Life is a funny farce. Just think about the romantic escapades people go through trying to woo somebody. And then that first kiss and the first time you smang. It's the stuff of legends. Little angel-like choir members sing classical music odes to you while you hold hands and litter one another with romantic gestures and kisses as you come to the realization that you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
And then it stops once you get married. Or at least that's what folks on the other side tend to tell you.
Validation comes in the form of studies that indicate that roughly 20 percent of couples go without kissing eachother "for as long as a week at a time."
Say heffa say what???
To wit:
Every movie involving a fratboy-type, married male lead will brush upon the most clichéd stereotype of monogamy--that once we say "I do," we stop having sex. We don't necessarily think that's true, but hey, it's a stereotype for a reason.
Well, apparently sex isn't all we stop having. A new survey revealed that nearly one in five married couples go without kissing for as long as one week at a time. And when they do finally lock lips, it will last no longer than five seconds for 40 percent of them.
What in blue blazes?
How sad is that? And even more sad is this: how many people are even surprised by those findings? Not I says the Black man. Which is why I find life so interesting. Humans suck at preserving the novelty of things which only makes sense. It's hard to appreciate something you have access to all day everyday. We all claim to want to have sex all the live long day but when you actually have in house sexual access, we take it for granted and the next thing you know its been six months since you've even touched your partner in a romantic way.
While lack of kissing also doesn't surprise me it is more depressing. You can explain away sex with children and busy work schedules and general fatigue. It sucks (well I guess it doesn't anymore) but that's just life. It's why people have to plan sexual outings and schedule coitus. However, kissing takes nothing but a few moments and it can do so much for the other person to show that you still care.
True story, there was a time in my life when I'd have sex with a chick and not kiss her. I felt like kissing was too intimate and indicated that I cared more than I did. She noticed too and rightfully cut off all ties. And I didn't care. Because I didn't have feelings for her which is why I never kissed her.
Kissing is the simplest way to show somebody that you care becaue of the personal connection and the invasion of their space. I like kissing. I love kissing my daughter on the cheek because I want her to know that I love her.
But between loving adults, it's almost like if there is no kissyface, you're legally bonded roommates. I like affection, but only when I'm really in like/love with somebody and want to spend time with them etc. I pray that when I do get married, I still want to at least kiss on my wife twenty years down the line.
What about you all? Do you still exchange kissy face with your partners frequently, married or not? Do you think you think you could live in a marriage where you only kissed once a week?
I've been with my boyfriend for six months and I can't imagine not kissing him several times a day. Maybe that's because we mostly only see each other on the weekend due to college and work, but we basically spent the summer together and things were pretty much the same.
I'm a super affectionate, though, and so is he. Things didn't work out with the boy I was with before him because he never touched me and kissing only seemed to happen during sex. I felt lonely with him. Not right at all, in my book.
to answer your first question BFF, I'm with Erin. me and my bf have been dating for about 8 mos now and we kiss a lot, but we dont see each other as much as we like either. he gets excited about seeing me and sends cant wait for my hello kiss texts and stuff like that. i wouldn't be able to stick around without that affection, and he gets just as much from me. to answer your other question, no i wouldnt be able to stick in a marriage that was like that. lack of affection played a small role, but one nonetheless, in the demise of my marriage. my ex expected me to stay in shape for him and the like, but let himself go terribly. i lost attraction to him around the same time his mean ness peaked, which is what played the larger role in why we ended. he was dutiful in the hello kisses and the fake i love yous mind you, but i knew for a long time that they didnt mean anything. how can you feel like rushing into someones arms when they've just complained to you about how fat, lazy, and broken you are. my point, i agree with you, kissing is much more intimate than a lot of other things, a true marker of the spark in the relationship, and once that goes in any relationship, to me, what's the point? i can have a room mate with anybody, but i believe in quality of life. if i work hard to make my career life or friendship life as great as it can be, i should put the same effort into my romantic life, and am only seeking relationship experiences with someone just as willing to put in that effort.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We kiss all the time. It's one of my favorite parts of our relationship. He will come up behind me while I'm cooking or putting on makeup and kiss the back of my neck or kiss the back of back of my hand while we're walking and holding hands (see, it doesn't even have to be lip smacking, though that's a regular thing as well). I can't imagine not wanting to kiss him, let alone wanting to stay in a relationship where my SO didn't want to kiss ME. Kissing shows that there is still a romantic, physical interest in the other person. Sometimes sex is not a super convenient option (scheduling conflicts and such), but with a kiss, he lets me know that it has nothing to do with a lack of desire and that the next time there IS time, that party will get started. I think kissing is an incredibly important part of that intimacy.
Maybe that's why married Orthodox Jews - who practice separation in the form of completely not touching - during the woman's menstrual period, talk about being "continual newlyweds." Every month they have to "go without" and then come back together again. Talk about preserving the novelty!
While that rule seems sexist to me, only because the ritual bathing and such make me think of ideas like women are fundamentally unclean and less then men in that way (and please don't think I'm trying to offend you, I'm sure if I grew up with the tradition I'd have a spiritual appreciation for it, that I can't really understand. That's just what I tend to associate with thesocial aversion to menstruation) I can see how saying you can't for a couple of weeks would make when you can all the more appealing. We want what we can't have, and just saying you can't, probably ramps up desire.
Sorry that was supposed to be "Thanks for sharing our perspective!" not "Thanks for sharing your perspective?" the question mark was a slip up on a touch screen, and I did not intend the negative connotation that question mark might have implied.
i always found customs in orthodox judaiism fascinating. that's a good one, and i can see how that would keep the spark alive.
It seams I have to beg to get a kiss out of my man then its short and once a day. Then half the time he says Im not doing it right (Though I have never had any complaints/ past bfs kissing me all freaking day) This is all the freaking time UNLESS my best friend (who is a giant muscular male) is around then he is all over me with kissing and cuddling or when he is trying to get booty. Its frustrating and I have never had to deal with this crap. I dont see it lasting long if I cant get affection once a day with out hearing him cry wolf saying he is being smothered to death by a quick pop kiss goodnight.