) for a woman he likes. - MM
----------
Katie: I have a FWB situation with this guy for the past 2 years and anytime he hears that I'm going on dates he gets mad and breaks things off. Then we start up again like nothing happened. Why does he do this?
Mystery Man: Hi Katie! I think the answer is selfishness. He doesn't want the full commitment of a relationship, but wants you "on call" and untouched by other guys. He wants you all to himself but isn't putting in the work. This situation isn't going to change until you talk to him about it. If you want the FWB situation to continue, you need to tell him that you're going to date guys from time to time and, eventually, may need to break things off with him if it gets serious with someone else. He needs to be fine with that. If not, you're going to have to deal with his anger and moodiness every time you go out on a date. And that's going to become a strain, if it hasn't already. - MM
----------
High speed answers, delivered in real time. I had so much fun that I think I'll do it again. So stay tuned and I'll give everyone fair warning as to when the next Mystery Man Live Chat will be!
As for now, do keep writing in to me and the other guys. It's what we live for!
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