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The Five Things Not To Do If You Catch Your Partner Cheating

Cheating is a lot of things: hurtful, hard to process, emotionally difficult. But most people make decisions that just make it worse. Here's a handy guide of what not to do when faced with what you don't want to deal with.


5) Trash Your Partner's Stuff


Yes, this is a time honored tradition in crappy dramas about strong women and their less-than-perfect husbands. And in the movies, it's absolutely hilarious. Who hasn't wanted to set a luxury car on fire or cut all their cheating spouse's possessions in half with a chainsaw? In real life, though, it makes you look like a lunatic and it means your partner can take you to small claims court to replace what you ruined. As tempting as it may be, don't do it.


4) Hack Their Personal Accounts


The online equivalent of trashing somebody's apartment, hacking their Facebook, email, and so on is a bad idea for two reasons: one, again, it makes you look like a psycho, and in turn has people thinking "Well, geez, no wonder you got cheated on, you're crazy!" Two, you could be breaking the law, and, no, the nice police officer will not be terribly sympathetic to your emotional pain if there's a warrant out for your arrest. There's nothing in their Twitter account worth jail time.


3) Start Airing It On Facebook


By all means, talk to friends and family; they help you through rough times. That's what they're there for. But don't start relentlessly posting Wall statuses about being cheated on, or for that matter go near your ex's Wall. Or the Wall of whoever your ex cheated with. That way lies appearances on Lamebook and having to go back and erase dozens of wall posts. Also, it makes your being cheated on your life, and you'll be unable to move on.


2) Throw a Massive Public Scene


Again, a time-honored tradition, but all it does, in the end, is make you look bad. There is no good public place to confront somebody who hurt you emotionally, because the last thing you want to do is fly off the handle. Because you're in the right, you'll think that everyone will instantly flock to your cause. But really, what they're thinking is either embarrassment over observing something so personal in a public place, or annoyance at your making a scene. Most people at Starbucks just want to drink their coffee in peace, and will not rise to defend your honor.


1) Revenge Cheat


It still baffles me this is a popular method of revenge. I've seen it happen dozens of times, and I find myself wondering just what the wronged person is trying to achieve. Sure, it can be hurtful to the cheater, but it doesn't say "Ha! I win!" It says "get out of range of both people before this bomb goes off." Even worse, it can put you at genuine risk, since you're not thinking clearly. Among those dozens of times I mentioned are two pregnancies and a particularly nasty venereal disease, mostly because the people involved were too angry and emotionally torn up to remember a condom. You think a "you might be a daddy, stranger!" call is awkward? Try it with somebody you had revenge sex with.


None of this is to say, of course, that you shouldn't feel wronged, because you have been. You just need to at least try and deal with it without resorting to tactics that drag you to the cheater's level. Or at least go down to their level in ways that you won't get caught.

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14 Comments

silkysly

I think we all have been cheated on at some point in our lives. It’s horrible to say the least. I go with the less is best policy. When my ex admitted he cheated, I just looked at him for a minute or two & then he said, “Aren’t you going to say anything?” I replied, “No…, you’re not worth one more breath of mine.” I quietly walked out the door without uttering a word. It’s spoke volumes.

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I personally would just walk away and not look back. People who go crazy are crazy. It's not something I could ever do.

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"Thank you for telling me. Good bye" is about all I have to say.

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Nothing beats the satisfaction of trashing their shit( if he wears alot of dark clothing, feel free to splash some bleach on it, a personal faveorite of mine :) ) . I disagree with #1, a man cheats on me he better hide his shit because thats the first thing thats gonna set on fire.

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And besides its part of the protocol ! I'm sorry but we all know that what your preaching is a buncha bullshit . Retaliation = retribution

Dan Seitz

Yeah, judges tend not to agree that it's "part of the protocol".

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It's very easy to say you wouldn't do anything crazy if it happened to you...until it does happen to you. I do admire those of you who handled it with class. I did not. Do I regret it? Yes. But do I think I could do any differently if I had to live through it over again? No.

Lorelei

Good honesty... I handled it "gracefully", but that that doesn't make it "right"; just a different method of handling it. It was actually passive-aggressive bitchiness; being so nice despite what happened that later on, he would feel like he really lost something, whereas if I lashed out, he'd have an excuse to say "she was no good anyway!" instead of really missing me and feeling horrible about it. :)

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I had caught my husband in OUR bed with another women.. they both were passed out sleeping, they never heard me come home.
I could not believe my eyes... what come over me is unexplainable, I felt this rush of red hot anger that took over my mind & body.
I had suddenly developed super human strength... the force that was unleashed
would leave him awed struck.
Well... I can say, "They both lived to see another".
Whatever you do, don't blog it... it will be used against you in court.
You would think there would be some kind of compassion from the courts, the people, someone...NOPE.
What I should of done, was climbed in between them and as they awoke, asked if anyone was down for breakfast........LMFAO!!!

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That's shocking! Even though I have been cheated on in the past and handled it gracefully I honestly think I may have reacted differently if I had been in your situation!!! If i caught my husband in our bed with another woman, I wouldn't really think twice about knocking the living bananas out of her (and I am not even a violent person! I don't think I even know how to throw a good punch!) How could you just walk away from that!! I would probably not acknowledge him at all, merely because what can you say to an asshole like that? But the woman - I think I would find it really difficult to contain my anger. I guess it totally depends on the circumstance.

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I phoned him went mad, got drunk, then the day after I said to the girl look after him or lose him, and told him to get an STI test done :)

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if you really wanted to hurt someone who cheated on you, and you had every intention to leave from how bad it hurt, do so. leave without saying a word. no arguments. not even a note left behind. that will really stick with him/her

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