I have this friend. Yes, I know that's hard to believe, but I do. A couple of them, in fact. This one's a woman I'll call Lucy. Lucy is 30-something and single. Not by choice, mind you. Lucy would love to be married. She wants a husband and babies and the house and the Volvo station wagon.
Lucy goes on a lot of dates. Well, a lot of first dates. Lucy doesn't get many second dates, which is a shame, because she's a great lady. Except on first dates. She does things that guys don't like. She's not the only one: lots of people do it, men and women alike. I never did, but then, I'm me, so no surprise there.
What do people like Lucy do on first dates that keeps them from getting second dates? Listen and learn.
1) You talk about your ex too much
On our first date, please tell me all about your ex: what he was like, funny things he said, how he broke your heart, how he's a lying, cheating, selfish sonofabitch. No, really, I want to know all about some dude I'll never meet. Tell me more. No, no, it doesn't seem like you're still hung up on him at all.
2) You talk about you too much
Thanks for an awesome time. I enjoyed listening to you prattle on for two hours about yourself. I'm so glad to hear about all the fun things you did in college, your friend what's-her-face and her four perfect little children, the summer you spent in Botswana, your job and every single person you work with and why you hate them, oh, and best of all, your cats and how amusing they are. My name's Cary, by the way. No -- Cary. With a C. Right.
3) T.M.I.
Your brother is schizophrenic? Oops. You just started your period? Lovely. You fart a lot? Lucky me. Check, please.
4) You're already planning our future
I'm so glad you are already thinking about things we can do on future dates. Yes, I'd love to meet your folks, I mean, now that we are an item. Drive over to Athens for a football game? Why not? It's only eight months before football season starts. Your family's mountain cabin? Sounds wonderful -- let's go right now. Maybe we'll pass a Justice Of The Peace on the way and can get married.
5) You answer your cell phone
No, go ahead and take that. It'll give me time to figure out how to end this date quicker.
6) You are rude to the waiter
I agree, he's a complete moron for bringing you an undercooked steak. Be sure to tell him, since he's not only a waiter, but cooks everything, too. Let him have it. Nope, not awkward at all.
These aren't the only things, of course, but a good start. Really, it all boils down to common sense and common courtesy. Be nice, be interested in your date, and don't rush things, and you'll be a-okay.
Lucy goes on a lot of dates. Well, a lot of first dates. Lucy doesn't get many second dates, which is a shame, because she's a great lady. Except on first dates. She does things that guys don't like. She's not the only one: lots of people do it, men and women alike. I never did, but then, I'm me, so no surprise there.
What do people like Lucy do on first dates that keeps them from getting second dates? Listen and learn.
1) You talk about your ex too much
On our first date, please tell me all about your ex: what he was like, funny things he said, how he broke your heart, how he's a lying, cheating, selfish sonofabitch. No, really, I want to know all about some dude I'll never meet. Tell me more. No, no, it doesn't seem like you're still hung up on him at all.
2) You talk about you too much
Thanks for an awesome time. I enjoyed listening to you prattle on for two hours about yourself. I'm so glad to hear about all the fun things you did in college, your friend what's-her-face and her four perfect little children, the summer you spent in Botswana, your job and every single person you work with and why you hate them, oh, and best of all, your cats and how amusing they are. My name's Cary, by the way. No -- Cary. With a C. Right.
3) T.M.I.
Your brother is schizophrenic? Oops. You just started your period? Lovely. You fart a lot? Lucky me. Check, please.
4) You're already planning our future
I'm so glad you are already thinking about things we can do on future dates. Yes, I'd love to meet your folks, I mean, now that we are an item. Drive over to Athens for a football game? Why not? It's only eight months before football season starts. Your family's mountain cabin? Sounds wonderful -- let's go right now. Maybe we'll pass a Justice Of The Peace on the way and can get married.
5) You answer your cell phone
No, go ahead and take that. It'll give me time to figure out how to end this date quicker.
6) You are rude to the waiter
I agree, he's a complete moron for bringing you an undercooked steak. Be sure to tell him, since he's not only a waiter, but cooks everything, too. Let him have it. Nope, not awkward at all.
These aren't the only things, of course, but a good start. Really, it all boils down to common sense and common courtesy. Be nice, be interested in your date, and don't rush things, and you'll be a-okay.
#6 is interesting; how you treat others ( store clerk, waiter, etc.) can be a further indication of how you may get treated later in your relationship. Showing disapproval or a frown if a waiter brings the wrong order can potentially indicate an impatient attitude to the person you are trying to impress.
The way people treat service staff says a lot about their character.
Like Athens Georgia? Cuz even if you lived in the same state as me, that would be awesome.
Yes.
Ha Ha Ha! I live in Athens, GA too!
I guess I'd be guilty of the TMI. Although I really wouldn't talk about my period on a first date. More likely that I'd tell them about the time my brother was a coke-head. Fortunately for me, Jim liked my open-book attitude.
Also, he noted that I was nice to the waitstaff and tipped them well! It is a good indicator of how a person will treat you at some point.
News flash: you're doing it again.
Damn Cary!! Lmao...I think i was recently guilty of somewhere in-between #2 and #3. Well, at least, I now have an idea why i didn't even get a kiss from him that day...even though I'm pretty sure he knew I would not resist...even though we were alone in my apartment..... Too bad! He's the only one i'm attracted to for the moment and was hoping to break my dry spell with!!! Oh boy, dildo here i come :)
Thanks Cary! I'll keep these 6 rules in mind for next time.
One exception to the "answering your phone" rule: I am a single parent. I tell my dates up front "I have to have my phone out, in case my daughter needs me; that is the only call I will answer." Oh, yeah... I leave the phone on "silent" and glance if it lights up. Most guys are really understanding; those that don't like the idea of me putting my child first aren't worth my consideration.
Yes, that is a valid exception.
Lots of good points, Cary. :) All of my relationships have blossomed out of friendship, so I've never really had to face the first date challenges. But good to know just in case.
It's funny... I've never actually been on a date with a guy that I was actually interested in, so I decided to do all of these at the same time to get them all to not want to call me again. XD
The last guy I was seeing drove me INSANE with answering the phone... so freaking rude. He'd answer texts in mid sentence, answer every time the phone rang, etc. He'd always say sorry it's a business call but Jebus f*ck, the guy can't take two freaking hours off answering the phone?? All that does is send the message that the person you're with isn't important to you. It's just as annoying when a friend does it. My friends and I have a rule - our phones stay on silent and in our purses/pockets unless something hilarious comes up that we want to share with a friend that isn't there. Best friends ever.