Gal Pal says:
This guy thinks of you strictly as a little sister. You're cute, sweet, smart and great, but Greg Brady doesn't want little Jan getting romantically attached. You're better off ditching him and finding someone who likes you "in that way" - even if it's George Glass.

The relationship advice I'm getting seems contradictory. First, they tell me that I need to put myself out there. So I joined match and went on dates, but nothing came of them. Now the SAME friends tell me that I'm trying too hard and it will come when I least expect it. Which approach do you think is best?

Mystery Man says:

Everyone thinks they know best about finding a relationship, and gets a little obsessive about what worked for them. But your friends are right, with both sets of comments.

Match, OKcupid or any of a thousand other dating sites do work, sometimes poorly, sometimes very well indeed. One of my friends has been very happily married for several years to a girl he met on Match, after I stole the love of his life from him (long story). But stop expecting to meet "the one" on the very first date!

Just have fun. Enjoy the dates. You got a time limit here? A "have a boyfriend by Christmas or else you get disinherited" thing? Stop smelling of desperation, a stench that puts off guys worse than Chanel Number 5. Relax, for god's sake.

Gal Pal says:
Hold up - who's driving the Mystery Machine? For once I agree with Mystery Man's answer? Shocking! The only thing I'll add is that there's a fine line between being open to love and being desperate for it. Sometimes we walk the line, sometimes we topple off. But the important thing is to get up, keep walking and keep your heart open to happiness, in whatever form it takes. (And ps, Mystery Man, you can pretend to be sweet all you want, but I know it's really you. Closing with a Chanel No. 5 slam? Perfume burn - caught!)

My boyfriend is very open with me about his last relationship (dated 4 years, ended badly). He's almost TOO open about it. He always says how insane she is, and how he was a wreck after it ended. Why is he telling me all this?

Wise Ass says:

Of course he's going to talk to you about her; you're his girlfriend. Four years is a long time, especially when you're young. She was a big part of his life, and, in one sense, always will be. People always talk about their old flames to new flames whether we really care about that boring-ass bullshit or not. It's one of those necessary evils of a relationship, like cleaning up your girlfriend's vomit when she drinks too much and yaks in your car.

There's a limit, though. You don't say how long ago their relationship ended, but timing is everything. If it just happened within the last six months or so, the wounds are still fresh and it's perfectly normal for him to lick them. If they broke up three years ago and he's still bitching about her, then yeah, not good. Also, no one wants to hear you go on and on about your ex being a crazy bitch or whore or asshole or liar or whatever else you like to call them. Not only is that tacky and inappropriate, but it also makes us wonder what you'll be saying about us after our relationship ends.

Regardless, if what he is saying about her or their relationship makes you anxious and uncomfortable, you have every right to say so and ask him to stop. Their relationship is the past, and you would prefer to focus on the present and future of your relationship with him.

Gal Pal says:
Ask him to stop. Now. It's not OK, especially the part where he calls a girl he dated for FOUR YEARS insane. Classy. Yes, things go horribly wrong in relationships. But after four years, you'd think he'd have some respect for her. How long have you been with this guy? I think you should consider very carefully how long you want to stay with him - and how long before he starts trash-talking you to his next lady.

My ex broke up with me two months ago and since then I've been going through this emotional cycle, trying to be friends but we end up having sex and I get attached again. What should I do?

Chic Geek says:

Take a break. A serious break. No getting together for a casual drink that turns into you getting drunk and waking up in his bed. No friendly movie nights where you never get to finish "Scott Pilgrim" because you're too busy boning on the couch. Stop calling, emailing, replying to his Tweets, "liking" his Facebook status updates. Do not be in the same space as him-- be it physical or virtual-- for a while.

See what it feels like to be away from him. Maybe you'll find that you can actually just be his friend after some time has passed. If you can't imagine life without him, tell him that you want to get back together for real. Let him know that this casual, "friends with benefits" thing isn't working for you. He's messing with your heart, and needs to just be with you or it's really over.  The longer you stay in this cycle of "hang out/bang/get attached/go back to being friends," the more likely you are to get hurt again.

Gal Pal says:
It's tough to think the love you lost is within your grasp again. But unfortunately, it may be just an illusion. A guy friend recently confided to me this story about his ex-girlfriend: "I broke up with her because I couldn't see myself with her. But she kept flirting with me and said she was fine with just sex. But then every time we hooked up, she'd get angry with me for not being her boyfriend. What's wrong with her?" There's nothing wrong with her or you, except for that fact that you're re-entangling yourself with someone who rejected you. Set yourself free, set him free.. and then six months later, reevaluate course.

Is it okay to hookup with my friend's ex? Some people say that they are over so it doesn't matter but other people tell me it's against "girl code". Help!

Reformed Player says:

Since you're asking, you already know that it's not totally cool to hookup with your friend's ex. It has nothing to do with "girl code" or any kind of gender groupthink. Would you be cool with it? Probably not.

This has nothing to do with whether or not your friend is "over" this dude or not. It has everything to do with whether you are up front with your friend or not. If I found out second hand that a friend of mine was banging an ex of mine, I wouldn't be broken-hearted or jealous. I'd be sketched out. I'd think my friend was a spineless weasel. Why should I find out second hand? Screw the iron nuts on, walk over to me, and tell me that facts. Don't ask me for permission.

She's not my girlfriend. But I'd want him to tell me how it is. Now, unless he's throwing wang at the woman I thought I'd marry 24 hours after she dumped, I'm going to be fine with it. This friend is more important to you right now than this hookup, right? Bros before hos and besties before testes. So that you may Hoover vacuum this guy's face and feel up his man teats with guiltless impunity, I would highly recommend you tell your friend. Just be straight up and tell her you're hooking up, or want to hookup, or are interested, in her ex. If she has a problem, that's really her problem. Just don't rub it in her face.

Gal Pal says:
Besties before testes. I second that emotion. And may get it tattooed to my lower back. Otherwise, I think John has this one covered. Onto the next shady lady question!

Is it wrong to write a guy friend during basic training without telling my boyfriend? I don't think he'd understand.

Girls' BFF says:

Is it wrong? No. Absolutely not. However, the fact that you're even questioning whether you should leads me to believe that it might not be the best idea. Does your boyfriend know about this chap in basic training that you intend to write a letter to?

Do you hang out with this friend when he's home and the boyfriend doesn't mind? Even better, what are you doing writing ACTUAL letters to other men anyway when you have a boyfriend? In a day of 140 character statements, emails, and texts, taking the time to physically write to somebody is pretty major. Sure, when Benjamin Franklin was doing it, that was the only way he could keep his women happy. But nowadays, when I get written letters from people, I tend to think that they feel pretty doggone strongly for me.

So here's the test: if your boyfriend had a friend who had boobs that he was writing to that you found out about, would you be upset? If so, why? If you can honestly say that you wouldn't, then perhaps you are in the clear because you truly believe in innocence and unicorns. But if you know that you'd have an issue with it, then perhaps you should write that letter to your boyfriend instead.

Gal Pal says:
Just tell your boyfriend! In fact, let him help write the letters. This friend In basic training could probably use all the support, encouragement and comfort from home he can get.

That's all for this week - thanks for playing, guys and girls!