This is mildly sarcastic. Not so much to the lady who sent the question, but to my thought processes when reading a long question for answering. For the lady in question, skip to the last paragraph.
A lady recently dropped us an email. Now this is something that tends to get gently discouraged or simply ignored - oddly enough we all have lives of our own to lead too, and the shorter questions tend to be more appreciated anyway. But, for once, what is the harm in seeing how an answer evolves from the original question.
Hey guys, I need some advice, and mostly just to let a bit of hurt out. Oh Crap! Can someone else take this please! It ain't gonna end well. Been nice twice this week already! Nick? (No, it is your turn - NN)
I was friends with a guy for about two years, and best friends for about 9 months, we did everything together. Then, he developed feelings for me and asked me out. I originally said no, because I didn't want to risk our friendship, but then I was convinced to give it a try, so I did. A lay in the hand is worth two in the future, after all.
And he was so happy, and so in love with me, telling me I'm the most amazing person in the world, and the most important person in his life. Things were great for about 6 months, until I started having some family problems and I needed him to be there for me, and it was as though it was too much effort. Look lady, I AM male. I know guys are jerks. You just rang my dickwad alert here. We practice it and everything ...
Also, when we started dating his friends stopped bothering to invite him out and tell him what they were doing, and this became a big issue. I supported him and helped him through the time when all his friends were being horrible to him pretty much. Hmmm - gotta think about who his friends stopped inviting out.
Then, I went away for a month, on a family holiday. Oh, hell, I gotta book my holiday! Back in a minute.
Things were wonderful before I left, he took me to the airport, took me out before I left and was just wonderful. We emailed every few days and he called me a few times (it was long distance and very expensive). OK, that is pretty cool.
Then, when I get back, he doesn't even call me the day I get back, I see him when I go to university, and I ask him if he's going to come visit and he says "hmm I think i'm going to my friends house so I'll see " ( again, I haven't seen him for a month). He has found someone else to knock knees with.
From here, things start going down hill.. All of a sudden he says he's not feeling it, he had fun while I was gone, because he could stay over at his friends houses and didn't have to pick me up and take me places. He would ignore me when we went out, decided we must pretend not to know each other at university (we do the same course), didn't even want to touch me it seemed, would speak to me like crap and treat me like crap in general. HELLO, get out of your damned coma of romance here! That reminds me - what is for dinner?
But, when I asked why we didn't just end it, he'd say know it's just a phase, give me time, I don't want to break up, I'm not feeling it, but we're gonna be together for another year or so, this is long term, blah blah, you get my drift? Ah - he has moved you to second string Sally.
So, I ended it. It wasn't fair on me. Hello, someone grew a spine!
Now, he's acting like he's the one that got hurt, changing his fb and saying things and doing things that he knows are hurting me, and if I see him out and look the slightest bit upset, he'll make comments like "oh well I guess I have to leave now." Sounds like he got offended about the suddenly grown spine. Bloody pathetic little wuss.
I just think it's so childish, and I don't understand how he could let go of me so easily, and all his friends keep saying he's still hurt and it's hard for him to be around me, but he wanted it to end, so why should he be hurt? And as for me, I'm actually hurt, and still very sad about it, but I think I'm doing better, I just don't know how to move on. Find someone decent, for your sake.
I have to see him everyday, which can't be helped, but I did remove him off fb after the hurtful things, and deleted his number... It's just that every time I see him this confusion of the hurt and sadness, but still wanting to be with the person that loved me in the beginning comes back and i don't know how to handle it. You guys got any advice? :( OK, MM - time to earn your pay, and remember, you can't kick the crap out of this guy, no matter how much you wish to.
Answer
He never loved you. So what is the problem? Liked you, yes. Enjoyed your company - probably. The pathetic little weasel can't cope with being dumped for cause, and is trying to make you feel like crap. Thus far, he is succeeding.
Stop being dumb and playing his game. Get yer a*s out and find someone decent.
And this time - decide if he is friend or f*ckable and stick to it.
Thanks for playing!
A lady recently dropped us an email. Now this is something that tends to get gently discouraged or simply ignored - oddly enough we all have lives of our own to lead too, and the shorter questions tend to be more appreciated anyway. But, for once, what is the harm in seeing how an answer evolves from the original question.
Hey guys, I need some advice, and mostly just to let a bit of hurt out. Oh Crap! Can someone else take this please! It ain't gonna end well. Been nice twice this week already! Nick? (No, it is your turn - NN)
I was friends with a guy for about two years, and best friends for about 9 months, we did everything together. Then, he developed feelings for me and asked me out. I originally said no, because I didn't want to risk our friendship, but then I was convinced to give it a try, so I did. A lay in the hand is worth two in the future, after all.
And he was so happy, and so in love with me, telling me I'm the most amazing person in the world, and the most important person in his life. Things were great for about 6 months, until I started having some family problems and I needed him to be there for me, and it was as though it was too much effort. Look lady, I AM male. I know guys are jerks. You just rang my dickwad alert here. We practice it and everything ...
Also, when we started dating his friends stopped bothering to invite him out and tell him what they were doing, and this became a big issue. I supported him and helped him through the time when all his friends were being horrible to him pretty much. Hmmm - gotta think about who his friends stopped inviting out.
Then, I went away for a month, on a family holiday. Oh, hell, I gotta book my holiday! Back in a minute.
Things were wonderful before I left, he took me to the airport, took me out before I left and was just wonderful. We emailed every few days and he called me a few times (it was long distance and very expensive). OK, that is pretty cool.
Then, when I get back, he doesn't even call me the day I get back, I see him when I go to university, and I ask him if he's going to come visit and he says "hmm I think i'm going to my friends house so I'll see " ( again, I haven't seen him for a month). He has found someone else to knock knees with.
From here, things start going down hill.. All of a sudden he says he's not feeling it, he had fun while I was gone, because he could stay over at his friends houses and didn't have to pick me up and take me places. He would ignore me when we went out, decided we must pretend not to know each other at university (we do the same course), didn't even want to touch me it seemed, would speak to me like crap and treat me like crap in general. HELLO, get out of your damned coma of romance here! That reminds me - what is for dinner?
But, when I asked why we didn't just end it, he'd say know it's just a phase, give me time, I don't want to break up, I'm not feeling it, but we're gonna be together for another year or so, this is long term, blah blah, you get my drift? Ah - he has moved you to second string Sally.
So, I ended it. It wasn't fair on me. Hello, someone grew a spine!
Now, he's acting like he's the one that got hurt, changing his fb and saying things and doing things that he knows are hurting me, and if I see him out and look the slightest bit upset, he'll make comments like "oh well I guess I have to leave now." Sounds like he got offended about the suddenly grown spine. Bloody pathetic little wuss.
I just think it's so childish, and I don't understand how he could let go of me so easily, and all his friends keep saying he's still hurt and it's hard for him to be around me, but he wanted it to end, so why should he be hurt? And as for me, I'm actually hurt, and still very sad about it, but I think I'm doing better, I just don't know how to move on. Find someone decent, for your sake.
I have to see him everyday, which can't be helped, but I did remove him off fb after the hurtful things, and deleted his number... It's just that every time I see him this confusion of the hurt and sadness, but still wanting to be with the person that loved me in the beginning comes back and i don't know how to handle it. You guys got any advice? :( OK, MM - time to earn your pay, and remember, you can't kick the crap out of this guy, no matter how much you wish to.
Answer
He never loved you. So what is the problem? Liked you, yes. Enjoyed your company - probably. The pathetic little weasel can't cope with being dumped for cause, and is trying to make you feel like crap. Thus far, he is succeeding.
Stop being dumb and playing his game. Get yer a*s out and find someone decent.
And this time - decide if he is friend or f*ckable and stick to it.
Thanks for playing!
We women sometimes really need to grow our spines first, and sometimes it takes a good hurt for us to have that opportunity and learn.
Thanks for sharing the e-mail, MM. I'm sure there are many girls and women out there who somewhere along the way experienced a similar situation and came out of it with strong beautiful spines (hopefully!).
I totally agree. This jerkwad isn't worth this girls time or energy. He showed his true colors and it's time to move on and find a real man whose worth it.
On a lesser scale, the same thing sort of happened to me as well. I was young(er)--because I wasn't all that young, to be honest--and very inexperienced. I fell for him hard, to this day I still say he was the one person I ever really loved. After a wonderful period when we would go out and have fun and all that, he just dropped of the face of the earth. I would call him and ask him if there was somethig wrong and he always came up with some sort of excuse, which I was foolishly ready to believe. Finally, I asked him why we weren't just breaking up. He said everything was ok, he was just "busy" and would I please be patient. I wouldn't. I couldn't. I told him that. For a year after, I had to endure his whining and his sad little Facebook comments and his sad little faces (we went to school together too), while having to deal with my own hurt. While having to feel that my world was crashing around me, and that ... wait, maybe this guy really loves me and misses me? He didn't, by the way. He got another girlfriend and had the sense to do what I should have done in the beginning--removed me from Facebook. It all got better after that.
My point is, he's a jerk for not telling you what he really felt or thought and for stringing you along. I know it hurts, I've been there. But it does get better. Be strong. I wish you the best.
Perfect answer! However, I really hope this poor woman builds some self confidence. She deserves way better than this pathetic loser!
Most women don't stick around if they know for certain that they don't love the guy and the relationship isn't going anywhere. But many men seem quite happy to keep women on call for years without really caring about them. Just to have someone around for sex and attention every now and then if he goes through a dry spell. Women make all kinds of excuses for this behavior "He's scared of getting hurt", "He has commitment issues" etc. because it's humiliating to admit that you've been intimate with, fallen in love with, and possibly spent years with a man who never loved you in the first place. But once you realize how common this type of behavior is understanding men is a lot easier. And you can weed out these creeps before you spend any significant time with them.
I'm not much a sex and the city kind of gal but I did really like the one line from the movie "She was smart girl, until she fell in love..." Forget about spines, I know from experience that our brains leak out once we fall in love, that's of course after it's gone to mush from infatuation and strong like and takes a while to grow back... It seems some women are unfortunate enough to never grow theirs back...
What a lovely day for a 2359042! SCK was here