I was hanging with a friend recently and a commercial for some credit card company came on television. In this commercial (I forget for which company), the woman eschews receiving an engagement ring, instead opting for a paid trip to climb up some really high rocks. No Tryone Biggums.
This commercial sparked a convo about whether or not a woman would actually give up the ring for an experience. I thought absolutely not, and my friend agreed. However, she then went on to say that she didn't think that women cared about the size of their engagement rings as much as men think we do.
Which then, must also mean that men obsess over rings more than women do.
Hmm.
Now, I've always known women who had a very clear idea in their heads of what kind of engagement ring they wanted. Hell, most women I know spend inordinate numbers of hours watching wedding shows looking for ideas for their prospective weddings. So to me it stands (stood) to reason that women would be concerned about the size of the ring that a man gave to them. After all, isn't a ring a sign or symbol of his love? And if he gets you a smallish ring wouldn't you be a little bit...disappointed? Granted that's a more nuanced argument, but my friend stated to me that it was a myth that women cared about ring size as much as we think they do. I was dumbfounded as I just easily assumed women were obsessed with getting that perfect ring with just the right cut, setting, carat, and clarity. Relative to their man's ability of course.
And she told me that was a myth.
Which led to her then saying she felt like the ring concern was a myth just like the idea that women trap men.
Scrrrrrrr. Hol de fon.
The ring thing might be in question, but women DON'T ever try to trap a man through pregnancy??? Yeah, not buying that one. Again, I'm not saying it's an everyday thing, but I'm sure we all know a woman or two who has attempted (and failed) to either get a marriage or just keep a man by having his child. And yet, here is my friend, trying to tell me that she thinks that is a myth of epic proportions.
Hell, I can run off a list of at least three women I know PERSONALLY who tried it and failed. As in they've actually said to me they thought he would stick around. Not that the child doesn't have a good life or great relationship with his or her father, but the actual situation itself...fail.
Well, my own curiosity at the prospect that what I've always known to be true was being called a myth stirred my mental juices. So I bring the questions to the masses: is women's obsession with the size and price of their engagement ring a myth? And is it also a myth that some women do actually attempt to trap their men through pregnancy?
What say ye?
Which then, must also mean that men obsess over rings more than women do.
Hmm.
Now, I've always known women who had a very clear idea in their heads of what kind of engagement ring they wanted. Hell, most women I know spend inordinate numbers of hours watching wedding shows looking for ideas for their prospective weddings. So to me it stands (stood) to reason that women would be concerned about the size of the ring that a man gave to them. After all, isn't a ring a sign or symbol of his love? And if he gets you a smallish ring wouldn't you be a little bit...disappointed? Granted that's a more nuanced argument, but my friend stated to me that it was a myth that women cared about ring size as much as we think they do. I was dumbfounded as I just easily assumed women were obsessed with getting that perfect ring with just the right cut, setting, carat, and clarity. Relative to their man's ability of course.
And she told me that was a myth.
Which led to her then saying she felt like the ring concern was a myth just like the idea that women trap men.
Scrrrrrrr. Hol de fon.
The ring thing might be in question, but women DON'T ever try to trap a man through pregnancy??? Yeah, not buying that one. Again, I'm not saying it's an everyday thing, but I'm sure we all know a woman or two who has attempted (and failed) to either get a marriage or just keep a man by having his child. And yet, here is my friend, trying to tell me that she thinks that is a myth of epic proportions.
Hell, I can run off a list of at least three women I know PERSONALLY who tried it and failed. As in they've actually said to me they thought he would stick around. Not that the child doesn't have a good life or great relationship with his or her father, but the actual situation itself...fail.
Well, my own curiosity at the prospect that what I've always known to be true was being called a myth stirred my mental juices. So I bring the questions to the masses: is women's obsession with the size and price of their engagement ring a myth? And is it also a myth that some women do actually attempt to trap their men through pregnancy?
What say ye?
A woman cannot trap a man. It is the man that makes the conscious decision to have sex with said woman and takes an "assumed risk" when he does so, same as for the woman. Either have condoms and spermicide handy or stay celibate. Otherwise, you are subjected to whatever consequences that could possibly transpire.
Nobody's arguing that one shouldn't protect themselves, but it's still a trap when lying or intentionally deceiving someone (aka I went off the pill but didn't bother to tell him)
(Your friend is a myth.)
Some men want a nubile young accessory. Some women want a rock the size of a golf ball. And some people just want a partner who wants to climb a mountain with them. Personally, I'd be happy with a band with a sweet engraving. But again, that's because I'm holding out for a connection and not just a piece of jewelry.
I don't think the ring thing is necessarily a myth.... but I do know that if you meet the right man... and you love him like you claim you do... the ring dont mean a gawtdayum thang. True story.
I agree. Sometimes a simple band works. The ring is usually the symbol designating the status of "engaged" or "married" but it's not the end all be all.
It's better to have that man every day, loyal, loving, devoted then to have an expensive ring.
But if a woman feels like she's settling (which I think a lot do) then they demand a large engagement ring in response to denote significance to the vapid relationship. Plus, the engagement ring (if worth it) acts like an insurance clause when the relationship ends... you sell it and recapture the tiny fragments you think you lost in the time you were with him
I think that just as many men try to trap a woman as women try to trap men. There are just curtain people that try to do anything that will keep someone coming back. The baby thing is just a lot more visible and perminant. *shrug*
Whoa, hold on a minute, you're working on the assumptions that ALL women dream of their wedding day and that ALL women want to get married to begin with -- which for the record isn't necessarily true. I'm a 20-something female and my girlfriends and I talk about this all the time because as much as we enjoy the guys in our lives, marriage isn't something we're unnecessarily obsessing about right now. We live in chaotic times, and with so much going on in the world, working hard and trying to keep yourself afloat (and sane) -- while trying to get ahead career-wise can keep you somewhat busy. Sure, we care a great deal about our boyfriends but let me be clear -- our worlds don't revolve around them and neither are we idly sitting by waiting for that marriage proposal or plotting their future demise by tricking them into knocking us up. In fact, to some of us, that sort of behavior not only sounds a little twisted and sad, but also ARCHAIC.
Damn straight. Some of us includes me. I literally (and I know a lot of people) don't know a single person, male or female, that has obsessed about wedding rings and planned their perfect one. It's obviously not a myth, and I don't think you or your friend really understand what the word myth means, if you're asking "is it a myth?" at the same time as saying "I know women that have done this". If you know people like that, then it can't be a myth. It IS blatantly wrong that ALL women think that way though.
Why is there an answer like this saying "So, women do this. Obviously, not ALL women"? It just seems redundant. Some PEOPLE want rings, some PEOPLE don't. Why are you making this a gender thing? Some PEOPLE try to trap each other with pregnancy, and don't think for a second it's just women doing it to men. I personally know of one couple who aren't together any more because the guy assured her he'd had a vasectomy, and absolutely hadn't. He just wanted a family, and she didn't. I also know of several men who have convinvced their partners to keep babies they didn't want because they wanted families. And as angellove said, it's not just through pregnancy that people try to trap each other.
I personally don't want an engagement ring. I didn't even want to get married until very recently, and even then it's because I know I'm going to stay with my partner for the rest of my life, and I know my family would love to organise my wedding.
I would MUCH rather do something cool than have a piece of jewellery. Not climbing rocks because fuck that effort for a bag of pennies, but something like having a shit-load of spending money at Comicon or something. Yeah. If you said to me, have this shiny piece of shiny that you have to wear forever AND NEVER LOSE or most other things of an equivalent cost, like a holiday or trekking or going to ten concerts, then obviously, I'm going to go for the experience.
MM, your answers are frequently sexist. I know you don't mean them to be, and I know you have a lot of respect for women, but you seem to see us as being pretty separate from men, and we're just not. All of us are people, and some want wedding rings and some don't. Some use babies to trap people into relationships and some don't. It's all about what kind of person you are, not whether you're a man or a woman, that determines the way you want to live your life.
MM?? its BFF's answer
Hehehe... You're right. I meant to type that. Clearly, I can hold a debate on a loaded subject but can't remember which abbreviation of letters is the right one.
BFF, not MM. Apologies to MM.
(Honest to god, I'm on here so much that this is a genuinely embarrassing mistake :P)
I think it can go either way.. there was an episode of SITC where Charolette met a man who was wedding obessed. Bridezillas has had a couple of Groomzillas who were obessed with their weddings. As to the ring.. I dont care about the size etc, I dont like diamonds that much. They're ok for an accent stone or an eternity band but otherwise nope. I want a Cubic Zirconia replica of JLO's pink engament ring.
I figure that the love is real who care about the ring.. if it get lost stolen or damaged in some way its cheaper to replace than a thousand plus dollar engament ring. Most ppl can't tell the real things from the fakes anyways, no one knows unless you tell them its not the real deal.
I am in no way though going to sit and obesses over getting married or getting a proposal if it happens it does if not then thats ok too.. I've had my wedding planned since I was like 5, but thats me.
Also I know a woman one of my best friends acutally that could care less about weddings. She got married in her blue jeans and fave tshirt with a pair of tennis shoes. I personally am a hopless romantic so I love weddings. I may never get one but its fun to fantatize for some of us girls its like men or women who do the fantasy football thing.
As to the pregnant trap.. you cannot trap anyone who does not want to be trapped. *hence baby mamma/ baby daddy drama...Sex takes two ppl and if a man wants to sleep with a woman he should bring protection and so should she. Men should not assume the girl's on birthcontrol he should assume that if he has sex and he is able to get someone preggers at some point he may actually find out somone is having his baby.
I think so many ppl of both sexes are leary of marriage because the divorce rate is so high, yet many others are wedding obessed or the wedding industry would not be a billion dollar a year money maker.. just my thoughts...
is women's obsession with the size and price of their engagement ring a myth? YES.
And is it also a myth that some women do actually attempt to trap their men through pregnancy? No, cause you said SOME.
i believe it's human nature to desire to love and to be loved. in our efforts we do all manner of (idiotic) things in the name of proving our affections and getting the other person to do the same. hence one may buy a gigantic engagement ring or try to make a relationship work (i.e. appear more significant) by introducing a child in the mix.
i think the women obsessed with the size and price of their engagement ring tend to be from a certain socio-economic bracket and/or very critical of themselves and other's opinions of them. (they appear on bridezillas or mtv etc.) then there are others who are just 'grateful' for the proposal seeing as it takes some guys that long to get down on one knee... and to be honest we've probably been through a lot with you menses by then. What! Yeah I said it lol. besides hasn't the age of marriage gotten older? we can't have you spending beaucoup amounts on the ring and we got to build a home together AND eat... mummy and daddy gave up on us long time ago, we in this alone...wedding, reception, honeymoon, new mattress.
as for trapping men through pregnancy. i've seen it happen too many times in college to think it's a myth. the study group may be small but then again if this was happening in a 'good' Christian school i can't imagine what regular folk got up to :) all i'm sayin' is men and women do what they do in relationships to keep the one they love...whether it's passive aggressive or not.
disclaimer: i make generalizations. Panama says it's ok!
I can tell you from experience that my now wife consistently picked smallish ring designs when we were discussing marriage. Ultimately she strongly hinted at a ring that was very cheap, but different from the usual designs... that's the one I got her and she's incredibly happy with it. I could've afforded something twice or even three times as expensive, but that's not what she wanted.
Every woman is different so don't lump us all into the same category: dream about our future weddings all day long, try to trap men. Just like men are not all the same, neither are women.
I, personally, have definitely thought about engagement rings that I liked and I hope my future fiance tries to pick something out that reflects my personality. And I want a ring that impresses people to some extent (aka a nice size). But I would never want him to go into outrageous debt for some ring. I'd rather invest that money in our future.
I don't know about women "trapping men". Men have free will. They don't have to do anything they don't want to do.
The only way I ever cared about the size or price of my engagement ring was I wanted small and inexpensive. But design of the ring I spent some time on... I'm going to wear it every day for the rest of my life, I want to like how it looks. In the end it appears my husband only half listened to what I wanted, but I still love my ring because it is what he picked out for me to wear.
I would say SOME women ATTEMPT to trap men. But not many attempt, and not many succeed.
When my closest friend recently got engaged - I instantly knew it wasn't going to last when I saw the ring. (I was right about that, he cheated on her). It was the tiniest ring I've ever seen - it looked alien on her finger - the style..everything was off - It just wasn't "her".Yes so judgemental to measure the size of the diamond, the style of the ring - to how much your worth or how much your love is worth. But, ashamed as I am to admit it - the ring is important to me. I've had nightmares of my partner proposing to me with a giant purple plastic lucky dip ring - standing glued to the spot, panicking, thinking "F**K - I have to wear THIS thing for the rest of my life?". Yes terrible, materialistic and ungrateful - I know. I wear nice jewellery, purple plastic has no place on these hands.
Trapping a guy with a baby? That old gem... Cannot say I know of anyone who has done this and at the same time I'm at a loss to think of any "gentleman" who would marry a girl because she was having their baby. I think that act of chivalry died out many a year ago.
Not myths, IMO.
He's supposed to be trying to win her over with the ring - she decides if he is making an earnest enough effort depending on who he is. How much she loves him and how confident and practical she is will determine if the ring is acceptable.
Becoming pregnant to entrap a man is not worth the price if he says no, besides why would anyone want to know someone was forced to marry you and it was never thri choice. Seems like the worst idea but it does happen.
Some women are obsessed with the size of their engagement rings, some are not. The ring has never made a marriage...it's the two people who love each other dearly and have decided to commit (via marriage) and build a life together that make a true marriage.
Sure, I'd rather not have diamond dust as a rock, but it's not a deal breaker if I don't receive a substantial rock. Plus, who says you can't upgrade the ring later?
*Shrugs* Different for different people. Some girls are highly picky others are not.
The most beautiful/romantic ring I've ever seen is a band of plain with a small square cut diamond. It says "From Pain to Fish"- two nicknames they have for each other with long stories behind them. Nicknames that were about them being in love. The ring is over 40 years old now and still worn with a smile.
I would want my ring to be personal but I have no clear images on what that would mean. I can't see myself turning down a proposal or even returning the ring if the proposal was meant sincerely.
It depends on the woman, and certainly there ARE shallow, stupid, insipid women who measure a man's love by a piece of jewelry. I am not one of them and those types of women make me sick. I am not ring or wedding obsessed, never have been (and I am MOST DEFINITELY not baby obsessed!). The only thing I care about is I don't want yellow gold and I do not want a round or marquise stone. The price, the size of the diamond, the proposal itself, none of that matters. The ring could be silver, diamonique, cost 50 bucks and he can propose while we're in bed in our pajamas with no flowers in sight ~ as long as he loves me honestly and completely then that is all that matters.
I have never cared about rings. I actually don't wear mine because of my job.
I like the symbolism of the wedding ring in that it has no beginning and no end. The shiniest and best token of love from my husband is given to me everyday with him being a downright good guy.
Well, of course everyone might have an ideal ring in mind, but the sane ones wouldn't reject a proposal because the ring he's holding isn't the one they had always imagined. Of course, there are divas out there who would, but they're the exception, not the rule.
As for the pregnancy thing, I know a girl who did that. The dad agreed to stay with her, but that didn't stop him from hooking up behind her back. She finally kicked him out after the fifth or sixth mistress. Now she's raising twins on her own. I'd call that a success.
My boyfriend wants to get married eventually, I don't. He has asked me multiple times if I like/want jewelry. Uh HELL NO. I'd much rather spend the money and take a nice vacation, or have him use it for a new house for himself. Buying me a ring or any other type of mineral+metal combination seems useless to me. Same with weddings, wedding dresses, etc. Not for me, though I'm sure I'm in the (ever-growing) minority.
I went to the 5th world series game, and there was a woman there with a sign that said, "He told me I could have a ring or world series tickets. Here I am!" I think it depends on the woman and how secure she is with her relationship. And I guess if those rocks were a dream for her to climb, well I'd pick 'em too.
Well, I was engaged and married for a year with a ring that cost less than $200. Then he got me a more expensive ring on our first anniversary. I dumped my 5-year college bf because he all of a sudden started pulling out every time. I asked him why, and he said because his friend got 'pregnancy trapped'. I was offended and incensed that he thought I would ever do something so low. I told him, 'if you think I would create a human being and be responsible for it for the rest of his or her life just to keep you, you're delusional'. And dumped him on the spot.
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