A new study says a woman is much more attracted to a guy when she's not sure if he's into her or not. It's called the "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not Study" -- which would be cute if it weren't so annoyingly accurate. Guys, do you have any suggestions for women trying to cope with torture of not knowing whether a guy digs us? According to the study, it makes our brains obsess (against our will!!) about that guy, escalating the whole awful ordeal.
Reformed Player says:
You know what? Ask him. And not in that way that requires a long, elaborate explanation about how you dropped some hints and dug for a few clues and so on, because that really means you asked him what you thought was a leading question and he didn't pick up on it, because it seemed innocuous.
No, ask him directly. Hell, ask him out. It's a yes or no kind of thing in the first place: couch it in those terms.
Girls' BFF says:
The problem with this story is really that the answers are right in front of a woman's face. Women tend to do it to themselves by ignoring obvious signs like: he won't return my phone calls promptly, or text, or make plans. It's not that you all don't know if he likes you or not, its that your brains cannot compute the fact that he doesn't. Once women decide they like somebody, many of them find it difficult to ascertain why this same individual would not recognize their greatness by acting coy and disinterested. Basically, the problem is women need to know the answer to "why?" And that's not going away. Sorry, women are stuck like Chuck with this one. I got nothing that will undo billions of years of evolved insanity.
Chic Geek says:
Well, being attracted to mystery is not exclusive to women. It's why we all want to make out with Mystery Man. Wait, what?? Did I think that or type it? Uh...
Yeah, the only cure is to ask the guy out. Or flirt and see if he flirts back. But, as we always say, his actions speak louder than words. If he's acting like he wants to, as Alanis Morisette once said, "wine, dine, 69" you, chances are he indeed does want to wine, dine and, uh, all the rest of it with you.
Mystery Man says:
Nope. No clues at all. I am a firm believer in equality, and guys have gone through this panic and uncertainly for millenia. Turnabout is ALWAYS fair play.
Funny Guy says:
This whole dangling the "I might like you" carrot in front of people is needless drama. Don't get caught up with dudes who run that game and check yourself when you find you're sweating on that unnecessary chase.
Step off and simply ask him: Dude, do you feel me? Want to date? Want this relationship?
That's where the real power is at.
Wise-Ass says:
I have no suggestions. Not knowing is part of the fun of romance.
Gal Pal says:
I don't know how to handle this truth. It's certainly misery making, though. But I'm told the best cure of all is a roll in the hay with someone who most definitely likes you.
I know the answer to this one! If a guy does not make it obvious he is into you - he's NOT... If you really like him and do not want to wait around to see if he could like you - ask him out. He may then like you because he thinks you like him...
SWSNBN -- you are correct! Winner!
I've always taken pride in my ability to be direct and upfront with people, and as such, I've never understood why this was so difficult an approach for others, women or men. Sure, there's a certain way to go about things, like subtlety and tact, but there's no need to play games when it comes to love. You can only drop so many hints before it's time to pony up and say how you feel upfront.
Funny Guy - I couldn't agree more. I've been through it and believe me, I was not the only one who thought this guy was into me!! But then I think he started to see how much I liked him and he started acting weird. His loss! You're right though, it is needless drama and now almost 2 years later, I can't even see what I saw in him in the first place!! :)
I learned the lesson the hard way - guy kept me dangling, then I realized I was letting myself get dangled. I now avoid guys who do that. They are such a waste of time, energy and emotions.
If a guy is really interested in you, he'll most definitely let you know. Men are generally where and with whom they desire. If he wants to be there (with you), then there (with you) is where he'll be. End of story.
It really is a fact that most of us women (yup, this is a sweeping generalization) can not possible fathom that a man might not want us back. Shocking, I know.
If you find yourself questioning if a guy is actually into you -- move on! It is now the time to put on the big girl panties and move on to (sometimes, literally) a man that actually wants to be with you.
Usually if a guy is interested he'll ALWAYS flirt back and not in just a nice way, but more of a semi passive-aggressive way. They will stand really close, offer to buy you maybe a drink or two, and they will ask you the same exact night when they can see YOU again.
I've always learned that if a guy doesn't ask you at the end of the date if he wants to see you again, then most likely he isn't "feeling" you. If the guy is interested he will kiss a girl on the lips goodnight, will NEVER say "I'll call you", and he'll let you know up front if he digs you.
This is how I've always known guys are into me... then again, I'm not really one of those typical females who complains and lies to myself as to "why didn't he call me?" types lol If he wants to call me, he'll call. Its simple as that.