What's the worst gift to give your lovah? If your lovah says "let's take a break" - what does he really mean? Should you take a lovah during the holidays? What if your lovah is also your boss? Can lovahs tell when you're super self confident - or when you're on the prowl for new lovahs? Time for a lovah-ly edition of GuySpeak's Best of the Week!
Girls' BFF says:
I recently received a question wondering why socks were a bad Christmas gift - they suck - and I began thinking of other gifts that indicate you haven't paid any attention to the receive whatsoever:
1. Victoria's Secret/Bed, Bath, and Beyond Bath Set
It's a forgone conclusion that people like to be clean. This is great. However a gift dedicated to cleanliness really sends the wrong signal. And that signal isn't that you want them to be cleaner, it's that you had no idea what else to get that lady in your life. If you have a girlfriend, making a card out of construction paper will be a better gift than this.
3. Tools
For some odd reason, women assume that all men like tools. This is not true. You only get a man a tool he's asked for. Period. What the f*ck do I ned a buzz saw for? I don't have a garage and I don't even like cutting grass. In fact, I don't have grass. I live on the 11th floor of a building full of condos. Know your audience. And know that this doesn't say, "I care." It says, "I stopped by Sears and somebody convinced me that all men want these."
8. Calendar
Congratulations, you just reminded them that next year is coming.
Gal Pal says:
Read the rest of Panama's horrible gift warnings at the link above. I'd also like to add Shake Weight to the list. I saw a guying buying one at Walgreens this week and shed a tear on behalf of the poor girl who's finding that in her stocking Christmas morning.
Chic Geek says:
Not at all! The mistletoe, the twinkling lights, the tipsy office parties...the holidays are a great time for new love. A few things to keep in mind, however:
-- Be prepared to not see him all that much. Between parties, shopping, and family obligations, you might not have much time together between now and January 2nd.
-- Go easy on gifts. If it's early on, don't feel obligated to get him a lavish gift. An expensive gift could make him think you want to get serious and put too much pressure on the relationship at an early stage. Exchanging small gifts is fine (something handmade would be ideal), but you shouldn't feel like you have to get him anything if you've just started dating.
-- Plan New Year's carefully. Hoping for the perfect night, coupled with booze, can often lead to drama. If you're into the guy, you might opt for a quiet night in together. Otherwise, go easy on the shots if New Year's ends up being your second date.
--Don't play "meet the family." It's far too early for that potential awkwardness. Do your own family stuff, and text him when Uncle Steve goes off on another rant about Obamacare.
Hopefully you'll have future holidays together to worry about gifts and drunken Uncle Steve.
Gal Pal says:
I started dating my current boyfriend in mid-December last year. We had two dates before we each went our separate ways for the holidays. The physical distance slowed things down in a wonderful way - those weeks were filled with flirty texts and get-to-know-you phone calls and snow angel pics. All the fun without all the pressure (and waxing demands) of in-person dates. So go for it, jingle bell! Just don't watch "The Holiday" too many times or you'll expect Jude Law and an English cottage.
Mystery Man says:
Too right. I constantly say this, not that anyone ever listens. Too hooked on shallow, irrelevant things like breast size, dress size and shoes to pay attention, usually.
A happy, confident woman is the biggest turn on for guys a woman can do. It is a bundle of subtle things - they way they move, the joy in life they show, the self respect. It shines out like a beacon of sensuality, attracting most men in range.
There is a downside though. There is a class of guys, code named "Violently controlling, evil pricks," who really get off on squashing a woman's confidence. You will attract them too, possibly in great numbers, depending on where you go. Just ignore them. They only have power if you permit it. So pick wisely. Watch for the guy who is slightly hesitant about coming forward. The guy who is slightly shy of coming on to you, because he thinks he might not be good enough. That is the sort of guy you want.
Gal Pal says:
Yes, lady, you are a hot Facebook post in the newsfeed that everyone wants to comment on. You're sizzling! Enjoy your heat - and guard against anything that tries to cool down your confidence.
Funny Guy says:
First off, your boss sounds a like a really stand-up guy. Boning his employees, pulling their hair at work, ignoring more formal communication and from the sounds of it, generally setting a nice tone at the ol' office. Let's pretend you're an internet browser, and press the back arrow a few times.
My overall question to you is why did you get involved with this hip-shaking Michael Scott? Relationships are supposed to be built on a sense of equality and give and take, remember? Both of you said screw the consequences of screwing -- let's screw. Now the pieces are falling where they may. He may or may not confront you in respectful adult terms about this. He is bugged out, probably regretful and scared of messing with is work life. You are hurt, feel used and positively dissed. You have now experienced the hellish confusion and conflict that arises from mixing bed sheets with Excel sheets.
What now, you ask? Now, you go back to being an employee and look for sex outside the land of cubicles. Now it's time to no longer be Human Resources.
Gal Pal says:
Can you transfer from the Scranton office to the Stamford office? If not, find a new lovah outside the office and limit all contact with your mean boss. On the bright side, you just scored yourself a great "negotiating point" at raise time next year!
Reformed Player says:
Here's my advice. Go out, feel sexy, and have some fun trainer sex. Why not? A "womanizer" is only a jerk if the woman doesn't know it. You know it. You want it. You can't possibly be disappointed if he turns out to be a player, because he's a player. What's the worst case scenario? The sex is lame? That sucks, but hey, isn't that lady ritual known as "brunch" fueled by mimosas and tales of terrible booty?
I know many women are concerned by what their friends think of them. The word "slut" is nothing more than an insidious form of psychological warfare invented centuries ago by men who wanted to insure a surplus of virgins. By inventing a label that shames, they were ensuring that women who wanted to express their sexual desires like human beings would change their behavior. They would resist their desires in order to prevent being called a slut. This is bullshit.
Slut it up. I'm a slut. We're all sluts. You sound like someone who's been in plenty of relationships. You understand the value of the heart. Now go out and get your cookie. It's your God given right to find someone who will make your thighs shake.
Gal Pal says:
"Go out and get your cookie" is my new motto for 2011. Trademark John Devore.
Wise-Ass says:
Here at Guyspeak, we get a lot of questions from you that go like this: "My boyfriend said "________." What does he mean? Does he mean _______ or does he mean ________." Since we can't answer every question, here's a handy guide to translating some common things that guys say so you will know what they really mean when they say them:
He says: It's not you, it's me.
He means: It's you.
He says: How about we skip the party and stay in tonight?
He means: So we can have sex.
He says: You're a great friend.
He means: But nothing more.
He says: I think we should take a break from each other for a while.
He means: So I can pork other women and not feel guilty about it.
He says: You look nice today.
He means: You look incredible today, but I don't want to make it obvious how nuts I am for you.
He says: Some guy will be very lucky to have you.
He means: Because I know you will never fall for me.
Gal Pal says:
Read the rest of Wise-Ass' wise list at the link above. And if a guy tells you: Sure, I love those socks you bought me for Christmas. He means: This is a trick gift, right? The X-box is in here somewhere...right?
Thanks for playing, guys and lovahs!
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