In the face of this service, which will test your wife's panties for other men's semen or your guy's boxers for women's secretions, and which even goes so far as to say "We can test your daughter's panties for semen, if you want!", I just have this to say:
YECH!
We've talked a lot about privacy on here; I come down pretty firmly against rooting through your boyfriend's email or Facebook page for proof he's cheating because the second you do that, you destroy any moral high ground you may have, and frankly, if you find he's not cheating, and he figures out you violated his privacy, he'll dump you and be right to do it. Respect and trust are the foundation of any relationship, and violating another person's privacy destroys both.
But this...
Look, it's like this: if you're so worried about your significant other cheating on you that you need to send their unmentionables to a creepy Internet service, your relationship has problems. So instead of sending undies in the mail, try talking to your partner, and maybe going to couple's therapy, because frankly, even if your suspicions are right, you're still the paranoid underwear-testing weirdo.
Also, if you use this service on your daughter, consider finding her a loving family that isn't totally insane.
I think most people do ask their SO who tend to lean toward being deceptive & deny it. Probably why some people feel the need to go to extremes & prove it. Sad, but sometimes true.
I was listening to the radio recently, a woman called in thinking her husband was cheating. The radio station then pretended to be the husband's cell phone provider and told him he had won a prize, 12 roses to send to a lucky lady. They tried to determine if the husband was cheating based on if he sent them to his wife, or to someone else.
I couldn't believe they actually did this, or that the womn agreed to it. If he WASN'T cheating, and found out the tactics she used, I'm sure he'd be pretty upset.
Why can't people just talk openly instead of lying and playing games?
Was that "War of the Roses"? They do that every morning here on the radio.
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But Dan, it's easy to say "talk to your partner" but HOW?? WHAT on earth do you say? You have to assume that any woman snooping has already asked her man if he's cheating on her, and he's said no. So how do you "talk to your partner" about it from there? What do you say? "I don't believe you"? Idk about that....
Pretty much, you lay out "this is what you are doing that is troubling me. Can we talk about this?"
I didn't say it was easy. It's not. But if you want to salvage your relationship, this is the only way to do it.
Thank you for posting this today. It couldn't have come at a better time. I feel like my boyfriend is hiding something, but I haven't been sure how to bring it up without sounding paranoid. Being direct seems so easy, but it's truly scary. Guess I'll be working up my courage to ask him when he gets home tonight.
Dan-
Totally agree....USUALLY.
I was paranoid that my exclusive (now ex) BF of 8 months was cheating... He was a bit distant and had some unexplainable absences on a couple weekends, so I scoured some free dating sites and found him on one...with a recent profile and login of that day.
I saved a snapshot of the page, and didn't say anything for a week...I DID ask him if everything was ok with him, work, US, etc.
He said he was just stressed about the holidays. I was with him for the following weekend and all was good...including sex, affection, "love you" sentiments, etc.
On the following Monday I asked him if there is anything he wanted to tell me...or if he was feeling differently about us.
Nope, it's all good, and I was just paranoid, he says.
So I calmly and confidently confronted him about the dating profile, and he looked shocked...then ashamed, with a lowered head.
I asked him why he was cheating on me and he defensively said "well, I haven't dates anyone from there yet and didn't sleep with anyone!"
His position was that because he "hasn't yet slept with anyone, it wasn't cheating".
I beg to differ.
It was betrayal, just the same.
He said he was being honest, and would have told me if I asked him if he had a profile up on that site...
So LADIES, (and guys), next time you consider talking to your man to avoid snooping, make sure to ask the full battery of questions, including those specific to cheating loopholes. We wouldn't want anyone falsely accused, now would we?
So lets say you didnt the bad thing and you did look in his phone but you told him and apologized for it. How can I make it better? There was a phone number in there that he had called a few times that I am not sure if its a guy or a girl. Not sure how to handle that. I did ask him if he could forgive me he said yes but he didn't know why I did that. I am so weak.