This week the most heated responses I received from any of my posts was from this simple but loaded question: Would you recommend marrying a cop?
I knew if I answered this question I would get a handful of comments - some agreeing with me, some thinking I was dead wrong, and others with direct experience in the matter weighing in with insight and personal history.
Like any topic on this site that ruffles feathers or pubic hair as the case may be, judging who someone is, or summing them up based on just one factor, is tricky business. What does wearing a lot of makeup mean about you? What does sleeping with ten guys in 10 months mean about you? Can you explain someone by their weight? Who their Dad is? Where they were raised?
Once you get into topics that interject race, culture and finances things only escalate.
As I tried to express in this weeks cop question, every scenario is different. On a whole I do stand by my statement that cop life requires a certain mental build, and that the job itself --as noble as it may be -- often results in emotional repercussions for the cop in addition to a host of challenges for their spouse.
But what profession doesn't come with a mixed bag of pros and cons. Stereotypes that may or may not resonate when the lense is placed on an individual in the field.
Surgeons: great money, but rough hours. Tough to communicate with.
Investment Banker: huge money, but entrenched in boys club mentality and brutal hours.
Public School Teacher: fairly low income, overly involved in community over family.
Artist: temperamental, sensitive, impractical.
Therapist: aloof at home, hyper critical.
Writer: totally awesome. etc.
The lists and debates can go on and on.
But the greater takeaway is easy I believe.
None of us can be boiled down or fully explained by our profession. Your partner's career (like yours) is a mix of their strengths and weaknesses, their opportunities and circumstances -- their values and goals. It is revealing, but not their full picture.
Your job is to explore and assess the totality of who you're marrying. Leave the overall stats to the Department of Labor.
I am married to a cop, a region tact team leader, who is also on various State and Federal Task Forces. It is a very different way of living. Be sure you base a marriage on trust as I often get a call that says "Honey I wont be home. I will call when I can." One time it was three days later due to a hostage situation. Phones, pages, go off at all hours and he has to leave. As movement in these specialized branches of law enforcement are classified I never know where he is or when he will be home. I learned early on to base this marriage on what we have togethe ALL year round!. We celebrate Holidays sometimes on different dates than the calendar or Hallmark dictates. Anniversaries sometimes a day ahead or even a week later.Tips off the top of my head: A great Book for this is "So You Love a Cop" and I never ever let my husband worry about me or what is goin on at home. He doesnt need that distraction. I also never let him walk into a dark house. This triggers a stress response they are conditioned to respond to in a protective/safety mode. And when he safely comes thru the door to our home and family, I want it to feel like a sanctuary! PSST do not buy a scanner, or haunt news station when they are on duty..it will drive a wife/significant other nuts! Rely on the one you gave your heart and faith to! Know they are well trained and they will rely on that training to bring them home to you and the life you build together! They need this positive attitude from us more than we can comprehend. Also set your own independence, life and goals! Live. do things. have your life! Do not sit at home waiting to hear something..this places more stress on them! If they are working on a Holiday hang with friends or family or volunteer a womens shelter..do not make them feel guilty for not being able to be there! I have done this for many years. Most of our law enforcement friends/contacts have sadly divorced over these things I have written about! It is about trust, faith and the belief in what you share as a couple each and every day of the year! Not those days he/she cant be there. Know this going into the marriage.
Just as I said in the previous post that sparked the debate, Police are not "hereoes" and it is not a "calling". It is either become a Police Officer or work for $8.00 per hour, or manual labor.Nobody wants to risk a bullet to the head for a paycheck. That is a facade when anyone says that. What's the qualifications of a Police Officer? Driving, holding a gun, and running. The same qualifications as your object of arrest is.
There's more too "holding a gun" "running" or "driving"..how it would be so easy if it was just those that are the qualifications of being an officer. I can tell you it's a lot more..education, strength, patience, etc are few examples. I speak from experience since I am a female police officer. Oh and speaking of education it appears that "Corey" has spelled "heroes" incorrectly. For those who believe they know just what it takes to be an officer but gave never been a part if law enforcement (besides sitting on the couch with their chips and dip watching "cops"...) I suggest go through an academy and see just how far you go .....
Female cop? Dyke.
Someday I hope you're in a situation where a "dyke" female cop saves your worthless piece of trash ass, Corey. Maybe you should think about that statement, pal.
And I see by reading my opinion that I should've proof read it...
"writer: totally awesome, etc." not that you needed them but you just earned a few more points with me FG lol nicely done wrap up tho and so true, a very Platonian perspective almost. we are definitely the sum of all of our parts.