Wrapping paper is just like lingerie. Ideally, it should be crumpled up in a ball on the floor. Next time you put on that sexy number from Victoria's Secret, remember that your man doesn't really care how you look in it. All he cares about is how you look out of it. Lingerie was invented so that women can feel sexy. This is a good thing of course. Anything that makes a woman feel slinky and playful and ready to give the mattress a good workout is a good thing.
I hate wrapping presents, and seeing as I'm always a last minute shopper, I don't always have time to get them wrapped. There must be something genetic at play here, because most women I know can wrap a box so well, that you can't even find the seams. I've been given presents that look like they were born wrapped. Meanwhile, my presents always look like what I imagine a young Dr. Frankenstein might have wrapped. Instead of sloppy stitches holding together loose flaps of flesh, my gifts are nothing but scotch tape and scraps.
Women love anticipation, and men like to cut to the chase. Women will sensually sniff a warm slice of apple pie. Men will spend a nanosecond plotting the fastest way to get it inside them. Women savor, men inhale. I've seen women give their female friends gifts. Each cube is perfectly wrapped and the women ooh and aah over the production. They giggle about how it looks too good to open. All I can think is "You're wasting time! Tear that thing open and find the treasure!" In fact, I've been given a gift that I immediately and greedily clawed open, only to watch my girlfriends face fall like a Jenga tower. What took her an hour to wrap took me a moment to unwrap. She stared at the pile of paper like I was some heartless hunter skinning Bambi.
If I was a genius, I'd invent wrapping paper with a zipper or spray-on wrapping paper. But year in and year out, I give my beloved a gift that looks like it was wrapped by a man with giant, three-fingered Mickey Mouse gloves. I buy great gifts, because I know the secret of buying great gifts. I listen. If you listen to your significant other, they will invariably tell you, over the course of the year, their hearts desire. But ye gods, does it have to look pretty on the outside? Even if it's pretty and glittery and absolutely perfect on the inside?
Which is why, this year, I am going to herald a new option. Because my man brain cannot grasp the delicate skills and spatial relations required to wrap a box so perfectly, it would make you weep to rip it apart. This year, I am inventing what I call The Christmas Pillow Case. I found some festive, slightly tacky, holiday themed felt pillow cases. In each of these lovely, Yuletide pillow cases I will place my gifts for my girlfriend. One of the pillow cases will hold a silly, inexpensive bauble! One will contain something she wants that is not wildly expensive. One will hide the blockbuster, the season's masterstroke of gift buying. Something so wonderful and coveted that tinsel will stream out of her nose.
The Christmas Pillow Case. For Men. I'm going to make... thousands.
Genius! I am crying...from laughing...Did you trade mark your "Christmas Pillow Case" yet? Hurry up, or I beat your ass to the Invention Bureau (if such exist)
Oh, mickey mouse gloves.... lol. Dude, major department stores will wrap your stuff. Just bring it over and drop it off. Or, you can outsource the job to a female, its what my dad and brothers do each year haha.
great idea, you're not the first with it, but still great plan. when I was very young my mom found some holiday fabric and sewed and whole bunch of drawstring bags, and to this very day all the gifts my family give each other are put in these bags, it saves alot of money on crap you throw away any way. and with all the going green crap we've seen talk shows suggest similar things. you should totally do that, it's cheap, eco friendly, and looks good.
My mom does this, usually with cloth bags she made herself. It's already a thing- I think at least a decade ago someone patented the re-usable cloth gift bag as an environmentally-friendly alternative to wrapping paper.
Still a good idea, though! And if she objects, remind her that it's less wasteful. Just don't forget to tie it with a pretty bow!