Just another sh*tty part of the whole online dating world. One minute you're planning a sexy Saturday brunch with Brad227LEtSgoJeTS, and the next minute he vanishes. It sucks. I've been there before too; Brad227LEtSgoJeTS can be a real sneaky prick.

It is really important to not count your online dating chicks before they hatch into the real world. When things are only on the cyber playing field, there is great anonymity to it. People will treat people with much less regard and allow themselves to get away with some real uncool things, because ultimately the relationship is still make believe - suspended in the same world as Ebay, Craigslist and foxnews.com. 

That's why I am always a big proponent for taking it to the street quick when it comes to online dating. Once you actually meet someone, smell them, kiss them on the cheek, share breakfast burritos together, etc, then a real bond has been forged.  Now, as to the specifics of why he Houdini'd™ you. There are few reasonable explanations - none of them too comforting:

1. He is back with his ex.

2. He's married and just playing hooky.

3. He met someone else online, feels hopeful about it. and wants to see it through.

4. He forgot to renew his account and he will be back momentarily (highly unlikely, don't believe this one, but of course it is a minor possibility)

5. He met no one who really speaks to him (including you) and needs a break from the cyber madness

It stings, it burns, it sucks. But you need to do what we humans do best. Suffer, shit-talk, dust off those cyber tears and keep at it. One day, you'll look back and thank the stars that Brad227LEtSgoJeTS dissed you. I know I do.

It's always disappointing when guys we like pull the vanishing act - virtually or otherwise. But take heart that this has not one pixel to do with you. He's certainly not the right guy for you or he wouldn't risk losing you. You'll probably never know why he fell off the face of the internet. The only other possible explanation I'll add is that he ran out of money to pay for his account and didn't bother to tell you - not the kind of guy you want to fall in love with anyway, right? 

Well, first off I wouldn't compare yourself to reality TV. The show, which claims to celebrate celibacy, is of course going to show the most awkward, extreme versions of adult virgins because it makes good television. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 30, and certainly there's nothing wrong with being one at 25 either. 

That said, while the newlyweds in the commercial for the show are virgins, that doesn't mean they have to be such freakish kissers. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep your virginity until your wedding night, there's no reason why you can't kiss get physically comfortable with the person you're planning to spend the rest of your life with. Watch the kiss-- they look like two fish sucking food from each others' mouths. You can almost hear the TLC camera crew offscreen shouting "ratings goldmine!" 

As for the virginity issue, the right time to lose your virginity is when you're ready. Not when your friends, movies or some reality show tells you when. You will know when the time is right, and you will (hopefully) be with someone who will be understanding and patient and feel as strongly for you as you do for then. You are right on the money -- it will happen when you're in love. Sometimes that takes a time to find. And you'll be better emotionally equipped to handle it than you were when you were 16 or 17 or 18 or 19 or 20 or whenever society thinks the "average" person loses their virginity. The truth is that everyone has their own pace. It's not a race, and the worst thing you can do is lose it before your ready. 

Also remember -- people make a big deal about their first time, but losing your virginity is just the beginning. Great sex -- and real connection-- comes afterwards. 

You're not a freak, you're sticking to what feels right for you. Bravo! Unless you start dressing up as a toddler in a tiara, you have absolutely nothing to worry about on the reality TV front.

What's so great about women of a certain age (WOACA)? With all due respect to Ben Franklin and Frank Kaiser, both authors of similar pieces about women--one (Kaiser's)erroneously attributed to Andy Rooney--and both of whom have provided me with inspiration and material to steal borrow, I will tell you. 

WOACA will never ask you what you're thinking. They don't care what you're thinking. If it's important enough, you will speak up, and if you don't, it's your own fault.

WOACA don't mince words and they don't have time for games. If you're a jerk, they'll tell you. If you're full of shit, they'll tell you. If you are wasting their time, they'll point you to the door. But if they like you, they will ask you out or get you to ask them out and make you think it was your idea.

WOACA have high expectations of the opposite sex. Only a fool would consider that a bad thing.

WOACA know what they want and they know how to get it, usually before you realize they wanted it or got it.

WOACA have seen it all and done things you haven't. They've fought wars. They've saved nations. They've held families together. They've raised kids, often alone. They've carried other human beings in their guts for the better part of a year and squeezed them out of their bodies. They've juggled work and home. They've loved, lost and then loved again, refusing to give up or lay down or let life get the better of them.

I don't know why women of a certain age are diminished in our society, but it's a shame and a crime. I have a wife, sisters and many friends who are WOACA, and they are the strongest and wisest people I know. I am a better person because of them. So are you.

Read the rest of Cary's beautiful and empowering list at the link above. Amen, Wise Ass! WOACA, WOACA!!

This one has been bugging me since I saw it in the question queue last week. Have written about it a fair number of times now, if you go back through the archives, and each time it gets more and more refined. I have it down to one word now.

Respect.

Is this a person who will respect you and who you can respect? Do you respect him enough to resist the attempt to change him into a faded copy of you, and does he respect you enough to stop doing the crap that really bugs you? Vice versa also applies here. Love is great. It isn't enough. The right balance is something that changes, not only from day to day but from moment to moment. There is no such thing as a perfect balance for life.

Sharing core values and a basic philosophy of life helps. Beliefs, eh, not so much.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Sing it, Aretha and MM! I think your relationship will be far more fulfilling if you're on the same page with your core values, beliefs and life views. And if you admire, love, respect and communicate with each other. Then add some spice with different jobs, hobbies or IHOP pancake orders. Mix, shake and serve over a lifetime.

Honestly, in this situation the only thing that you can do is let him know that you're there for him. Let's be real, death is a difficult thing to handle even if you know it's coming. But the death of your mother? That is damn near debilitating.

While I understand you are worried that he is pulling away from you, there's nothing you can do to stop that from happening. Truth be told, you should be more worried about his sanity than him pulling back from you. I realize that a good man is hard to find and you don't want to lose him, but this man is going through something right now.

A random text...or even a phone call and voicemail message (if he doesn't answer) letting him know that you're there will go a long way to letting him know that you're still there. Trust me, he hasn't forgotten you. But life is happening right now for him and that's a bit bigger than you at the moment. So give him some time. He'll eventually get his emotions and feelings back in order, though it may take a while.

And when that happens, he'll hit you up and want to talk. But you can't force anything right now. That's the most important thing to realize.

His life has been utterly shattered. Give him time - months and months of time. Keep offering your support - quietly and consistently. Be strong for him - if you love him, you'll be willing to offer your patience and understanding and this low moment in his life without expecting much in return. You can't know what will happen in your relationship - and he certainly isn't in a state to give you answers at the moment - so be the best friend you can be for him. We're all sending you strength.  

It's very true because life is not like a romantic comedy, and playing with people's feelings is both a crappy thing to do and unlikely to lead to a healthy relationship.

Put yourself in his shoes, for a second, and imagine how you'd feel if somebody jerked you around because they thought it was "kind of cute". Would you stick around for that person, or dump them for somebody else?

This isn't even getting into backfire potential. It baffles me to this day that people think these kinds of games always work out in their favor, when in reality they rarely do. So, don't play games.

If you really like someone, you don't want to do things to hurt them. Even if it works, what have you won? A game...not a relationship. 

That's it for this week. Thanks for playing, guys and girls!