Rumors about Chelsea Clinton's top-secret wedding next weekend are raging like a Mel Gibson phone call. So here's my question for you Guyzillas: If you could have a super cool, top-secret wedding anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Chic Geek says:

I regularly tell my family, friends and anyone within earshot that I want to get married on the riverboat in the Opryland Hotel in Nashville, TN. That's right, the hotel has its own riverboat. And waterfalls. And an indoor conservatory garden. Oh, and the Grand Ol' Opry is next door. It's like a Vegas hotel, but without all the gambling, sleaze and sadness.

Granted, the woman I marry will have to be okay with getting hitched in the greatest (and cheesiest) place on Earth. But once they step aboard the riverboat or walk through the Delta section made to look like a scaled down version of Bourbon Street in New Orleans, they'll be ready to say "I do" next to the dancing waters of the Opryland. (Oh, did I mention they have an hourly dancing water and light show??)

Girl's BFF says:

While I couldn't give a frying frog fig about wedding planning, I do remember seeing a "Shaft"-based wedding theme on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" once. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. Honestly, the thing that concerns me most is the reception. That's the part I want control over, mostly because I want it to be the party of the year. I want Chinese children to be talking about my reception. I want guys in igloos across from Sarah Palin's view of Russia to be talking about my reception. Other than that, it's whatever.

Reformed Player says:

Top secret or not, when I am broken down enough to surrender to marriage, I will deal with the event the way my dad told me to deal with getting booster shots. I will take it like a man. Silently. Grimly. When it is over, I will exhale.

I get that women probably love wedding planners. They're like Fairy Godmother project managers that guide the bride-to-be through a marathon shopping spree that climaxes in Princess For Day Day! In a perfect world, there would be more plug-and-play wedding options. Some "out-of-the-box" choices. Like small, medium, or large. Even better: tiny, small, little bit bigger than small.

Funny Guy says:

 
Wow, I had no interest in wedding planning until I received this question, but you've made me realize that I just needed to be given complete free reign over the event and I'd be totally into it. Imagine a cross between a NASCAR event, the signing of the Magna Carta and biblical Armageddon. Then add one of those chocolate fountains and chafing dishes full of Indian take-out and you've got not only my wedding, but also first coronary.

Wise-Ass says:

I had little input into my wedding and was a-okay with that. Most guys don't care. If I had it to do over again, I'd go to Vegas, baby -- quick, easy and cheesy.

Gal Pal says:

For anyone reading who's dated me in the past, present or future - I have no idea what I want for my wedding. I mean, a wedding? That's never even crossed my mind! I'm so low maintenance about these things - not that I ever even think about them.

For everybody else reading: I've taken the liberty of reserving this venue through August 2014.

Where would you plan your top-secret wedding?