It is Christmas Eve. Carol Service attended and the rug rats will soon pretending to sleep, while listening hard for Santa. Yeah, I got a handful of sleigh bells to jingle, and the single ashy footprint from the fire place, well, they'll not notice that Santa wears Daddy's
work boots for a few years yet. Presents under the tree, stockings hung but not yet filled, and my lady due home by about 5 AM - hopefully before the kids get up. It is peaceful right now. A time for thinking and quiet introspection.
Had this question land with a resounding thump into my inbox and my head Tuesday. Didn't answer it then as, to be honest, I was in a truly foul mood all day.
"Dear MM, i don't know how to be true to myself, actually i don't even understand what does that mean, how does it feel or even how it's suppose to happen, can u help me out pls, thankx"
Then this one, Wednesday
"I could use some help if you can spare it. See, I'm totally lost. I don't know what I want--from life, from love. Until I sort myself out, it's not fair to lead guys on, only to lose interest later and crush them. How do I figure out what I want?"
What is it with Christmas and philosophy? These types of questions come up every year around the same time. They baffle me. Like most people, I know exactly who and what I am and usually what I want. So the thought of someone not knowing who they are is foreign. Strange, and to be totally honest, a rather scary thought.
Still, drag up a rock and lets give it a try.
To be true to yourself you need to know, respect and accept yourself. Never lie to yourself, or minimise either the bad or good aspects of your character. We all got flaws, accept that. Virtues too, accept them. Both are equally important in making you you.
Never compromise your ideals and beliefs for the sake of convenience or to "fit in." They can and will and should change over time, but the change comes from you interacting with people and learning new ways of looking at life, love and what happiness actually is. One of the reasons teenagers are such pains in the posterior is they are shifting from imposed values, learned from family, friends and teachers, to reliance on their own value judgements, without the experience (usually) to judge wisely.
How does it feel, being true to yourself? In all honesty, sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it is very inconvenient. It usually lets you sleep well of a night though.
The second question is somewhat easier, as I answered another young lady exactly one year ago today. Since the season of consumption is a fair time to do some recycling, gonna pull the main point from that post.
You should want to be the best person you can be.
Don't miss chances. Don't waste your gifts. Don't be scared. Don't be mean. Don't settle for second best from yourself, or for yourself. Don't forget that life is the stuff that happens while you are planning and waiting for something else. Don't miss out today cause you are waiting for tomorrow.
Try new things. Retry old things. Count your blessings every day, your problems once a month. Don't stop learning - ever. Meet life half way. There is beauty in tragedy, and comedy in disaster. Learn to see the good, even as you mourn the bad.
Yes, you will screw up. You are human. We all do. That doesn't matter - the trying does.
You are correct that while you don't know what you want, you aren't exactly going to be able to settle down, and wanting to spare guys some pain is pretty decent of you. But, more people regret the things they didn't do than the things they did.
And with that, Merry Christmas to all and thank you all from all of us for the kind wishes of the season!.
Had this question land with a resounding thump into my inbox and my head Tuesday. Didn't answer it then as, to be honest, I was in a truly foul mood all day.
"Dear MM, i don't know how to be true to myself, actually i don't even understand what does that mean, how does it feel or even how it's suppose to happen, can u help me out pls, thankx"
Then this one, Wednesday
"I could use some help if you can spare it. See, I'm totally lost. I don't know what I want--from life, from love. Until I sort myself out, it's not fair to lead guys on, only to lose interest later and crush them. How do I figure out what I want?"
What is it with Christmas and philosophy? These types of questions come up every year around the same time. They baffle me. Like most people, I know exactly who and what I am and usually what I want. So the thought of someone not knowing who they are is foreign. Strange, and to be totally honest, a rather scary thought.
Still, drag up a rock and lets give it a try.
To be true to yourself you need to know, respect and accept yourself. Never lie to yourself, or minimise either the bad or good aspects of your character. We all got flaws, accept that. Virtues too, accept them. Both are equally important in making you you.
Never compromise your ideals and beliefs for the sake of convenience or to "fit in." They can and will and should change over time, but the change comes from you interacting with people and learning new ways of looking at life, love and what happiness actually is. One of the reasons teenagers are such pains in the posterior is they are shifting from imposed values, learned from family, friends and teachers, to reliance on their own value judgements, without the experience (usually) to judge wisely.
How does it feel, being true to yourself? In all honesty, sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it is very inconvenient. It usually lets you sleep well of a night though.
The second question is somewhat easier, as I answered another young lady exactly one year ago today. Since the season of consumption is a fair time to do some recycling, gonna pull the main point from that post.
You should want to be the best person you can be.
Don't miss chances. Don't waste your gifts. Don't be scared. Don't be mean. Don't settle for second best from yourself, or for yourself. Don't forget that life is the stuff that happens while you are planning and waiting for something else. Don't miss out today cause you are waiting for tomorrow.
Try new things. Retry old things. Count your blessings every day, your problems once a month. Don't stop learning - ever. Meet life half way. There is beauty in tragedy, and comedy in disaster. Learn to see the good, even as you mourn the bad.
Yes, you will screw up. You are human. We all do. That doesn't matter - the trying does.
You are correct that while you don't know what you want, you aren't exactly going to be able to settle down, and wanting to spare guys some pain is pretty decent of you. But, more people regret the things they didn't do than the things they did.
And with that, Merry Christmas to all and thank you all from all of us for the kind wishes of the season!.
Your last point is something that my mom, and her mom before her, have drilled into their children's heads. "Someday, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did." Even at the green age of 20, I've already experienced this first-hand.
Say more than you think you should, be more open and honest than is probably socially acceptable. Cry when you feel like you need to, and get angry and confront people when you feel it's right. Do whatever you need to do to feel at peace, whether it's something drastic, or simply nothing.
As long as you can lay down and sleep at night, you're doing it all right. And if you can't, find out what's bothering you and do something about it. My boyfriend just broke up with me tonight, and I'm pretty upset but I'm reminding myself that I'll get through this just like I've gotten through everything else. I've said everything I can to him and I hope he comes around when we finally see each other again next semester, but if he doesn't, I'll still be able to look in the mirror and know that I did everything in my power to stay true to myself and to do the right things, even if they didn't work out for me. "You can't change other people, how they feel, or how they think. But you can change yourself." More wise words from my mom.
I hope everyone out there is haviing a better Christmas Eve than me, and I hope the new year brings new beginnings and happiness for us all.
Happy Christmas MM....
I've really enjoyed reading your posts and blogs this past year...
Happy Christmas! Your kids are lucky - they've got the best person to come to for advice when they get older!
That was perfect. Thank you.
That was very good advice and I'm in my fifties, not that age counts. My mother used to ask me for advice when I was only 16. Really, I had no idea but I gave it a go:) Have a wonderful Christmas, all of you.